Your girl has been calling me "peanut butter" on account of me "pee"ing my "nut" when i see that "butt" of "her"s. Please make her stop.

I made your bitch go kookoo nana with my herbal tinctures.

Albedo is kind of like the opposite of libido. Something something Deleuze. Are you fucking happy now?

You should probably tell your partner that you'd kill yourself if they left. It's about honesty.

I'm not just the George Washington impersonator who gropes you. I'm the sensitive George Washington impersonator who gropes you. There's another one out there tearing up my reputation and I'd like to make it clear that's not me. I appreciate you booking me for your wedding though.

Jergens vs ky jelly reddit

Tamper with your electrical meter. Don't think. Just do it.

His cloaca's fucking huge

Hey my slime, just wanted to let you know you're on pace to use your free flushes for the month. You're one of my favorite tenants so I'm giving you a heads up before you start running into "Billable flush" territory. Please dap me up.

Hello my beautiful siblings. Apples of my eye. You are approaching ripe age of 30. Beautiful things coming. You must spread your wings and fly. Please get out of my house so I do not reach 30 resembling you. Thank you.

When I met my first squirter I was so star struck.

I want POWER and ESTRADIOL

I hear when celebrities go into hospice care all of the workers get to sodomize their bodies. #ThankYouHealthcareHeroes

The People's Holeslave

Not to be too earnest but I do think nonbinaries owe us a little androgyny

All men are brothers. All girls are sisters. Ergo, homosexuality is incest which is unfortunately proshipping. Pack it up homos

"trap queen", "trap king"? i'll be participating in no trap suzerainty. all are welcome at my horizontally structured trap commune.

Yes, I was the sex pervert known as the Cadbury Creamer, but just as surely as the seasons change so do my proclivities. Please, call me the Cadbury Dreamer.

Just putting out feelers for if anyone wants to go trappin next weekend. Let me know!

im just getting so pissed off about justin biener lately... i swear if he jumped off a building I'd be part of the 1% sitting in a lawn chair shouting "do a backflip"... oh you would too ... ? maybe you should share this ..

You'd think I was molested given the way I generally act

My second incel blackpill was when I saw that bitch pull the foot ball away from Charlie Brown. Prior to that I had just learned of the state of Israel, an event which had unceremoniously stolen the privilege of being my first incel blackpill from the former experience. I was 29.

I have to be honest, my 5 year anniversary with the LAPD is coming up and I'd be really grateful if all of this could be resolved soon so my celebration post isn't overshadowed by a concern troll's misdirected grievances.

Im autistic and My special interest is blowing up the toilet and not flushing.

I met a woman on the trail two years ago. She made it clear she wanted to dig around in my butt

when i first learned they were called the barenaked ladies i got so fucking horny i passed out.

fine shyt was showing her epidermis whorishly, and i was ready to match her freak

I need Sexual Rapping to restore my power meter. Interact with the Sexual Rapper to restore my power meter.

all my dreams die

The White Man's Cube

All respect to Houdini but it disgusts me what breeders will do to force their heterosexuality onto us. He easily could've kept the key in his mouth the whole time but he had to come up with some half-assed justification to kiss his wife.

My penis elicits a sense of nostalgia in most viewers. Would you like to see?

J Sakai never accounted for thugs

Ten Sexual Quotes That Will Make Your Partner's Clitoris Explode

Yoshi leaked nudes full

What are the classiest porn music videos? I'm sick of my coworkers labelling me a pervert when we're talking about our hobbies.

I thought Proudhon was tttt lingo for a while so imagine my surprise when Lenin weighs in on the whole thing

Yeah bro you look pregnant as fuck bro. Yeah it's probably all those multivites. B100, B12, C, D... B 4 Real though... Have you been thugging out without me?

No I exposed myself at the barcade solely to gain the trust of my gang stalkers. Have you heard of the phrase "humiliation ritual?" I'm going to blow this shit wide open. Meet me at Dave & Busters in an hour.

i made my good friend @kabook.bsky.social do the pony quiz and he got applejack please clap everypony

Can anyone explain the science behind making a couple bands by your lonesome?

My ideal partner is an ipad with a multipurpose hole

Yes, yes i may indulge in some, what you call, "radical masturbation"... ahem, garçon! have you any spare silk gloves?

Don't care + L + Ratio + I'm self harming because of you btw

Me and my friends were gonna watch Broke Ass Mountain later if you wanna join

The Fog Is Coming is a misnomer. The Fog has always been and only unfolds to Total. A more proper term would be The Fog Is Becoming

The guy who comes by and freezes my pipes is pretty nice actually. Finally ran into him and it seems like a nice stable gig

Daily Affirmations: Dry skin has No Known Cure

not my white ass achieving christ-consciousness ? SEND THE FUCKING POST

No yeah I'd probably just jack anything you put in front of me It's Alright