A very big pervert is doing a very bad job of trying to hide in this very bushy tree.

GIG UPDATE: Marina. The one and only princess of pop, the original primadonna girl and an absolute bubblegum bitch. Marina - and Electra Heart - is a pure icon and this is what every gig should be like. EVERY SINGLE ONE!

Marina’s pre-show playlist includes Kelly Osborne’s One Love, making it abundantly clear, if this was not already obvious, that this is going to be an amazing gig.

A Freedom Watch racist was being racist outside Camden Town tube station this evening. Fuck those pricks.

Not to repeat myself, but Adrian Chiles should try being a netball fan, which gets even less coverage than baseball - or, indeed, rounders - despite the fact it is literally played here. #netball

Are we 100% sure it’s his 80th birthday and not, say, his 14th, given this whole thing could only be more teenage boy coded if the event is sponsored by Lynx Africa.

I had a dream that I was hanging out with Shed Seven outside a supermarket. Mansun then turned up, so I goaded the two bands into having a fight based on their Six/Seven connections before later trashing Mansun’s Wacky Races style car while sarcastically singing Legacy.

I’d forgotten how much walking the Monument/Bank changeover involved, something which my little toe is regretting, thanks to these shoes.

There is a fire alarm at work, so to avoid burning inside we’ve all been sent outside to burn in the sunshine instead.

I have to take the Northern Line into work this morning. Not sure what will kill me first, the overpowering heat or the people who think that deodorant is an optional extra.

As a netball fan, I would love to be able to complain about only two columns for a specific team in amongst multiple pages of coverage for the sport in general, but sadly that is a privilege I will never know. #netball #nsl2026

The only surprising thing about this is that it isn’t higher.

I have just put all my chocolate in the fridge, and am beginning to wonder if I need to do the same with all my records.

As a fully grown adult, you’d think I’d have actually learnt how to dress for the summer by now, but yet here we are.

I am in the market for a singular pant.

The heat seems to have brought some ants into my flat and now everything feels itchy.

No thanks. I have literally no desire to dig out my old PE kit and wear it down the pub.

Ella needs to be kicked off the show for using “period” in the American sense. #nobodysfool

Emily Atack needs to sack her stylist. #nobodysfool

“What happens in quiz pod stays in quiz pod” “I want to see your face, not your crotch” Emily is giving off very mixed messages. #nobodysfool

The elevator pitch for Nobody’s Fool was clearly “The Traitors but no likeable characters” #nobodysfool

Only able to watch the first half of the Lightning/Rhinos match and, while the Lightning lead isn’t exactly a surprise, at least Rhinos are making them work for it. #netball #nsl2026

How does it keep up with the news like that?

It is officially Too Hot and, as a Scot, I look forward to my skin turning the colour of raw irn bru as a result.

Eventually finished The Miniature Wife and, yes, it remained bad. It might have been better if it picked a lane and stuck to it, but it never seemed to quite know what it wanted to be. I look forward to a Space Colon spin off series though.

Given that the main piece of festival fashion advice is always “Don’t wear a playsuit as you’ll regret it the instant you need to use one of the portaloos”, Cosmo has really dropped the ball with their suggestion of a one piece swimsuit as part of a “disco raver” look.

Reading between the lines, "Theo" is clearly the guy who sings diarrhoea in the pepto bismol advert.

Number one: You’re sitting next to a hen do, they’ve just opened their second bottle of prosecco and Stacey’s bitterness about not being picked as a bridesmaid is beginning to move from subtext to text.

GIG UPDATE: Super Furry Animals. More bangers than the combined stock of every butchers in the country and no gristle or fat, just pedigree Welsh goodness and pure genius from start to finish. What a gig! WHAT! A! BAND! #sfaok

Brixton! Show me magic! #sfaok

Counterpoint: Criss-cross waistbands serve mainly to make it look like you haven’t redressed yourself properly after going to the bathroom.

Scandalous.

It’s Taylor Swift weather.

GIG UPDATE: Girl Scout. Pure alt-pop goodness which sets off absolute fireworks and then uses those fireworks to set off an absolute rocket. Just immense from start to finish.

We don’t talk enough about this ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

Why are Amazon Prime still continuing to make Good Omens with Neil Gaiman given the whole, y’know, Neil Gaiman thing?

Foamier: An even bigger fear of missing out on something.

My boy! What have they done to my beautiful boy!

I would like to formally announce that I am now fully on board with this pun after seeing it reused in this “Summer dresstination” form. Any further updates regarding this important matter will be shared in due course.

The connection is “Excellent names for hamsters”

We should be grateful they haven’t yet used this as an opportunity to pivot the discourse to their perennial obsession with gym knickers, but I’m sure that’ll come before the week is out.

Post a meme made by you.

An unexpected use of "lady garden" in today’s Guardian letters page, which is still working through its PE trauma.

Apparently this headline is about private equity firms and not, as I’d assumed, being hit in the mouth by a hockey stick.

I’m doing the Eurovision boycott thing, so you’re all spared my usual low quality “hilarious” live commentary for the evening. You’re welcome!

Sometimes all you need is a cheap screw.

Stay Together! Oh…

Exclusive footage of this morning’s Wes Streeting/Keir Starmer meeting:

One of my neighbours accidentally took and opened a parcel of mine, before returning it after realising it only contained paper plates. I’m unsure if I should be glad it contained nothing embarrassing/personal/valuable or ashamed at having the banality of my life exposed.

Charli XCX, surely?