Beat it like you’re deranged. Me:

First attempt at trying to get a headshot

It pairs magically with Hennessy Pure White

My ex boyfriend. Bare in mind that we broke up a year and a half ago. I should kick his head 360, because WHAT DO YOU MEANNNN that you have this level of audacity

HR is going to walk you into the office with this post on the table.

My dick and I finally have some privacy

I try to not think of astrology as being anything more than silly entertainment, but I have never met an Aries that I haven’t had friction with in the first 15. A Pisces without attachment issues, or a Taurus that wasn’t an hour away from wanting food, sex or sleep

Rosé

These Epstein emails????? At this point we don’t even need the list.. go look at those, now!

I was heading down to the mailroom and one of my neighbors go into the elevator with me. When the doors closed she said, “don’t you think that those shorts are too short to be out of your apartment?”

Walk with me: The tariffs imposed were illegal. Ergo, the money that we paid because of them was theft. The $2k check is from tariffs. He’s LITERALLY offering to RETURN SOME of what he STOLE and EXPECTS GRATITUDE. This is so fucking insulting. You should all be disgusted

A loving mother and her special needs child.

Mad corny. Wait, how’d I get in my knees?

I just tried to sing a note that my throat was never designed to make, and ended up making a sound that the world has never heard. I feel like MJ Rodriguez

Who even dug her up? omg, return the slab

Dora’s Backpack song is actually trap. The fuck do you mean that In your backpack is loaded up with things and knick-knacks too!?

BlueSky, for reasons that I cannot place believes that I want to be inundated with white bears… I have never once interacted with any such media.

If this race ends in any way but what is CLEARLY Mamdani, I’m going to know something

A dog and his canine

With face 🫣🫣🫣

The "it's class not race" crowd 🤝 white supremacists

I can recognize that espresso is more pleasant with some flavoring agent. That said, I prefer the deeply bitter joy erasing oblivion of black cold brew.

Me flirting with Dracula at the Halloween party

Having a type doesn’t mean that everyone in that type is your type,

❤️❤️❤️

Where do lesbians congregate? I can find the gays in any bar, bathroom or locker room. But lesbians move through the shadow realm. I feel like you have to take a cup of chamomile tea, 2 vegan brownies, a bookmark and walk backward into a closet to transported like Narnia.

*Blinks in socially aware American*

Anytime someone says, “That’s why you’re single.”, as an insult, they’re really just broadcasting their crippling codependency and lack of identity outside of the perceived benefits and validation that someone settling for them would bring.

* Friend dates guy * Me: I hate the bitch for you. Here’s why… Her: Don’t judge on me, just love on me * Friend breaks up with guy for issues that I identified months prior * Me: Thank God. Her: Omg, why didn’t you say that you don’t like him? I- ! ... Okay

I’ve been reconnecting with someone I dated a couple years back and he said, “You weren’t this nasty last time, who taught you that?” The streets that you left me in.

Wait, is it Columbus Day? Oh. Hm.

You’d be spun like a dreidel

Event Horizon holds up WAY better than I thought it would. Just a gorgeous and outstandingly original and creepy movie.

Tops: You gotta know to not fuck too fast. It’ll feel better for both of you to slow beat it. Take your time pushing and pulling your stroke through. Those last 16 drills feel like an exorcism when your cum becomes the lube.

If you haven’t bottomed yet but want to, get fucked by a vers. Strict tops dont know how to handle new hole.

I’m going to brush up on my Spanish and speak it near exclusively in public when I can just to upset racist and confuse ICE

Stop saying, “If that makes sense” after saying something that you know makes fucking sense. It undermines your position, just like putting, “lol” when you say something that you’re not playing about.

I avoid the masc4masc gays like the plague because even though I’m masc presenting, I don’t like a bitch playing with my options.

Show me your hole

It’s always disheartening when I’m getting to know someone and ask simple questions such as about their day and if they’ve eaten and they say they they’re not used to that. What do you mean you’re not used to someone caring??? Omg, let me hug you. Are you okay?

I thought that my incline bench press was ready for 185lbs… I was wrong. I got 3 reps in. Let’s try 170 🥲

I thought that my incline bench press was ready for 185lbs… I was wrong. I got 3 reps in. Let’s try 170 🥲

I was with one of the manscent gays. He lifted by balls, dug his face into my gooch, and took several deep and long inhales, ending every exhale with a “ahhhhh”. Like damn, mine must be hitting like Tom Ford

Good morning ft. My thighs