Do you ever play a game with yourself where you try to predict what the comments are going to say before you read them and you’re always wrong

It feels like the more content there is to consume the more bored we become. Even after we find a new thing to watch we get sick of it so fast.

I wish Zelenskyy had just shown up in the same thing he wore last time

Hey friends! I did a TEDx talk and it's now up on the TED Conferences YouTube. It's possibly the best and most important talk I've ever done. I would ask that you watch it, and please SHARE it broadly and widely. Thank you! youtu.be/dVG8W-0p6vg #AI #Tech #TED

I feel like we’ve been about to be in a recession for the last 18 million years

I just found out that shares on truth social are called re-truths and I don’t think I’ll ever recover

I feel like I’d be good at writing silly fictional stories to go along with recipes in cookbooks

You know things are bad when this is who’s working for DoorDash now

I feel like every Hollywood studio has created a team of bots to go to their social media posts and comment “I am so sat”

I don’t recommend the Billy Joel doc unless you want River of Dreams stuck in your head forever

New dating headline: Take me to Fogo de Chão Brazilian Steakhouse bitch

TikTok is no longer funny and Instagram Reels are. I’m confused but I blame deliberate sabotage

Hey you left your sock at my place do you want me to bring it to you

Reddit > Substack

I need to have sex again before the shit really hits the fan. That didn’t come out right

I was on Fox News once 10 years ago so I guess this means I could be in charge of homeland security soon!

Why is no one talking about the fact that two of the greatest pop piano players both have names that both the first name and last name are first names? Makes me think they're both products of some time traveling or alien type phenomenon. Sorry I drank one beer

I can’t take three and a half more years of tariffs. I miss not thinking about global trade on a daily basis

Create your own tv show with the click of a button! Interface: *18 million buttons*

Trying to imagine what Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry talk about......... not because I'm jealous just because I'm really jealous

It's so clear who Zuckerberg is now. As a college dropout, he had a twisted, manipulative idea and turned it into a billion dollar business. Now he's just chasing things. He's become a gimmick artist. He actually has no good ideas left and he can't admit it to himself.

This will change lives apple.news/AJ-lEDCGgSxi...

There are no less than 1,998,087 parodies of Sydney Sweeney’s jeans ad now. I think we can move on

I’m in a fight with someone on Reddit and never felt more alive

Why is the news like newsing so hard like chill bro

I want to be my best self but I also want a cheeseburger.

Starting a support group for GenXers who are sad that gag went from meaning bad to good and want to change it back again

I'd love to see you next time either of us has any money, free time, energy, or interest in leaving our homes

It shouldn’t be brave to do press without makeup as a woman but it is and Pamela Anderson is my hero. I can’t even get on a zoom without foundation

My new favorite thing is to never leave the meeting.

Once you see ChatGPT voice, you can’t unsee it

There is honestly nothing worse than when someone writes something snarky to you and then puts a smiley face after it :)

My favorite thing about social media is that it can tell what you like and then show it to you so much that you start to fucking hate it

Just rewatched The English Patient with my partner*. Very hot. *dog

The operation was a success but the patient died

What kind of headline is “A ceasefire has been reached but fighting continues”

It seems like businesses have all upped their prices but the person writing the coupons is still living in 1942. Save 50 cents on my next order? 50 cents? Are you serious?

Hi, Sarah! Have you tried the THINGS ARE TERRIBLE BUT feed?

Starting to think scrolling is unhealthy

CBS cancels Colbert Unrelated: F.C.C. Approves Skydance’s $8 Billion Merger With Paramount

Really hate that this is what I’m currently looking into

I don’t know about you but I’m so glad the White House is clamping down on Woke AI

Gen Z is now using “the plane has hit the second tower” as a colloquialism? Never felt so old in my life

anyone wanna move to the woods with me

A B-52 Bomber vs. a Delta plane

Who knew Coldplay would have the song of the summer

Wait, is Carrie going to cheat on Aiden again? Because I feel like this time it wouldn’t be as funny

Right now I’m enjoying not knowing what a labubu is

I used to create a profile on a dating app to get some attention. Now I post a free home good on Facebook Marketplace. Same rush. Oh yeah, you want this, don't you? You want it so bad don't you. Look at you all BEGGING ME for it. Get on your knees bitchessss

I guess here’s me in 2073