Diarrhea planet resuming and touring would fix me and the country if we’re being honest

Feb 15 at a bar, couple days later art museum, knew she was the one by then

Rick Santorum lol

The surrender cobra in the out-of-focus background in the last half-second is art

Don’t worry the Stanley cup hasn’t been to Canada in 35 years

I’m not on the bluesky map because no one new has been interested in following me in like 15 years lol

Not a betting man but it’s funny to have both the lions and packers on this list and not the bears

He should be more famous for violently raping his trainer’s daughter

Drake maye has turned it over twice in ten minutes of game time, it takes Caleb 6 games to do that

“The best scrambling quarterback in the league” gonna stop you right there Mike Tirico “numerically” oh okay whatever dude

Both of these quarterbacks have looked utterly mediocre

I’ve decided I hate drake maye so that was pretty sick

Gotta give credit to the Pokémon company who made a commercial with famous people talking about something normal. Liking Pokémon.

convicted rapists can get super bowl commercials

Mike Tyson is a violent rapist, Snoop Dogg is a homophobic piece of shit, get these motherfucking stains off my television forever

“We’re gonna put a satellite in space that sends horrendous internet to anywhere on the planet” yeah we sent guys to the fucking moon 60 years ago fuck off with this shit

during that ad, my kid said "is that the backstreet boys??" and i told her that it was. and she said "they're still alive?" yeah they are you little psycho

Caleb wouldn’t have missed that throw

Nicest guy in my grade school goes to his first Olympics at nearly 35 and crushes

From @TheAthletic: Ellie Kam and Danny O'Shea finished a pretty flawless performance in the pairs free skate at the Winter Olympics. Pairs has been the weakest link for Team USA and that may have been enough to put the gold on a platter for the Americans. nyti.ms/4qkInu5

My lily white 4 year old loses so, so much from deportations, which isn’t novel to say here but must be repeated ad nauseam anyway

Once again thinking about how Tony soprano handled a child predator

They’ve given it all on the klaebo bakken!

I lived in downtown Indianapolis for 9 of the last 13 years and people at work could not stop telling me I was living in the goddamn thunderdome. No! It’s a mildly boring city, with a very surprisingly good food scene! They do this for every urban metro somehow

Snoop Dogg on a children’s show on Netflix, would love for this homophobe to get out of my face forever.

Grittler on the Roof

When I was 12 my family’s house burned down, some of my classmates donated clothes and stuff to me. For some reason I specifically remember underwear from one kid. Anyway he’s in the Olympics this year in pairs figure skating

Simone biles is on my tv, I’ll never forget her dipshit backup nfl player husband loudly and confidently claiming he’d beat her in a rope climb and immediately getting fucking smoked like a cheap cigar

I am not in the Epstein files (would never leave “sent from my iPhone” in my email signature) but I hated Elon in 2013

YOU can’t DO that 👏,👏,👏👏👏 YOU can’t DO that 👏,👏,👏👏👏 Unless you’re already a professional and your victim is a cabbie Or you’re already a professional and your victim is a woman

Dril? The skeleton army general?

“We’re having old fashioneds with mezcal” is an S-tier Tim Robinson line

It’s absolutely bonkers that the bulls aren’t in on giannis

It’s not baffling at all, the league kowtows to the 5 players who are virulent homophobes instead of putting their money with their mouth is and punishing those players for being piece of shit humans

Girl you’re like a beer I’d like to drink you right up/ Pop your top off like charlie kirk

Yeah it would be so messed up if Paul McCartney played the Super Bowl, fucking limey scum couldn’t hold a candle to… Bruno mars?

They made a real bryden Brantley?

Both my kids have distinctly Irish names, if we had a third and it were a girl I would beg my wife to name her Aoife

Forgot to label Poo Poo Creek (I-65 between Indy and Chicago)

Saw a clip of bedard goal on Instagram, very carefully framed to leave out the scorebug showing it was 6-1 penguins until the very last second

He forgot to say get a bunch of your buddies together, fill a paper bag with dog shit, pour gasoline on their front door, then light the dog poo bag on fire on their doorstep

Mary and Joseph, wondering where their 12 year old son is, return to the Temple where ICE agents have taken the opportunity to apprehend the criminal illegal alien child

NYE in like 2011 or something, me and 8 friends crammed in a downtown Chicago hotel room after a girl talk show. I’ll never forget the random woman in the elevator slurring “let’s go to the room and do some vodkaaaaaaaaaa”

My personal opinion on bill belichik and cheating in competitive environments more generally: there is absolutely no shortage of highly competent, even world-class, replacements for these people in their respective fields, and cheaters should basically be blackballed from those environments

This man is French!!!! What do you expect his take to be???

Minnesota, you are Cold Iron

Please don’t whitewash Philly, they’ve also thrown batteries and snowballs at Santa

It cannot be shared widely enough that this man got blocked by Wizards of the Coast because he was so obsessed with their decision to ban a magic card called “cleanse” with art by an avowed white supremacist featuring a depiction of KKK hoods

They’re calling it Charlie kirking

Extremely common behavior among completely inexperienced and DEEPLY stupid marksmen