Better than a cybertruck

I got taken up by the rapture but they sent me back

So if I take the whole packet will I get good at maths

If my neighbours have been raptured am I allowed to take their stuff

What the heck? Why am I floating up into the sky? Where is that heavenly singing coming from?

What's your sign?

It's a special injection everyone has to get

Sounds pretty normal to me

Left-Wing Group Too Disorganized For FBI Agents To Infiltrate — theonion.com/left-wing-gr...

Remember, comedy is only legal on twitter

Oh, so when they do this it's OK but when I do it I'm "disturbing the passengers" and "supposed to be driving the train"

Smash two movies together: The Breakfast Fight Club

Still a better option for Finance minister than Willis

RFK Jr reported to be highly interested

The Island Bay cycle lane has a lot to answer for

Saw a guy almost get run over and started to say "That was tight" but changed my mind halfway through to "That was close" confused myself and ended up shouting "That was toast"

Dylan Roof trending, presumably he's been named as Kimmel's replacement

Oh, there were two guys named Charlie Kirk who both died on the same day, that must be it

Finally getting the flying cars we were promised

Han Solo's backstory was way different than I thought

If you see this, quote the energy you bring to Bluesky.

It's a disgrace how in 2025 we still call it 'Bird of the Year' and not 'Woman of the Year'

What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent seafood meal?

The 'cost of liberty' in action

As your common sense candidate I am opposed to spending on nice-to-haves, because I don't want this town to be nice

The chips are down

The Original Internet Cat Sensation. Jumping into the Big Box in the Sky. RIP.

Shouldn't it be called Carelot (not sure why he is so obsessed with taking photos of car parks btw)

A friend sent me this photo of the car park at Stonehenge, and I'm wondering how they knew to put in a car park thousands of years ago

I'd probably avoid terms like "give it a good crack" if I was trying to deal with a possible stress fracture

I am obviously far too mature to laugh at this but you might enjoy it

What were they arguing about

Donald Trump seeing the news

Why do people say someone "fell" pregnant, like they were just walking along and tripped onto a baby

Mum's been writing in I see

Did Trump die because Taylor Swift got engaged

At this point, if Trump did die, it would be more surprising if they didn't try to cover it up for as long as possible #WeekendAtDonnies

Hobson's Pledge with all their Māori friends. They're all just out of frame, agreeing we don't need Māori wards.

The rainbow crossing on Dixon street should play music when you walk on it

Ruin a book by adding Tom Clancy's to the title Tom Clancy's Nineteen Eighty-Four

Ruin a book by adding Tom Clancy's to the title Tom Clancy's The Handmaid's Tale

War, what is it good for? Arms industry profits

Government to increase supermarket competition by allowing Khajiit caravans to move from town to town

If you look closely at the original Cracker Barrel logo you can see the guy has MS-13 tattooed on his knuckles

BSA rejects complaint on grounds Seymour is in fact an arrogant prick

Did their usual guy run out or something