Hot tip: don't hook up with someone that lives really close to you if you don't want to see them *literally* everywhere.

white people like to say things like "I'm starvin', Marvin!"

I should call him,,,

reshare for alt text, republicans and rich people who want to privatize mail have been lying about the USPS and trying to push this narrative longer than I've been alive, and imposing massive financial burdens on it to make it "insolvent"

Word to the wise: don't paint your nails when you're drunk. You will...not do a very good job. 😅

I used to despise the term "man-bun"

My wife called me "furry-adjacent" and I am *deeply* offended.

hey, thank you to all of the people who have been with me over the years (since my twitter days) even though i haven't met the vast majority of you, i think you're all wonderful

my wife tells me i'm "auntie-coded"

Ordered some Minty Eye Drops. Excited to see how my dry face orbs fare against these suckers. 🫪

Mental health level: leaving comments on YouTube videos.

perhaps,

Why won't the watermelons get married? Because they cantaloupe. :)

I kinda wanna straighten my hair, but I hate using my flat iron... So I'm considering going to my hairdresser to get a trim, and asking her to straighten it for me. 😅

I have a friend who is very preoccupied with exercise, and dieting, and I'm not quite sure how to convey to this friend that - as someone who has struggled with disordered eating - hearing someone talk about how they *need* to lose weight, and *need* to go to the gym, I am a bit disturbed.

my greatest fault is my attraction to men

more people should try transgenderism, it's really neat 😎

looking to become more ethereal

Notice that you never hear about anyone who isn't cis and white opining for "the good old days". Fascinating, that.

Shrimp chips, Sapporo, and old British sketch shows. What a lovely Wednesday evening. 🥰

My spouse is seeing a movie, so I decided to go to a small local bar right around the corner from my house BY MYSELF

I think it's quite magnanimous of me to acknowledge my own narcissistic tendencies - which is, of course, indicative of the aforementioned narcissism.

Any person with a Harry Potter tattoo who also claims to support trans people should have to carve the tattoo out of their skin to prove their fealty to the movement. 🤷🏻

I truly believe Michelle Yeoh is one of the best actors of our time. She is a powerhouse of talent, and prestige. I'm not really a celebrity person, but if I ever met her in person, I would probably cry.

If given the option between making regular mashed potatoes, and making colcannon, why would you not choose colcannon?? It's just categorically better in every way.

Jeff Bezos, eat rocks and walk into the nearest lake, pretty please.

On the train with one million drunk idiots. Gonna kill myself.

woke up craving suan la fen one of many such cases

I think the age of consent should be raised to 20-years-old.

don't feed ducks bread! if you *must* feed them, try frozen peas and corn

Heterosexuals make me deeply uncomfortable. I disapprove of their lifestyle choice.

fat is: a) not a bad word b) not a shameful word c) hot as fuck

Love is a basic human right🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 Gender shouldn’t draw any lines. Why does the world make something so natural feel so hard? Let’s hold hands and shout it loud—love should be free for everyone. love is love♡

A lot of transphobic people will say things like "I have friends who are trans" and let me tell you, bud, you don't. You may *know* trans people, but if you are standing in opposition of trans identities, and actively espousing transphobic rhetoric, you do not have trans friends.

there is an old guy on the train having a conversation with an ai chat bot on full volume, and i'm 99% sure he believes that it's a real person, and also that it is his girlfriend

It's imperative that children have advocates outside of their immediate family. Children need trusted adults that exist outside of the home.

I like having my hair longer, but I have a bad habit of keeping it perpetually tied up with a scrunchie. I'm actively trying to let it down more often, but then it gets in my f a c e

I'd love to learn how to play the biwa

i'm not a bigot, but i don't tend to get along with other bottoms

I had an edible last week and couldn't remember the word "bellybutton" so I called it a "bellyhole"

it would seem that i bring a very fact-based, knowledge-haver vibe that is apparently off-putting in casual conversation

Overly messy food stresses me out because the maintenance required is SO high 😵‍💫

Have you ever looked up something so stupid you have to go in and delete your search history?

Oh shit, is this disassociation? Well I'll be damned.

Sometimes mental health is this funny little dance on the edge of a knife. A teetering between elation and depression that brings with it a type of hilarity that begins to erode the well-defined lines of social structures. It is in those moments that I find myself very detached from it all.

I find Spring and Summer to be far more romantic than Winter. Romance times are approaching. 🥰💕

guy who keeps a ranked list of all experiences pain? 2/10 happiness? 8/10

belief-pilled, religion-moding faithoid

Jinro plum is just categorically better than Soon Hari plum. Soon Hari is okay, but Jinro is where it's at.