Saginaw, MI welcomed me with open arms and possibly haunted walls. “Fat Steve Feeds the Kids” was pure chaos in the best way. All the comics slayed — enough that I could roast everyone including myself. Talking big bellies and Wicked Part 2: For Good. #Comedy #OnlyFons #Standup #Wicked2 #BigBelly

Small crowd. Big laughs. Turns out jokes can work — especially when you’re roasting yourself. 😏 Next Sat.: Saginaw, MI — Fat Steve Feeds the Kids! Bring food instead of cash. Let’s make comedy feed more. 🥫🎤 #ComedyForACause #MichiganComedy #Saginaw #StandUp #FatSteveFeedsTheKids #OnlyFons

🧛‍♂️ This Halloween, I unleashed my most haunting creation: Alfons the GER-MAN. Part satire, part horror story, all accent. If this post disappears, it’s not a ghost — it’s the shadowban. Like and repost to keep the monster alive. #StandUpComedy #Halloween #DarkComedy #GermanHumor #Comedy

Wrestling’s newest villain enters comedy: All-Fotz the GER-MAN — 350 lbs of organized rage and golden paperwork. See him this Wednesday at River City Saloon, Grand Rapids. #Comedy #Wrestling #AllFotz #TheGerman #GrandRapidsComedy #AltComedy #StandUp

New week, new set — straight from San Francisco. The full SF Eagle set is live on YouTube. youtu.be/85z4Ae5OB10 It’s equal parts cultural exchange, gay anthropology, and cheese science. 🧀 #Comedy #GermanComedian #StandUp #SFComedy #OnlyFons

This Halloween season… laughter meets lucha. The mask is on, the jokes are sharp, and the Scary Migrant fights for your laughs. 🇩🇪💀 One mic. Four shows. Infinite chaos. #GERMANMAN #HalloweenComedy #LuchadorLaughs #ScaryMigrant #OnlyFons #MidwestComedy #StandUp #Comedy

Did my first outdoor set at Bearrison Street Fair in San Francisco. Bears, sunshine, and a protest called No Kings. So I told them what we Germans did with ours. 🇩🇪 Call it comedy with historical context. #StandUp #Bearrison #Comedy #OnlyFons #GayComedian #NoKings

Last night’s Grin & BEAR show was a riot — thank you @safewordscomedy for the mic and mayhem. Next: Bearrison Street Fair Mainstage, 2:30 PM today. German accent. Queer chaos. Public therapy disguised as comedy. #Comedy #BearrisonStreetFair #Standup #QueerComedian #GayBear #LGBTQComedy

🐻 The bears are dramatic, but the laughs are real. Catch me live at Comedy Oakland, Mushin 2.0, this Thursday Oct 16, 8PM! No drink minimums. No hidden fees. 📍Mushin 2.0 — 416 13th St, Oakland 🎟️ Tickets at ComedyOakland.com #ComedyOakland #OnlyFons #BayAreaComedy #StandUp #LiveComedy

Half-hairy➡️Half-shaved🟰Fully committed. I’ve become the Gen X nonfluencer: my torso was worth investing in 🪒 Misunderstood def the assignment. 🗓️ This week: 3 shows in San Francisco (Thu–Sat) All Info: www.alfonsmueller.com #Comedy #Chubby #Chaser #BodyHair #SanFranciscoComedy #OnlyFons

🐂 Two bears 🦬. One train station 🚂. Zero mercy. KIDNEYSTONE = The Yellowstone × Brokeback Mountain mashup you didn’t ask for. 🤠 See the real chaos live: Bearrison Street Fair + Grin & BEAR @ SF Eagle Oct 17 + 18, SF! All Info: www.alfonsmueller.com #Comedy #Bearrison #OnlyFons #Yellowstone #StandUp

🧸 Kalamazoo — tonight gets thick, hairy & highly questionable. Testing new Bear Comedy material for #Bearrison Street Fair next week. 📍 Brewery Outrè Comedy 🕗 8 PM 🍺 Same gay, new testing ground. #StandUpComedy #BearCulture #OnlyFons #BlueskyBears #ChubbyChubbyChaser

🎥 Meet Gary, 52 — searching for love since VHS. 💔 He’s AI-generated, emotionally unavailable, and probably still rewinding his last breakup. But I’m real: on Oct 18 I’m coming to #Bearrison in SF to rock your stage (and maybe your daddy issues). 💅🇩🇪 #BearrisonStreetFair #GayComedy #OnlyFons #Sora2

Solved the loneliness epidemic with one naughty German saying. And some dating App Advices! 📺 NEW on YouTube: my full 7-minute set from Ann Arbor’s Say What! Open Mic: 👉 Watch here: youtu.be/NrxWDwrULRc #StandupComedy #GermanComic #LonelinessEpidemic #MichiganComedy #OnlyFons

Lost at “Kingpin of Comedy Semifinal.” 🎤👑 I brought Fat Bear Week 🐻🍩, Lederhosen drag 🧓🏻🇩🇪 & functional depression 😅💊… still no top 3. 🙃 More spiral fuel 🔄, more grind 💪🔥. #Comedy #StandUp #WorkInProgress #Lederhosen

