You’re in his DMs I’m in my DMs they’re brand new my feet are on fire ow ow ow

Catch me at @camdenfringe.bsky.social alongside the very talented and hilarious James Murphy, in the last work-in-progress of our split bill 2 WEIRD Guys Who ARE Gay(!!!!) before we head up to Edinburgh!!!! 7:30pm Tue 29 Jul at the Canal Café Theatre ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ camdenfringe.com/events/two-w...

@CamdenFringe.bsky.social #Interview: Two WEIRD Guys Who ARE Gay(!!!!) "As the title hints we are very much drawing on our own common features - being a pair of unusual homosexuals." 29 July at Canal Cafe @dickdenham.bsky.social #theatre #theatresky everything-theatre.co.uk/2025/07/inte...

Two Weird Guys Who Are Gay (Work In Progress) @dickdenham.bsky.social 29 July at Canal Cafe. Two Weird Guys Who Are Gay Talk About Being Weird and Gay camdenfringe.com/events/alex-...

Two Weird Guys Who Are Gay (Work In Progress) @dickdenham.bsky.social James Murphy Two weird guys who are gay talk about being weird and gay 29 August at the Canal Cafe camdenfringe.com/events/two-w...

If you LOVE and/or CAN’T GET ENOUGH of queer, surreal, stand-up comedy and live in or in the VICINITY of London, why not get a ticket for my upcoming split-bill work-in-progress with James Murphy on the 27 Jan at The Divine in Dalston? Only a few Early Birds left!!! www.outsavvy.com/event/24194/...

Me sending an email to my lost pet sea snail: I hope this email finds you whelk.

I don’t know about you, but I always find this time of year a bit anticlimactic, particularly when I don’t win Sports Personality of the Year.

In Croydon bby we catch trams not feelings xx 💁🏻‍♂️ 💅🏻

Omg just figured out what Whistle by Flo Rida is about 🫣😈😉 Exposing corporate malpractice through whistleblowing.

I’m allergic to a specific kind of Swiss cheese. I’ve got Emmental health problem.

Hieronymus Bosch was so ahead of his time. Centuries before Dalí and Magritte came along, he was out there making washing machines.

I don’t get the hype with infinity pools. Who wants to swim forever?

Yeah I mean I’ve had 10 million+ views. IRL. Pretty sure that many ppl have perceived me at some point or other.

Happy cyber Monday! I hope you all have a nice cybersex xx

I’m a big fan of ryvita

Oh wow I had no idea that tomatoes are classified as fruit because they’re gay

So… do animals find *us* funny?

Peekaboo - the original pull back (of the hands) and reveal (of the face)

Omg is it Black Friday this Friday? It would’ve been nice to have gotten an email about it

As I’ve always said, better to sprain your ankle than pain your uncle.

🎼 If you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s in his piss (that’s where it is) 🎶

I am obsessed, dependent. They control me, deprive me of sleep. I devote all my time and energy to them: Netflix documentaries about cults.

A lowly pigeon could reach the highest office by staging a coo.

Nothing beats the all eyes-on-me-I’m-a-real-important-piece-of-shit feeling than when you order from the grill in an Indian restaurant and they bring a sizzling plate right out to your table 😎 😎 😎

I worry about what Grindr does to gay guys’ self-esteem. There is one guy near me and his username is “I suck”. Heart-breaking ☹️💔

Careful gworl, that boi’s as much trouble as a Shampoo greatest hits compilation

Anonymous silhouette in documentary: I never would’ve whistleblown, if I’d known I wouldn’t get any actual whistle.

I don’t wanna be cremated because when I die I wanna enter my skeleton era and just be a goofy bony guy

Yeah well maybe if people did a bit more live laugh LEARNING we wouldn’t be in this mess hmmm???

Wouldn’t it be weird if humans became extinct and elephants went on to develop civilisation? - SAID THE ACTRESS TO THE BISHOP!!!!!?!!

Maybe if everyone who’s got a dangerous doggie swapped it for five gorji lil guinea piggie-wiggies would that be an acceptable solution for everyone????

I’m looking for a man who can look past the surface level and see the real me inside. So ideally a radiographer.

A part of me does want to achieve mainstream success as a comedian but then another part of me thinks there is something intrinsically quite funny about being a bitter and ageing also-ran never-was.

Listen up motorists of London, now ULEZ has been expanded, when you stop for me at a zebra crossing I will NO LONGER do a silly little run across the road, with a deferential wave and a close-lipped smile. I will now only saunter, maybe just amble, even.

Back at Bannerman’s Bar (venue 357) performing my stand-up comedy show Big Dick Energy, where I’ll be every afternoon at 4pm til Friday. If you’re at #edfringe come on down!

If you’re at #edfringe come check out my show Big Dick Energy, today at 2pm at The Canons’ Gait I talk about all the big issues other comics are too scared to take on: Holland & Barrett, the People’s Postcode Lottery, you name it bby I take ‘em all on. Prepare to have your icons truly clasted xx

Wow! Palaeontologists have discovered that dinosaurs didn’t die of asteroid, they actually died of cringe.

After a really fun run at #CamdenFringe next week I’ll take my debut show Big Dick Energy to #edfringe as part of the PBH Free Fringe 4pm 21 23 24 25 27 Aug Bannerman’s Bar 2pm 22 Aug The Canons’ Gait If you’re in E’burgh and a fan of queer comedy that lampoons British culture, come on thru!