With respect, I no longer want an answer to this question. bsky.app/profile/benn...

I keep hearing about terrible behavior from companies I never use. "Join the boycott! Don't cross the picket line!" ...Okay, no problem there. Starbucks? I don't drink coffee. Hobby Lobby? Closest one is 100 miles away. Chick-Fil-A? Never even seen one. Easiest boycotts ever.

It's 106 miles to the Vatican. We got a full tank of holy water, half a pack o' wafers, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses. I know there have probably been 200 versions of that gag since this picture surfaced, so I rushed to get mine in before I saw any others.

Standard "Pulp Fiction or The Bad Guys?" question.

I'm going through my record collection and found what might be the silliest one.

Last couple of weeks have been kind of a rollercoaster, haven't they?

I had all kinds of jokes to make about this Polaroid until I realized it was 38 years old and crumbled to dust on the spot...

I invented the Junkyard Dog back in the '90s when I was developing furry characters left and right, but he didn't get a story until recently. An unpleasant, antisocial Wolf owns a scrapyard, and refuses to deal with the merchants demanding he sell his metal cheaply. www.patreon.com/posts/143216...

Sounds like a confession to me.

Found this in my record collection, gave it a listen. Probably the driest narrator I've ever heard do anything. He sounds like he's reading instructions for changing a tire.

You know, I dont want to give Anita Bryant credit for...well, literally anything ever, but there used to be a time when a conservative could take a pie to the chops without making a literal Federal case out of it... Someone once threw a milkshake at Andy Ngo and he's still whining about it.

I was fooled by the AI one, so I found a real one. youtu.be/RGokoL-G1A4

Whoops. Forgot the gunpowder treason.

Moving house can be stressful

Dear billionaires: I think we should talk. Have a seat. ...I brought chips. Want chips? No? All right, well, they're there if you want them. I want to know whether any of you remember a comic book called "Richie Rich." Used to read it religiously when I was a kid. I have an old copy here. /🧵

Congratulations to all the Democratic candidates who won tonight. It’s a reminder that when we come together around strong, forward-looking leaders who care about the issues that matter, we can win. We’ve still got plenty of work to do, but the future looks a little bit brighter.

It's been a half hour since the AP called it for Mamdani and already I see some people wringing their hands about how the cards are stacked against him, and to them I say, my friends, learn to enjoy a fucking moment, they didn't come around near enough, the man of the hour is partying, take the hint

I just found a third electrical outlet in my room behind a bookshelf and it made me so happy. Like, I suspected it was there, but I had to check. Now I can get rid of this...fire hazard next to the home office. It's the little things.

Welp, I'm all done with my stay-at-home vacation and ready to go back to work. *looks around* This house is a pit.

November brings us the third chapter of "A Pocketful of Stars" at the premium level. I think I beat all the typos out of it... In this chapter, Iorgi Murrett's past comes back to haunt, and possibly have sex with, him. www.patreon.com/c/Ben_Goodri...

We had about a dozen trick-or-treaters last night, which was nice. We're still kind of the new neighbors, because we've been rather isolated since we moved in. But we calibrated our candy purchase to when we lived in the suburbs. We have soooo many leftovers.

Ugh. The whole right side of my face hurts. This is what happens when you eat a seven-ounce bag of gummi bears without wearing your dentures. A lot of muscles that don't work very hard have to work a lot harder. I've got plenty of real teeth left, but apparently not enough for the heavy lifting.

Stealing this idea.

I watched "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," and something about it hit different this time. We all know the story: delusional Linus convinces little Sally to wait around in a pumpkin patch for a Santa Claus expy called "The Great Pumpkin" instead of going trick or treating.

I saw the best statues of antique lands Vast trunkless stone Standing in the desert next to the half-sunken shattered visage A frown and sneer of cold command peering from the dunes in an angry glare Whose inscription read, "Hey, can it, bigstuff, get a load of these works" Nothing left but sand.

Change one letter, ruin a candy Sweat Tarts

"Monster's Buffet" is this week's free-to-read Patreon headliner. An all-you-can-eat buffet with a Wednesday special is a good place to find a small family of hungry werewolves. Also a food fight, multiple assaults, and a lengthy police report. www.patreon.com/c/Ben_Goodri...

Neighbor: "Hanging Halloween decor? It looks good!" Me: "Yes...'Halloween'..."

Ceci n'est pas une pipe.

The function, the very serious function of racism is distraction. It keeps you from doing your work. It keeps you explaining, over and over again, your reason for being. -toni morrison

Hugs

"Dear Portland City Council: Can we talk?"

It's going to be so amazing being alive in 2026 because the front page will say "BREAKING Mamdani Received Free Cheese Pizza From a Local Vendor, Calls to Resign Mount" and then on page 3 you'll see "Hegseth's Pentagon Rape Dungeon Raises Legal Questions."

Breeze was wondering why he's not out on the lawn yet, but we just finished a major building project here at the Howl House and there were old nails all over the yard... Better to delay a week than risk a deflated wolf. He gets paid the same either way...

No kidding, there was some Trumper on Reddit who tried to convince me that Trump was *doing this to troll the libs.* I'm not even kidding - he implied that Trump had taken a backhoe to the People's House because it annoyed his political adversaries to do so.

I never get a chance to listen to my old record collection, so I dug through the basement until I found this Crosley I bought a few years ago. Tonight, Arthur Fiedler and the Boston Pops perform songs by Glenn Miller. I'm a rebel.

Found in Mad Magazine, September 1982. ...Agreed.

Picture like this makes me think the Jagaroth are at it again...

The Tribe makes its debut on Patreon with "Predator," a story about how a Pack deals with a werewolf hunter - a man motivated by a huge bounty for werewolf pelts. www.patreon.com/c/Ben_Goodri...

I just saw another reminder that Trump supporters really do believe the propaganda. It's not a bit, it's not something they're doing to "own the libs," they genuinely do believe against all evidence that Portland is in flames, that Chicago is a warzone, and that yesterday's protests were violent.

Hey, here's that hashtag again. #politics Also #nokings

I did not care for "An American Werewolf in London."

It's the 1980s, in an elementary school in rural Maine. Columbus is on the curriculum. Far from being characterized as a genius, the curriculum describes him as kind of an idiot - a guy who couldn't get funding for his journey and sailed thousands of miles to the wrong place in a boat that sank.

Post you from another era. Task misunderstood, posted picture from 1921.

I've got like thirty open tabs on my laptop's browser. They're the research articles for the story I'm working on, and they've all been open for four weeks, because apparently I've never heard of bookmarks or browser history.

images that spring to mind unbidden, part 835: "the poison for Kuzco"

Two stories for Patreon this week. "In the Cave" was a story I wrote for a college writing class, and "Cave of the Bear Clan" was a response to it that I wrote mostly for myself. "In the Cave" is a freebie if anyone wants to indulge. www.patreon.com/c/Ben_Goodri...

"Every time I look at that place it's burning down." Is he just watching the same video over and over?