Gave my number to a cute bear couple who were on my flight, but was cacking myself so wrote my number on a bit of paper, threw it at one of them at baggage claim and ran off 🥺😩

Greater Anglia gets nationalised on Sunday 😍😍

In today’s episode of my life. The trade was over and said “I’d love to give you a massage”, but didn’t have any oil or anything. He said wait a minute and came back in with a spray bottle of fry light 😭😭

Btw it’s the most attractive I’ve felt in years, so scuse me if I’m a little full of myself 😇

Only just scraping into autumn and I’m already emotionally ✨ a mess ✨

I hate the term “bric a brac” like just say shit you wanna throw out Mary…

Whilst probably not sensible, having a bit of poppers before going on the waltzers was EVERYTHING 🤣🤣

One more day at work and then it’s off to Manchester for pride. Needed in all honesty 😫

At a Tudor castle for the day for some culture and history and there’s a jousting display on. Naturally I’m on grindr hoping one of the knights wants his chrome polished and I can be his 15th century wench maiden 😏

I wanna know what our ancestors would think about the recent gooning phenomenon.

Leaning into *some* guys calling me daddy, but emphasising that I’m problematic young dad age, and not at beekeeping stage yet.

I’m at Folsom Berlin in a few weeks, it’s my first fetish event (talk about deep end) and I literally have no clue what to bring or wear 😫

The way my friends have had my back over the last few weeks. I’m so fucking lucky man 😫 🙏

“Not right wing, just right”. Yeah a right cunt. Shut the fuck up.

No pic no chat, unless I’m desperate and willing to risk a stabbing.

I do think local community Facebook groups are a source of deep evil.

I’m always sus when a gym bro wants to fuck me. Like they’re some sort of zesty muscle Mormon who’s using their dick and ass to try and convert me to the gym and salad.

Dealing with emotional fallout, london and my office being hotter than satan’s taint and my colleagues engaging in relentless heterosexual nonsense all before lunchtime has made me question if I’m going to manage to finish today still employed or without a criminal record.

Absolutely incredible turnout for Budapest Pride! So proud of all the organizers, including some old friends, who estimate hundreds of thousands— major embarrassment to Orban

Ngl if I was an animal living in a tube tunnel today, specifically the central line, I’d probably off myself.

A baddie with a belly 😌

At Canary Wharf to meet a friend for drinks, and all the banking daddies and leaving work and my hole and bank account are feeling fertile 😏

Watching nearly every political party in the UK chase the same 20% of the worst people in the country, ignoring the other 80%, just to please the papers. Nothing will change in the UK until the papers are taken in hand. Not all the media, just the papers. The rest will flow from there.

Hi, if Mighty Hoopla could stop dry fisting my bank account that would be great 🙏 She’s raw, empty and in pain.

Why must EVERYTHING be pistachio flavour at the moment.

How do I tell my proudly moronic deform voter colleague, who is insistent on everyone hearing her opinion on everything to shut the fuck up without ending up in an HR meeting 🥲

And now there’s a man I’ve been crushing on forever asking me to go over and get my back blown out, but I can’t because I’m trapped in the office for the day. I’m DONE.

Straight from a weekend of being surrounded by beautiful, happy queers to a Monday surrounded by miserable hets. 🥲

Can we manifest a clean bill of health for me for hoopla this weekend. 🙏

I send my tops off with a snack or sweet treat so they come back to me like some sort of wild animal.

Nothing fills me with more fear than being in a city centre and someone uttering the words “the footballs on”.

Negative test results through just in time for Bearscots 🐻 😈

Scottish tap water though 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

So we all agree that grindr is basically unusable at this point ?

Any closer ties with the EU is worth it for the boomer/ Ignorant moron rage alone 😍

New week new me babes. 💅

I hate how in my industry that if I’m polite and friendly to people I get spoken to like shit, yet if I’m blunt and cunty (I only am because I’ve given up making the effort), people tend to be more helpful and respectful 💀

"The UK voted for Israel", no the "UK" didn't, a bunch of far-right bellends hammered the phones. THIS 👇is what the UK really thinks of Israel.

Hope everybody who voted for Israel has left the telly on to watch the news.

“I’m going to a 90’s themed party in when I’m up in Scotland, and need the chain to attach to my jeans” 😭😭😭 it worked 💀

I need to somehow get my very old fashioned father to help me cut a length of chain (cos I’m just a delicate princess) without divulging to him that’s it’s for a collar to get boys attention / railed in 🙃

Why does my instagram get borderline harassed by artistic pups trying to sell me (usually not that great) drawings of myself?? 🤣

Shout out to AI for giving me a solution to an excel problem that my colleagues haven’t been able to give me for weeks 🙃

Offering commiserations hole for the milkshake man 😔 #Australia #Eurovision

#Finland was phenomenal. I need to see it live. True diva. My bean is flicked.

My votes went to: Australia 🇦🇺 Denmark 🇩🇰 Austria 🇦🇹 Malta 🇲🇹 Finland 🇫🇮 Latvia 🇱🇻 #Eurovision

Not a Tory, but I am partial to a Tesco finest strawberry from time to time.

Not the dubbed claps and cheers

Basically every act this semi-final has a reveal 😂 #eurovision

G’warn Denmark 🇩🇰 #eurovision #denmark