“And how’s that socialist mayor doing for you?” I’ll often be asked by people outside of New York. Actually, pretty fucking great, thanks for asking. @mayor.nyc.gov

This useless whey-faced racist asshole is the world’s first trillionaire. Let that “sink in”.

My "Public Pool 1982" Mix open.spotify.com/playlist/2JF...

Finally, something good coming out of Washington DC www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAhm...

How about staying inside occasionally and reading a book about science or medicine?

Agreed. Not a single fucking thing funny about it. He’s awful and he’s going nowhere.

“I’ve never told anyone this before but your balls are simply fabulous.”

“RANDY does more to explain certain unexpected turns in this nation's political fate over the last couple of years than a bazillion think-pieces in the Times, Atlantic, New Yorker, MSNBC.” --John Colapinto, The New Yorker thesonarnetwork.com/stanland/

Was this asshole ever identified?

Good to see Jerry court side yesterday

“RANDY does more to explain certain unexpected turns in this nation's political fate over the last couple of years than a bazillion think-pieces in the Times, Atlantic, New Yorker, MSNBC.” --John Colapinto, The New Yorker thesonarnetwork.com/stanland/

Not sure which is worse to watch. The people courtside for the Knicks or the people courtside for the Lakers.

Enough with this. Who needs to work horses to their deaths? For what? www.fox5ny.com/news/carriag...

I’m from DC. Practically every fucking night during summer it thunderstorms. It’s really simple.

Been growing my Happy Trail all winter and spring. Your boy is ready!

Thanks for the lecture on values and "character", Republican www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/202...

Honestly, when the rabbi handed me the Torah, I thought he wanted me to sign it. Apologies!

Two brilliant comedic minds talking. You gotta listen. And fucking check out Programme 4, it's a work of genius.

Any influencers out there with around 400 followers who can help me "grow my brand"? Thanks!

Idea: the Savannah Bananas but for writing

Just don’t bother. Please. Go into another line of work.

I once used anal beads to cheat at checkers

RANDY! Jerry Stahl (Permanent Midnight): “Straight up genius.” podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s...

Had a dream last night where people were talking about how well my ass had aged

The Knicks will lose the championship and it will forever be known as the Trump curse

A real pleasure to live in a country that’s now ruled by the rich summer camp fucks in “Meatballs.”

Won't be at the Knicks game tonight at MSG but I will be at the Bullets game at the Cap Centre, upper row, eatin' nachos

It's summer time in Ocean City, Maryland, ladies! Ladies and Gentlemen: It Is Party Time at Club Seacrets! www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/lad...

Every Republican operative douchebag I knew back in DC. The worst. Can smell 'em a mile away.

David Mamet sucks.

The Highs, Lows, and Whoas of Me Not Watching the 2026 Tony Awards ...

Every NFL analyst reminds me of pretty much anyone who beat the shit out of me in high school.

Mother is at group and father is tending to his peacocks. I feel very alone.

Nothing ludicrous about it. What's ludicrous is your dear bloated leader. And anyone who follows him.

Enough with this deranged motherfucker. He's rabid. Take him out. nypost.com/2026/06/07/u...

Gen Z girlfriend sort of surprised that I can only make love to Paul Simon’s “The Capeman” album. Deal with it!

Every character I’ve ever created has been based in some part on what Chris Elliott did on late night with David Letterman. There is no bigger influence. I’m hoping that the character I just wrote for him for a new audio comedy for the Sonar Network will be a throwback to these lunatics. Out 2027.

Boy can I wait for the World Cup!!

A little too "on the nose"? You know, this headline?

Are people up in Maine this summer gonna give me shit about my full-chest Totenkopf tattoo or are they gonna be cool about it?

Between Red Lobster “Endless Shrimp” courses. How is everyone?

Watched the new documentary about the Michael Jackson criminal case on Netflix. I have to say, his interior decorating skills are not the best. Reminded me of a TGI Friday’s in any strip mall across America.

This awful fucking AI generated image is somehow just fucking perfect

Remember when fucking in a back booth at a TGI Friday's was something different and special?

Found at the Goodwill store in Lewiston, Maine. Love the notes. Not so sure the reader of this book understood its basic theme. “Beating breeds compassion”?

Why someone like this and not fucking Trump or his henchmen? www.nytimes.com/2026/06/04/w...

"All." Any time you see the word "all," you're clearly dealing with extremism. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...