"Hi, I'm from the Disassociated Press and I cannot remember my question." —Matt 10:9:18

"Tonight's game brought to you by Swamps: lakes who couldn't commit." —Mark 4:3:18

“When I’m done with this show, all I do is go right into my car and have a nice weep.” —Mark 9:13:16

"The energy's taut here on the field, you could spin it with a tea fork." —Matt 11:7:17

"He's got a case of the Tuesday Nights." "I had one of those so bad..." "It lasted 'til Thursday morning?" —Mark and Matt, 6:5:18

"That's what living is all about. You go out there, you take every opportunity, you do your best, you wear a vest, you take a rest." —Mark 7:26:16

"Head on down to the Riverboat Damned, where every casino game gets you into Hell." —Mark 10:2:18

"I've been to eight funerals and a county fair, and I don't know what the hell's going on." — Matt 4:12:16

"I've got splinters where the good lord hindered me." ⁠—Matt 8:2:16

"There will be no monkeyshines, there will be no moon business." —Mark 5:10:16

"I got a cellar full of kids and an attic full of olds." —Matt 5:10:16

"I'd like to invite Weezer to go rub up a ditch." —Mark 6:5:18

"Whaddaya got, a Pacific Cooler, a Tropical Meltdown, Hawaiian Getter-Go-Guy?" "This is fruit punch, Matt." —Matt and Maria, 4:14:16

"They're a bunch of only children, and they deserve to take dark baths." —Matt 9:15:15

Just found out that all our old posts over on the shambling corpse of Twitter were deleted. A devastating loss. I'd like to take this opportunity to preserve here the fact that Matt only ever liked one post on that account, and it was this especially weird @markmcconville.bsky.social joke.

"The Beatles record that I like the most is Squirt City." —Mark, 4:10:18

"That's all about there is to do to say this tonight about it." —Matt 6:9:15

"We're basically local broadcasters, do you think our headshots will be up in strange little taco bars and reefer palaces?" —Matt 4:4:17

"We're all a bunch of hard soup." —Matt 10:8:19

"What's she building in there? Dire Straits." —Matt 5:26:15

"I was raised by two women, and I'm going to die by two women."  —Matt 11:23:16

“Tonight’s game brought to you by Carl’s Jr: the only hamburger with a dad.” —Mark 5:12:15

"Tonight's game brought to you by Lottery Barn: furniture made of dreams."  —Mark 6:13:17

"I think the coach here just went out and said 'Who's tall and can ball?'" "And where did he go out and say that?" "Just the mall." —Mark and Matt 4:4:17