I’M A CELEBRITY … GET ME OUT OF HERE!

RIP CHRIS REA - HERE IS AN ALL-MARIMBA COVER I MADE OF DRIVING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, RELEASED EXACTLY 10 YEARS AGO TODAY mountpleasant.bandcamp.com/track/drivin...

I DID NOT LIKE WAKE UP DEAD MAN VERY MUCH. SMUG DIALOGUE, UNJUSTIFIABLE LENGTH, A PLOT THAT IS HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE. JOSH O’CONNOR WAS GREAT THOUGH

I WORKED IN A CINEMA IN MY TEENS AND THERE ARE NO GOOD MEMORIES. AWFUL PEOPLE, AWFUL FILMS, HELL JOB. I DON’T EVEN LIKE MOVIES

MY WIFE: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT PAULIE WALNUTS ME:

BACK ON THE COMMUNITY FB GROUP!

BRINGING THIS PICTURE IN TO THE BARBER TO SHOW HIM THE KIND OF LOOK I’M AFTER

STEREOLAB: WHAT A BAND

THE FUNNIEST PART OF THIS IS THAT IT WAS RECORDED USING ONE OF THE BIGGEST AND MOST ADVANCED SYNTHESISERS AVAILABLE AT THE TIME. UNPRECEDENTED TECHNOLOGY IN THE HANDS OF AN UNDENIABLE MELODIC GENIUS

SPOTIFY IS EVIL NO WRAPPED HERE - THESE ARE MY FAVOURITE ALBUMS OF 2025

THINGS LIKE THIS, THEY HACK ME OFF. HACK ME OFF BIG TIME! CHER CAN’T TURN BACK TIME AND THAT’S WHAT THE SONG IS ABOUT. THAT’S LIKE THE MAIN THING IN THE SONG. SOMETIMES I GET SO HACKED OFF I WANT TO PUNCH A HOLE INTO THE EARTH AND DRINK THE HOT MAGMA

i hope every single person who still buys harry potter merch or engages with that franchise is happy that they're literally making girl guides cry girl guides uk have been forced very much against their will to exclude trans girls. full statement is here: www.girlguiding.org.uk/information-...

THE ONLY BOOK I’VE EVER READ WHERE THE FOREWORD IS PRINTED ON ROLLING PAPERS

GOOD:

MY WIFE: WHERE IS ALL YOUR SCALP BLOOD ME:

I FIND IT IMPOSSIBLE TO GAUGE HOW EASY IT IS TO PEEL MOST FRUIT. THANKFULLY THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM FOR EASY PEELERS

I HAVE NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR THE BEACH BOYS BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT GOD ONLY KNOWS THAT ONE THING. SURELY GOD KNOWS OTHER THINGS

1 TAPE HISS COLLAGE 2 FIELD RECORDING OF FROGS 3 GUY WITH REAL PROBLEMS, A FOUR TRACK AND A GUITAR THAT HAS NEVER BEEN TUNED 4 A SINGLE NOTE PLAYED RHYTHMICALLY 5 PURE ELECTRICITY

I HAVE A SPARE TICKET TO SEE MY BLOODY VALENTINE IN GLASGOW ON THURSDAY NEXT WEEK. DOES ANYONE WANT IT OR NEED IT

THE SKY LOOKS LIKE A BACKLIT CANOPY … WITH HOLES PUNCHED IN IT …

IN MOST RESTAURANTS THE ONLY WAY TO ORDER PLAIN LETTUCE IS TO BUY A BURGER AND SUBTRACT ALL OF THE OTHER INGREDIENTS. AND TO ME, THIS IS A TRAVESTY

BOY I REALLY AM AN ODIOUS CREEP

OPENING SHOT: NEW JAMES BOND (PLAYED BY DONALD RUMSFELD) SMOKING A TINY CGI VERSION OF DANIEL CRAIG BOND LIKE A CIGARETTE. HE STUBS CRAIG BOND OUT IN AN ASHTRAY. CAMERA ZOOMS IN TO HIS CRUMPLED, HALF BURNT FACE. BOND THEME BLARES

WOW

CHOCOLATE AND GRAVY: SAME COLOUR, DIFFERENT TASTE. I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW WHY PEOPLE ACCEPT THIS

ENGLISH PLACE IDEAS: A CORN WALL A LIVER POOL A MAN’S FIELD

HORRIFYING TO KNOW THAT MY FLESH, IF PREPARED PROPERLY, WOULD BE FALL-OFF-THE-BONE TENDER

JOB IDEAS FOR FORMER PRINCE ANDREW: - GUY WHO GETS KILLED BEFORE THE OPENING CREDITS IN MIDSOMER MURDERS - PRINCE (MUSICIAN) IMPERSONATOR - PRINCE (TITLE) IMPERSONATOR - SLOB - CHIMNEY SWEEP - CELESTIAL BODY - GUY WHO THE EVENTS OF THE FILM EVENT HORIZON HAPPENS TO

AN INCREDIBLE QUOTE

AUTHORS ARE REDUNDANT. ONCE YOU KNOW ABOUT 500 WORDS YOU CAN JUST MAKE YOUR OWN STORIES

A poem of mine about a thing that happened (published by Anthropocene)

THE NEW TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM IS NOT A GOOD ONE. NOT LIKE AC/DC’S BACK IN BLACK

HE WAS BORN ROBERT MOOGABE BUT CHANGED HIS NAME TO AVOID CONFUSION

LAST NIGHT I DREAMED ABOUT A VERY FUNNY MEME. THIS IS MY BEST ATTEMPT AT RECREATING IT

I HAVE BLOCKED OUT FIVE HOURS IN MY BOSS’S OUTLOOK CALENDAR WITH THE SUBJECT LINE “VIOLENCE”

CHANGED MY NAME TO BIG GAVIN HATRED. ASKED A DEBUTANTE IF I COULD HAVE THIS DANCE AND SHE LAUGHED AND SAID THE DANCE HAVER HAS LOGGED ON. OBVIOUSLY YAHOO.COM IS TAKEN ALREADY BUT THERE IS A LOT OF POTENTIAL IN THE REMAINING AVAILABLE WEB DOMAINS

TK MAXX SHOULD SELL EXPIRED CIGARETTES

FIREFIGHTERS SHOULD USE THEIR FISTS AND NOT COWER BEHIND HOSES

IT IS BANDCMP FRIDAY AND I AM TIRED OF FLOGGING MY ALBUM FROM LAST YEAR ABOUT THE HOLY GRAIL. I AM WORKING ON A NEW ONE THAT WAS ORIGINALLY ABOUT THE MORNINGSIDE AREA IN EDINBURGH BUT NOW IT IS SORT OF ABOUT MORE THAN THAT. ALL OLD MUSIC IS AT lowlandsss.bandcamp.com. CHEERS

THE LIFESTYLE IS DYING AND THE DEATHSTYLE STRUGGLES TO BE BORN: NOW IS THE TIME OF ST ANGER

EVEN IF I BROUGHT YOU THE HORIZON (IMPOSSIBLE), WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN DO WITH IT. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

I’M THE GUY WHO’S BEEN PAINTING THOSE ROUNDABOUTS. IT’S ONLY THE ENGLISH FLAG BECAUSE THE SAUDI ARABIAN ONE IS TOO COMPLEX FOR SPRAY PAINT

LISTENING TO TOUCHÉ AMORE

I HAVE BEEN COLLECTING SMALL FRAGMENTS OF SENTENCES THAT I HEAR ON THE STREET FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS NOW. HERE IS A SMALL SAMPLE OF MY BIG STUPID LIST