I’m really only happy when I’m with my friends, so moving away from every single one of them was certainly a choice.

All I really want is a Zelda/Animal Crossing/Pokemon crossover game where Link has to 1) catch ‘em all, so he can 2) bring them back to his little village, and 3) save the kingdom. Why is this so hard?

Why is a runny yolk the best thing in the world, but a runny egg white is the worst thing you could ever experience?

You can tell how much a product is being marketed to Millennials based on the number of cast members from The Office they put in the commercials.

I’m thinking of making a gigantic rainbow blanket. #crochet 🧶

This standing shoulder press has become my new favorite shoulder exercise. Unfortunately, there is no good place to set up my phone, so you’re forced to get this toddler’s eye view of whatever I’m doing.

And I lumber.

It bothers me that I have 20 years of bartending experience in my brain but am not currently bartending anywhere.

Don’t skip Pants Day.

I actually did have “Donald Trump gave Bill Clinton a blowjob on Epstein Island” on my 2025 Bingo card. I’m very good at Bingo.

I’m really upset by everything I’ve learned today.

I would be more inclined to use the stair stepper machine if it was taller/had more stairs. I always feel like I’m trying to outrun a collapsing road before I fall to my doom.

I didn’t miss it. I just refrained from posting about it because I have nothing nice to say.

I’m in the mood to blow some money.

I got 2 lbs of ground beef, and I don’t know what to do with it.

I am a size.

When you fill up on spaghetti before heading to the gym.

I can smell Burger King on the wind.

🤨

I’ve decided to become more impressive.

Me: “They’re making a new Mummy movie. Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weiss are both coming back for it.” Dad: “I thought Brendan Fraser was a whale now.”

Casino Royale a reboot. Or was I meant to believe that Daniel Craig was a continuation of Pierce Bronson? (Because never once did that cross my mind). Daniel Craig told a complete story from beginning to end. You want more Bond? Start a new story. This isn’t hard.

Just saw an old coworker claim that the Northern Lights were faked this week in order to distract us from the Epstein Files, in case you’re wondering how things are going over on Facebook.

What ever happened with the vampire billionaire who was stealing his son’s blood? Feels like it’s been a while since we heard about any of his shenanigans.

While I do have some specific projects that I’m working on, once they’re finished, my goal for 2026 is to use up a lot of this random yarn making a giant scrap blanket and one million beanies.

This is such a bad move.

I hate when a person is bad at posting.

I’ll crochet you one for half that price.

Some people are lactose intolerant because their bodies don’t produce enough of the enzyme lactase. My body, I assume, produces too much lactase, which is why I need to drink at least half a gallon of milk every day or else I’ll die. I literally get headaches if I go too long without dairy. 😅

I have pushed through the initial hair growing phase where I desperately want to clipper the sides and back. That’s the hardest part for me.

One time I played a slot machine and won $800 on a $1 bet. That was cool, and I think it’s mean that it doesn’t happen all the time.

Hulu has Law & Order: SVU listed under “binge-able TV.” There are 26 SEASONS.

Made goop.

We need a pop punk cover of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

Can’t wait to bleed out later.

Snow.

I bet SCOTUS would have heard the case if somebody else had brought it up, but Kim Davis is a such an insufferable cunt they didn’t want to deal with her bullshit.

Little victories.

“Not all who wander are lost” okay, but some of them definitely are, and they should stop and ask for directions.

Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage

October: “The worst performing month at the box office in 28 years.” November: “The new Predator movie made more money in its opening weekend than any other Predator movie before it.” Do you hear that, Hollywood? THE PEOPLE YEARN FOR PREDATOR.

I miss being alive.

All I do is pee and have insomnia.

I don’t care if they’re scientifically accurate. Ever since Interstellar, all TV and movie blackholes all look the same. Show a little creativity, people.

I’m over you.

Over my giant dead body.

Grown men who wear tighty whiteys, was that a conscious decision, or did you just never experiment with other types of underpants?

Even more reason not to go.

Tis the season for my tire pressure light to come on.

Getting caught up with my Marvel movies (Thunderbolts and Fantastic Four), and dammit, they were actually pretty good, and now I’m excited for Avengers: Doomsday. I was getting so burnt out on the MCU. Turns out I just needed movies that didn’t suck.