I gave Ann Arbor a crash course in cultural appropriation 🇩🇪: ✨ History isn’t a costume ✨ Postcard painters → birthday card painters 🎨 ✨ Banning the one pill that helps pregnancy? Ex-husband energy 💊 🎤 Tomorrow: King Pin Semifinals! Vote live 👉 alfonsmueller.com #Comedy #StandUp

Tonight in #AnnArbor - great spontaneous LineUp at an awesome OpenMic! #StandUp #Comedy

I messed up and got hoaxed! Sorry - my bad! #Accountability #Update

Show cancelled tonight — instead I’m sending you a distilled memory-lane meltdown: unfiltered, not PG, and yes — we invented the Human Kleenex. If you’re offended, congratulations — you still care. 🧻✨ #OnlyFons #StandUp #QueerComedy #RelationshipFails

Uh Oh - #Meta is marking & labeling now #Antifacists! Why are #MAGA & #Techbros so keen on protecting #Facists? Do they have more self awareness than assumed? Also: Release the #Epstein Files! Just cultural approbation: Everyone should learn who marked Jews and Gays in Germany 85 years ago!

I rate myself on the German 🇩🇪, American 🇺🇸, gay 🌈, and gay bear 🐻 spectrum. Spoiler: it’s a different rating everywhere. 🎤 Next up: Catch me THIS WEDNESDAY at Dr. Grins, Grand Rapids. 👉 Tickets via alfonsmueller.com #StandUpComedy #GayBear #GermanComedian #GrandRapidsComedy #DrGrins #ComedyLife

San Francisco — get your paws ready. I’m bringing my bratwurst energy to the Bearrison Street Fair! 🎤🇩🇪 Oct 18th, I’ll be yelling jokes, sweating confidence, and hoping to meet my next tax-deductible entanglement.🧸💅 #Bearrison #OnlyFons #QueerComedy #Standup #LiveLaughLube

My husband and I don’t send thirst pics anymore. We send “medical mystery spots” 🥒➡️🔎. The last one? A skin tag. Sexy is temporary, dermatology is forever. Also: pimples have soulmates too. Poppers 💍 Non-poppers. They commit better than half of y’all. #Comedy #MarriageHumor #OnlyFons #StandUp

🟨 Old Man Drag = Referee PinUp. Yes, I used to be an American Football ref in Germany. Nothing like 3 hours of arguing with 4 other Germans 🇩🇪🏈 Now I’m just throwing flags at America: 🚩 “Unsportsmanlike Conduct! #StandUpComedy #ComedyReels #ComicLife #OnlyFons #AmericanFootball

Witness a 47 year old doing a Quick Drag Change! The German saying goes: ‘Well meant is the opposite of well done.’ 🎁 My football ref drag was a gift to teenage me. 🏈 Third place? A gift to myself. 🏆 Semifinals next — let’s go! 🚀✨ #Comedy #StandUpComedy #OnlyFons #Drag #TikTokComedy

🚩 Took 3rd place and still advancing to the #Semifinals of the #KingPinOfComedy #Competition! Old Man Ref Drag did its magic. #Comedy

🚨 Comedy Showdown! 🚨 Today I’m stepping into the Kingpin of Comedy ring — competing against the funniest humans in the region. 🥊😂 And yes, “Old Man Drag” will make an appearance. 👴💄 📍 Spectrum Entertainment Complex 📅 Sunday, Sept 14 | 8:30PM #KingpinOfComedy #StandUpComedy #OnlyFons #OldManDrag

Tonight, 9/12 – I’m bringing German chaos to the stage at Brewery Outré, 8PM. 🎤🍻 #StandUpComedy #LiveComedy #OnlyFons

Tonight in Chicago at @thecomedyplex ! Come, have a laugh on/with/through me! #StandUp #Comedy #Chicago #OnlyFons

Guest spot at Comedy Plex Chicago this Thursday. The two worst outcomes of Instagram ads: – 1-ply toilet paper (aka corporate bullying) – Clothes that fit like “baby gap but make it tragic” Come watch me roast both. #ChicagoComedy #StandUp #OnlyFons

Indiana: everyone holding a $1.8B Powerball ticket. Me: already planning my billionaire generosity. Also me: if you ever screwed me over, enjoy your $0.00. 🎰 (Side note: you can still smoke in bars here, which feels like winning lung cancer.)

