[in the background: american getting sentenced for 30+ years in jail for moving a box of zines] my coworkers: ”i wonder what color the reflecting pool is today”

every time the IT guy has to connect remotely to my laptop to fix something i broke on it, i send him this gif

one of the stupidest, dumbest, most evil people in the world whomst i loathe and despise just invited me to their party on saturday and i think i wanna go to see all the freaks

i need a club remix of “tis a gift to be simple”

i should wear a bustle. i can hide liquor in there.

my pilates studio is offering discounts on classes because its the owner‘s dog’s birthday - sometimes i do hate LA

to me it's normal bread

there is a lot of pain in this world but not in my beautiful los angeles! not today!!

i keep getting ads for the star wars themed burlesque night and im starting to think its a psyop to get me to hurt myself

listen, your tail won't just grow overnight. you have to follow the regiment i sent you

last night i dreamt i was watching some ken burns-style documentary on the great depression and they were playing these old timey songs and one was called "as long as you can walk, and no one is shooting at you yet, keep going" - not bad advice

i'm tired of living in the shadows and pretending to be someone i'm not. in honor of pride month, i'm publicly coming out as an arby's lover....

Who was in the wrong here?

1) i kissed the cat at noon 2) then stumbled out the room 3) i caught a cab, ran up a tab on 7th & flower

i have that as-of-yet undiscovered 6th love language: “drinking with someone until the sun comes up”

just screenshotted my phone in a really stupid attempt to screenshot something i was listening to

Edibles

spent all day at the beach, lounging in the pouring sun of los angeles

self portrait

i watched too much titanic as a kid, which explains my fear of the ocean and my love for fine dining and raw dogging in the backseats of cars

be the family guy, peter. or homer will have to do it again.

this wont mean anything to anyone but me - but i finally cleaned the mirror

i love los angeles

hazing the new intern by giving them tasks that demystify marx’s theory of alienation

went to the race track and uhh… well… lets just say everyone there knew you

i’m gonna start calling apple watches “kpi machines”

my latino ass in france: “nahh dude, imaginer?”

walking the streets of bakersfield

got into an electric knife fight last night

i’ve always depended on the kind bars of strangers

furry TI who thinks the government is giving their fursuit mange with lasers

(psyching myself up in the mirror before giving a speech in front of 300 people) no, but really, look at this cocky teenage latina coming to destroy your fragile ego with a look

gold star pansexual

don’t let the smooth taste fool you

excited to announce i'm receiving a macarthur dumbass grant

sometimes it really does feel as if god has no more empathy or god has gone insane

I will smile at everyone I see

i still really need a furry artist who can draw a illustration of my fursona and lindsey lohan’s dogshit nft fursona being kicked out of the chateau marmont in 2012

dentist: "ivy, even tho you haven’t been here in two years, you have surprisingly no buildup" me: (mouth full of equipment) "yeah im gods favorite"

this is fascism now, fascism now dot org, the war and death report, i’m amy badman

puppet theatre haul

sometimes it is sad in the morning, and sometimes its even sadder in the afternoon, bach or no bach

[pretend this post is a 2010-style ‘creepypasta’ concerning the recently discovered secret vault of kinkade paintings, in which he painted prophetic visions of disease & war which have come true in the 2020s. a single painting remains of a desolate war-torn american landscape. it is titled “2030”]

The comic is going to print today.

life in a text

change your name to Authorized Personnel and see how the world opens up for you