As a lifetime creamy PB user, I just had some "extra crunchy" and I think I might be a convert

Woman to her young child in the bathroom: "You have to use soap." Child: "But I'm just gonna touch stuff and get my hands dirty again!"

Truly, what the fuck happened to Naomi Wolf. She used to be basically normal, right? Did she get brain worms too?

Forget "how far into the holiday season can you go without hearing 'Last Christmas,'" now we're doing "how far into the year can you make it before you feel the need to listen to The Mountain Goats' 'This Year'"

The problem with all of these frame-by-frame parsings of the various videos of Renee Good's murder is that it implies that there is some set of circumstances in which it would be OKAY to shoot the driver of a car in the face three times.

This is the only vegetarian dish that my parents actively ASK me to make for them

Mine are genuinely so unique that I would compromise my anonymity by describing them

Has anyone watched the new Kumail stand-up special, and if so can you tell me whether it's something I can watch with my parents

If you ever get pulled over by a cop with this haircut, you might as well resist because he’s definitely gonna say you resisted.

It's like if Juicero caused psychosis and could destroy the entire global economy

A great vowel shift diagram except it's the ethnicities that used to play other ethnicities pre-2000 Jews --> Italians --> Native Americans Fisher Stevens --> Indians --> Middle Easterners

Two blooms for a penny is actually a pretty good price for sweet red roses

"Instead of shitting directly into my mouth, MTG shat on a plate and then served it to me with a spoon. You have to give her credit for her table manners"

How do you write this headline and not think "huh, maybe I'm evil"?

I donate a fair amount of stuff to my local thrift store but I never see any of it out on the floor, which means that either my donations are so good they get snatched up right away, or they're so terrible that they're deposited straight into the trash.

I did it. I found the perfect "I barely know 'er!" joke.

That new Chris Pratt thriller looks fake for some reason. Like it's the movie that a character in a movie would make

The designer of this year's Walmart holiday collection really wanted to fuck a gingerbread lady

Free art idea: a Diamond Painting of goatse

I decided I needed to listen to "This Year" and Tidal automatically followed it up with "A Better Son/Daughter" which is indeed the exact right song to play next

Merry Christmas It's a Wonderful Life, Guy from It’s a Wonderful Life, Who Convinces Another Guy to Open the Gym Floor So Everyone Falls in the Pool www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/its...

Hell of a hairstyle on this guy

Why do cats always have to take the really good eats to a second location

I just flung a drop of raw duck juice directly into my eye, so the next few days will be an interesting experiment

Can't remember if my colleague of 8 years is named Brendan or Brandon, but I CAN remember that the Carmen Sandiego computer game was made by Broderbund

I was never gonna watch "Avatar 3" but this righteously angry review definitely has convinced me I cannot even enjoy it ironically filmfreakcentral.net/2025/12/avat...

In general, AI adoption levels are a measurement of to what extent a particular reward system (a corporation, a market, academia as a whole system) has ceased to distinguish between doing a thing and pretending to do a thing

One of many things Idiocracy got wrong is that stupid people aren't in charge; rather, evil people lie to the stupid people in order to become in charge

What's your "go to the fridge, another bottle of hoisin sauce" item? Mine is baby carrots

New middle age achievement unlocked: hurt my back while pooping

*scuttling across the floors of silent seas* man I should've been a guy who can't decide how to wear his pants

Courtesy of "Murder, She Wrote," this is a hell of a fit.

Why does "Silent Night" refer to the baby Jesus as "tender and mild" as though he is KFC's latest menu innovation

Supernatural fandom somehow

This is the exact lighting they use for the pic to accompany a profile of a professor who got suspended because he kept using slurs in class as a supposed intellectual provocation.

"Come to a head" is definitely the grossest metaphor we use in everyday speech

I have watched the new Knives Out movie and I enjoyed it. Somewhat distracted by a few not-ready-for-prime-time American accents. Though really they were setting Josh O'Connor up for failure making him say "perpetual" over and over

I don't understand why the correct answer doesn't fit in the NYTimes Sunday crossword. Must be some kind of gimmick @greatesttrek.com

I find it really interesting that men's opinions across age groups have converged, while women's age groups have remained just as spaced out. I wonder why.

I've been half-watching "Murder, She Wrote" for the past few weeks as I work, and there are two running themes that I really appreciate: 1. Jessica Fletcher's seemingly endless supply of nieces and nephews 2. The number of men who want to fuck Jessica Fletcher

Having $800M in your investment account vs $400M doesn't change your life at all, but having a labor market where your underlings are desperate to cling to jobs vs one where they can walk across the street and get a better offer makes a huge difference in the day to day reality of the very wealthy

Someone should make a "remembered to take my butt medicine" merit badge

At the beginning of "Islands in the Stream," Kenny Rogers sings "I set out to get you with a finetooth comb." In this paper I will argue that this song is a love duet between a man and a flea

Why does the NYTimes crossword always describe tacos as a "snack." Who is out here having tacos as a SNACK

An actual question: do y'all wash your ears?

I got a "premium" credit card and it's so stupidly heavy. As though it contains more money so it must have more mass. None of those flimsy plastic credit cards that... break in half all the time?

The only "purity test" I care about in politics is the one that circulated online in the late 90s. I need to know if Hakeem Jeffries has touched boobs over or under the shirt

Me: Say, what am I supposed to do with all these tiny cheeses? My cheese advent calendar:

Why are those articles about "performative males" always about men reading on the train and never about men wearing shorts and hoodies in 30-degree weather