Starting up some new salem witch trials but to sus out the lactose intolerants.

Oh your restaurant is inclusive? You let everyone in? What about people who are annoying, or worse, what if they’re bad?!

Pinin’ for a simpl’r time before mirrors were invented and if’n ya wanted to see yourself you had to catch a warbly glance in the surface of a bubblin’ brook.

The Great Gatsby

not nearly enough gays on here, doesn’t bode well.

The Art of the Seal

@poetickate.bsky.social greetings daughter of the long aisles. Thy handmaiden has informed me of your required accommodations. The council shall convene at midnight for a demonstration of your power.

Starting up some new salem witch trials but to sus out the lactose intolerants.

Fellas, is it gay to eat cereal out of the mouth of a live crocodile?

First date idea, we swallow ourselves whole like snakes

@parkermit.bsky.social Welcome pardn’r, tie up yer horses and shine up yer spurs, yer at yer journey’s end

My psychic keeps telling me the last thing I need are “followers”

Like too little lotion scraped over too little skin

“Part of this complete breakfast” (It’s just a couple dried noodles and the ants that found them)

Behind every good shitposter is the most repulsive living room you’ve ever smelled

Gettin’ myself real greasy before my lunch with the queen

the fbi doesn’t want you to know how slippery babies can get. They’re covering it up.

Lost another job because they didn’t like all my homemade perfumes and ointments and salves

First date idea, we defuse a bomb I planted

First date idea, we both clean out our voicemails

Bats don’t have nearly enough eyes

Working on a new guy. I’m told people like when they’re outrageously tall so I’ll try that this time.

Just saw a lady walking a dog that was easily twice her size. Like melt both of them down into two different vats of goo and you got a 2:1 dog-to-lady goo scenario going on.