Recently Wendy’s replaced all of their dipping sauces. They no longer carry Sweet and Sour sauce. I will no longer be going to Wendy’s.

They should make a prequel to “28 Days Later” called “28 Days Earlier” where everything is fine.

What the fuck do you mean that “I contain multitudes” is originally from a Walt Whitman poem published in 1855?!

America may have its problems, but this cloudy sunset over an abandoned Walmart is not one of them.

lol no we won’t.

Since moving back in with my parents over the summer, I have effectively taken over their kitchen, and now every time my dad goes grocery shopping he brings home more and more meat so that I will cook dinner for him. I’m fine with this arrangement.

Started rewatching Stranger Things from the beginning, and the shift in tone as the show went on is so funny. You could never have Erica, Derek, or even Murray in Season 1 without completely throwing off the vibe.

I really wish content creators would resist the urge to make funny little skits the instant something terrible happens in the news.

First supermoon of the year, and it’s hiding behind the clouds.

I don’t even know who this person is, but this is how they greeted me, and there was absolutely zero follow up.

We had a good run

How fat do you think Sonic the Hedgehog would be if he didn’t do all that cardio?

First supermoon of the year, and it’s hiding behind the clouds.

Okay, 2026, let’s do the thing.

The main thing I like about Stranger Things is that wormholes are made out of flesh.

Bluesky, choose my next book! I’m trying to finally go through all the stuff that’s been sitting on my shelf.

Thinking about being happy this year. It would be a nice change.

I did appreciate this little touch behind the concession stand.

Re-upping this for 2026.

A Stranger Things video game would be kinda awesome ngl. 3rd person, running around, exploring other dimensions, acquiring powers, fighting demogorgons… I’d play the shit out of that.

Okay, fine, Stranger Things was awesome. I will not be entertaining any haters at this time.

At 9am. We’re going at 9am. 🙃

Happy new year. Floss your teeth.

49 minutes to spare.

98 Degrees is probably the funniest boy band because who even was this guy?

Various New Year’s circa 2005-2025 I contain multitudes.

You don’t have to reflect on your year if you don’t want to. Tomorrow can just be another day.

We should all start the year with some brand new underpants.

The general consensus among my people is that next year is 2016, and that is exactly how I plan to live.

A burrito saved my life today.

When you arrive before everyone and have to start drinking alone. 😔

Heading into the city today to get drunk in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon. ☺️

I’m not impressive enough. I need a new talent that I can show off.

Attempting to be big.

This seems illegal.

I need to discover some new bands in 2026. Or I need all the bands I already like to come out with new albums. Yeah, that one is way better.

I really need these college kids to go back to school. They are ruining the gym.

Billionaires should not exist, but also, what took her so long?

You’re actually allowed to do stuff the week between Christmas and New Years. You don’t have to treat it like a weird void where nothing gets accomplished.

Floss your teeth, dingus.

Why would I say that

This is objectively one of the funniest things anyone has ever messaged me.

Some kind of man.

They set up a new powerlifting room, but all the weights are in kilograms, so I have to do extra gym math. I also haven’t benched since September because my joints were on fire. Really trying to be injury-free in 2026.

Yeah, no, I think I’m gonna one of those assholes who watches the Stranger Things finale at the movie theater.

Who doesn’t love a humid, muggy Christmas?

They call it the yule log because yule log onto bluesky dot com to wish everyone a merry Christmas

It’s. So. Cute. #crochet 🧶

Passing my Christmas stocking around like it’s a church collection plate. Feel free to stuff it full of cash.

I fear I’m in my “cute shit” era. #crochet 🧶