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I've been told this one is not funny.

Ffs... Is this thing even on?

The summer smiles, The summer knows And unashamed She picks her nose

History books always omit that before Burr and Hamilton decided on pistols they tried resolving their differences with a tickle fight.

I haven’t seen the new Superman movie, but I feel dogs with super powers are extremely dangerous. Has the comic world addressed this?

Oh my… I’m feeling very sedatious.

I’ve been told my choice to not have a resource devouring child is selfish.

AI is good at imitating a jellyfish, but how well can it do a human?

Senator Murkowski's head appears to be sinking into her body. Must be trying to fill the space where her soul was.

This observation might be 47 years late, but the original art for the Kate Bush album The Kick Inside is way better than the alternative artwork. Guess they felt they needed a good looking woman on the cover in order to sell it. What a shame.

Large kiosk crashed at JFK. Decided to do a little “good trouble” and change it to the first “no kings” image I could find.

Over 50 years ago some doctor cut off part of my penis without my consent. Amazed they are still doing it to babies to this day.

It's so embarrassing to poop your pants in public.

Doing our part in Duval FL

I’ve been told some people think it's kind of a jerk move when I make a dude dig his own grave.

Man-babies: Fight!

In the mighty jungle the lion does NOT sleep tonight because lions DON'T LIVE IN THE JUNGLE. Where are we as a society when we can't trust the accuracy of old pop songs?

Guess no federal job for me because I want it on the record that trump can go fuck himself.

I sometimes wonder if some homeless people simply lost their phone and wallet and didn't have any numbers memorized, so they just didn't know what to do.

I’m pretty stupid, but unfortunately just short of being stupid enough to enjoy what’s going on in this country. My cousins in the other hand…

Beware this wild animal

My neighbor has on his truck the red white and blue Punisher skull sticker sporting trump hair next to his thin blue line sticker. I’m supposed to be friendly to my neighbor? Fuck him.

Ok billionaires… Fight! Preferably to the death.

Seems everywhere you go these days a ninja pops out of nowhere and wants to fight. It gets exhausting.

Does Hagrid ever walk that poor three headed dog? Where does it shit? I have questions.

I'd like to find a quiet place to live where the people are kind and the crime rate is low. Then I'd steal stuff.

I can't imagine anything more horrible than witnessing your child being devoured by rats. That's why I am giving a FULL refund to the family at my Airbnb.

Big yawn!

A quote from somebody on another social platform inspired me to create this.

Hey ladies, how long should a guy let his toenails grow out of the end of his shoe before it’s unattractive?

First chip was stale... Better try another in case it was a fluke. Second chip was stale... Better try another. Turns out none of these chips in the couch cushions were fresh!

Great minds think alike, unfortunately, and probably more often, so do stupid minds.

Anybody know if the 4-year old with cancer we deported had one of those "MS-13" tattoos on his knuckle?

Why did they make lead paint taste so good? Can’t eat just one chip.

Turns out that wonderful sleep I had last night was all just a dream.

Empathy doesn’t make me weak. Empathy makes me ready to kick the ass of entitled rich assholes who take advantage of the less fortunate.

It's the right thing to do.

Hey Disney, I have a million dollar idea. When the trump robot speaks in the Hall of Presidents, have it pause and shit its pants. It would be funny and historically accurate.

I believe I’ve finally perfected my old man smell. Look out, ladies!

Mr. Peanut may be classier than me, but at least I usually wear pants in public!

Her name is Miss FitzGeorge, but you can call her Kitty if you're close.

Wow, way to speak out Ken!

Open offices are great… said no software developer ever.