cishets aren't allowed to call each other 'tops' and 'bottoms' of course we know which of you are the tops, and which are the bottoms stolen valor!!!

"i think therefore i fag" or whatever descartes said

felt like havin' a lil beer... GET IT???? 🤣

Actually, I've changed my mind. This is the ideal straight man archetype.

BDG is a prime example of God doing some fuckery by making a twink (otter?) straight (presumably). Wild choice, chief.

I think I'd be a really good religious leader if I cared less about empathy and truth.

i unabashedly love brunch; i go all out for brunch it's probably my gayest quality i mean, that, and the whole kissing men thing

had a zombie nightmare which means i'm all done with sleeping now, i guess 🫪

it's cute when women have those light little hairs on their face :)

I don't mean to sound egotistical, but I wish the average person was able to communicate on the same level in which I reside. I often find myself having to... use simple language, and speak more plainly in order to "fit in"; it feels inauthentic.

everyone's favorite vegetable is just some form of brassica oleracea or capsicum annuum

Well... He tried. 🤷🏻😂

Ajitsuke tamago is probably the best way to consume eggs. Is there a better way? I think not.

I'll never hear the Cheers theme song without getting a little teary. Thanks, Simon. 🥺🩵

the hips are the shoulders of the legs think about it

Ah, Springtime in Chicago... The sun is sometimes shining, the pigeons are fucking, an overwhelming odor of cum permeates the air. Majestic.

Everyone is all like "Oh man, lost in the Delta Quadrant? That sucks!" I'm over here like "Yes please!"

I wish I could join Starfleet 😩

I've been rewatching Voyager and goddamnit if this isn't my favorite Star Trek series 😍

When someone gives you unsolicited advice, I think it's perfectly reasonable to respond with "I didn't ask, but thanks anyway." It may seem dismissive, and cold, but it's factual. There's nothing wrong with drawing a boundary when someone oversteps.

I'm trying my darndest to be body positive, but it's not very easy. I really don't want to relapse into old ED habits.. the last time that happened I ended up 65 lbs lighter, and looked like I had a terminal illness.

i think sometimes i have the tendency to come on a little strong when it comes to my excitement for engaging with friends which ends up being a bit draining for other people dang

Me: "You know what I love? Komorebi." My wife, visibly frightened: "Homo rabies???"

making a delicious casserole for my beloved spouse for dinner for to eat 🤠

dear work, i regret to inform you that i will be turning in my 2 week notice so i can spend more time with my cats, thank you for your understanding in this matter </3

check out my preordered koi bag from curlworks! amaze! 🥰🏵️🎏

you'll never fall for an email scam if you never check your email 😎

sleepy man

not sure if this is an adhd thing, but the idea of doing chores (dishes, laundry, etc...) without some form of media (podcast, show, music...) sounds like torture

with these *extremely* potent, refreshing eye drops, i can now see the innermost secrets of the universe

Hot tip: don't hook up with someone that lives really close to you if you don't want to see them *literally* everywhere.

white people like to say things like "I'm starvin', Marvin!"

I should call him,,,

reshare for alt text, republicans and rich people who want to privatize mail have been lying about the USPS and trying to push this narrative longer than I've been alive, and imposing massive financial burdens on it to make it "insolvent"

Word to the wise: don't paint your nails when you're drunk. You will...not do a very good job. 😅

I used to despise the term "man-bun"

My wife called me "furry-adjacent" and I am *deeply* offended.

hey, thank you to all of the people who have been with me over the years (since my twitter days) even though i haven't met the vast majority of you, i think you're all wonderful

my wife tells me i'm "auntie-coded"

Ordered some Minty Eye Drops. Excited to see how my dry face orbs fare against these suckers. 🫪

Mental health level: leaving comments on YouTube videos.

perhaps,

Why won't the watermelons get married? Because they cantaloupe. :)

I kinda wanna straighten my hair, but I hate using my flat iron... So I'm considering going to my hairdresser to get a trim, and asking her to straighten it for me. 😅

I have a friend who is very preoccupied with exercise, and dieting, and I'm not quite sure how to convey to this friend that - as someone who has struggled with disordered eating - hearing someone talk about how they *need* to lose weight, and *need* to go to the gym, I am a bit disturbed.

my greatest fault is my attraction to men

more people should try transgenderism, it's really neat 😎

looking to become more ethereal

Notice that you never hear about anyone who isn't cis and white opining for "the good old days". Fascinating, that.