My potential employer told me to clean up my hair for my final interview. It was pretty messy, so it was fair. At that point I'd had a sleek updo once in my life in the fifth grade, and I hated it. I hate it now, too. I look immensely ugly. Also like a cruel caricature of a transexual. So dysphoric.

And now she is saying the relationship isn't fair to me. Fascinating and probably true but I doubt her reasons would be the same as mine lmao

Oh okay she finally said something about the poem: "i remember a real feeling of discomfort as i read it" Awesome. Not what I was going for but cool

Guys. You won't believe it. But we're fighting again. Honestly it's on me. I made the mistake of bringing the poetry up again since that obviously never got resolved. It seems that she is for real dying on the hill that "it is nice :) ty" is an engaged response to a heartfelt poem

I KNOW MY PAIN IS SUCH AN IMPOSITION

I took my anxiety meds earlier when my GF accidentally implied to me, who was riddled with anxiety, that she was giving up on us. And I am like, so lucid, so rational, so calm. I need to take those more often… only I worry taking during the day will cancel out my Adderall and make me useless again

So it has been overwhelmingly apparent to me that I am having severe anger issues lately. Like, my brain will take any mixture of negative emotions and just make it Anger Sludge. So I'm just seething even if the root emotion is something that would manifest differently like worry

Guess who's still awake at 3:42 am having a stressful conversation with his partner. Not a fight anymore at least... I don't think. At least I'm calm. You know, she slept from 1:30-10pm, so I'm sure she'll be fine. But I have to be up… all day tomorrow, starting at 8am. Great

Yep it became about her mental health. I'm never going to hear her say she's sorry I felt hurt. Oh well. Admittedly, while I was not accusatory, I could have approached my expression of hurt in a manner which was more mindful of her situation. So I'm okay with the direction the conversation has gone

Thrice I have directly prompted my girlfriend to say the words "I'm sorry you feel hurt," noting that I'd only want her to if she meant it. She has not said these words and instead basically said "have you considered that your expectations which I set are unreasonable because of my mental health?"

Maybe I'm too woke, but one cannot be in the wrong for having a feeling

Implied disappointment that my girlfriend didn't get back to me about the poems and said that I was worried she would frame it as though I'm in the wrong for feeling hurt (literally never possible btw, no one is ever in the wrong for having feelings) Well. She proved my little worry wart self right!

Ranting to my roommate about a fight I had with my GF days ago. Tempted to address with GF various concerning things about the fight. But like the poetry thing which I'm still upset about, it isn't worth more conflict. Crazily her reply to my first (mid) poem for her was much more engaged

I did shave my fuck ass Stede Bonnet side burns for my interview today. I almost didn't get a second interview here because the hiring manager is homophobic and could tell I was not straight despite my best efforts. And also because they called Texas Roadhouse, and those petty cunts defamed me :-p

Okay this free transportation to appointments thing is great but I wish he would listen to me when I told him to turn lol. Like your GPS doesn't know where you're going, I DO

At least I'm on the way to therapy

:,-) yeah no one cares and I give up. I am going to sleep

I don't know, I think it's nice. I don't do language poetry so it does have a pretty comprehensible meaning. (The doe in the woods part is about a painting I bought her from a local artist featuring a dear in a forest fire and also about her experiences with homelessness).

Literally why do I bother. What a waste of a surprisingly good poem (compared to my other recent ones which are pretty lousy). Why am I cursed to write poetry for people who don't care?

I was about to format this post like greentext but decided that was cursed. Anyway I wrote/sang my girlfriend a poem in which I explicitly state that I am baring my soul to her. Her response… "it is nice :) ty" This is objectively a positive response. So why RSD? 😭

Just realized I can see who blocked me. I'm not stressing though lol I write underage stuff so like that's probably why

TW suicidal ideation It has reached a point where I am actually really hoping to have a fatal stroke or heart attack

I really do just have to be fake like all the time which probably means I'm a bad person

I'm miserable

I'm pretty easily frightened. Generally skittish

Everything is fine

I'm so unhappy

I'm exhausted. Why is every mildly serious conversation a minefield?

Honestly I probably just shouldn't be a Dom that's the real conclusion

Went to my partner's house, where I have a getting-things-done success rate of 0, and thought I would get something done. Lol. Lmao. We fucked twice and also her butt is now bruised and swollen

ppl calling chatgpt "chat" annoys me like no that's what you call your livestream chat

Thank you to my Bluesky feed for informing me there is now an app called Moob. Social media maybe. Fascinating stuff

can my insurance stop calling me

You mean to tell me I have been able to use my Medicaid to get transportation to my appointments... this whole time... so many dollars blown on Lyfts 😭 so many miles walked

Okay everything is fine 🎉 I am going to be so careful not to cause more conflict

Yep everything still sucks

Things are really not great

Time and time again life has told me: just don't have expectations and you can't be disappointed. So why can't my stupid hopeful heart learn a lesson?

Lots of wet towels in my future probably

Like at least one of the poems was about me being a parasite. So she should be connecting the dots by now if she actually read it

Frenchie I understand you

I am happy in my relationship…

Just sent my girlfriend like twelve old poems. It wasn't a test initially but it is now. Act carefully

took us a bit longer than anticipated but @lovedhands.bsky.social and i are finally ready to serve this meal! archiveofourown.org/works/81802261

Day 3: Slick, Masturbation, & Biting Ed watches his mates roleplay. CW: Cis Omega!Stede, Cis Omega!Izzy, Cis Alpha!Ed, BDSM, Voyeurism, Striptease, Pantysniffing, Violent B!tching Roleplay, Masturbation, Nipple Play, Rough PIV Sex, Biting, Knotting #nsfw #steddyhands #ofmdnsfw #OmegaStedeWeek

Chomp :3 (Cw a teeny bit of blood, also like. Gratuitous smut) #OmegaStedeWeek #ofmdnsfw

Okay I guess right atrial enlargement isn't something that usually goes away on its own. Rats

💕🥐😋

I'm done asking for help

I seemingly can't stop fighting with my partner