🚨 Double the laughs, double the trouble 🚨 Tomorrow I’m hitting Jacks Bar & Grill, Lakefield IN with a double feature. 🎤🔥 Come for the food, stay for me oversharing about my pug and my questionable life choices. 🐶 #Comedy #StandUpComedy #LiveComedy #Laughs #FunnyAF #GoodVibesOnly #Lakefield #Indiana

Reykjavik, you were a reminder that “healthy” is a way of life—so healthy they have to import their husky men. Strongman culture = Gay Awakening! Will miss the Icelandic strongmen (and the vibes). Back stateside now, but keeping that Iceland energy alive #Iceland #travel #comedy #nature #Strongman

Open mic in Reykjavik 📚🎤 Had fun, even if I was sweating like a fat man after a rushed hike 💦 Iceland wasn’t ready for me representing both Germans 🇩🇪 and USA 🇺🇸 in one body. Scary times, but I survived ✌️ #StandUp #Comedy #ComedyLife #OpenMic #Comedian #OnlyFons

💊 From Viagra to Cialis to ménage à trois: I’m basically running a pharmaceutical marketing testlab in my mouth. 🎤 The side effect? Not just “ED Head”, it’s giving “Love Pug Energy™.” 🐶❤️ Forget Designated Driver… I need an Erection Doula™. #StandUpComedy #LovePug #EDHead #HardTimes #StrongPugs

Tonight: Homefield 🎤 Grand Rapids Advantage: Monday night, new laughs! I’m hitting Comedy Outlet Mondays (COM) with 7 fresh minutes — mostly new, mostly risky, definitely funny. Start your week with me! Who’s coming out? #OnlyFons #ComedyOutletMondays #StandUpComedy

Turns out Midwestern English is 50% small talk… and 50% corn. 🌽 Somehow, I managed to make all of it sound like a middle aged definition. 😅 #StandUpComedy #MidwestHumor #OnlyFons #ComedyClip #Cornfed

Weight loss meds are great. Especially when they’re gummies. 🍬 Corporate meetings are way more fun when you’re playing “What’s That Gummy?” in your morning bowl of happymakers. #StandUpComedy #ComedyShow #WorkHumor #CorporateLife #StandUp #ComedyLife

Kankakee, Illinois 🏋️‍♂️ My doctor calls it “Person of Size.” I call it: 3.5 years in the USA, 50 lbs heavier… thanks to microplastics, forever chemicals, and White Castle’s toxic romance menu. Fun show, worth the cholesterol spike. ❤️ #Comedy #StandUpComedy #QueerComedy #MidwestHumor

See - I can be social! 😉

Bears bears bears!

And here’s the set 🎤👇 3 fast food jokes (McDonald’s, Taco Bell(e), White Castle), 1 near‑fall off stage, Still took 2nd place + moving on to quarterfinals! 🚀 (If you missed the outfit pics, check my previous post — my shirt deserves the applause.) #StandUp #Comedian #ComedyCompetition #LiveComedy

Sunday Night Funnies 🍔🌮🏰 Fit check + pre‑show vibes at the comedy competition. Thanks to Royaura Shirts for making me look like I belonged on stage. 👕 Use ALF15 for 15% off — you’ll look like a 2nd winner!😉 ➡️ Video from the set in the next post. #StandUp #Comedian #ComedyCompetition #LiveComedy

Highland Games in Shepherd, Michigan: where I got soaked multiple times — first from stormy rain, then from stormy sweat. 🌧️🔥 I threw heavy stuff, cheered louder stuff, and met the best people. Honestly, the medals were optional — the fun wasn’t. #HighlandGames #OnlyFons #BearsOfBluesky

🚨Show Promo🚨 Sunday, 27th July AI turned me into every superhero on the wall. This Sunday I turn into your King Pin of Comedy. Round 1. Let’s butcher the Butchers of Jokes. #StandUp #Comedy #OnlyFons #SundayNightFunnies #PosterBoyOfPunchlines

Swimming in a beer glass in lederhosen. Don’t AI-sk. It’s awkwardly sexy + weirdly thirst-trappy (especially for bears). 🎤 Catch me live: Fri, July 25 @ Brewery Outré, Kalamazoo. No AI, just LOLs. #OnlyFons #Instabears #ChubbyChubbyChaser #Standup

Let me introduce you to LABUBU-Fons: 350 lbs of crazy-people-honey-pot— sweet enough to lure bears, bold enough to attract the unstable My opener at the comedy night at BOLD Cigar Bar in Grand Rapids. 🔥💨🍯 #LABUBUFons #Labubu #StandUp #Comedy #onlyfons

This Thursday 7:30 PM — I’m lighting up the stage and the lounge at Bold Cigar Bar in Grand Rapids 💨🔥 #OnlyFons #CigarBarComedy #GRcomedy #LiveStandup #BearOnStage #LitSet #ThursdayVibes #StandUp #Comdey

🎯 Comedy Marketing Lesson: Why I really don’t like the name Alligator Alcatraz 🐊 Why Triple C would be the better branding — even for a global translation 🌍 Quick set at Dr. Grins. Soon at Bold Cigar Bar in Grand Rapids 🎤🚬 #Comedy #StandUpComedy #BearComedian #OnlyFons #AlligatorAlcatraz

Redneck Drag Realness at River City Saloon 🤠💅 👕 Cutoff shirt: on 💨 Shoulder hairs: free 😱 Big Beautiful Bill: Scary! 🏥 My Health Insurance: not ready #Comedy #CutoffShirtChaos #ShoulderHairReveal #GayComedy #StandUpTikTok #MidwestFunny #BigBeautifulBill #QueerHumor