i feel the same way about spiders as republican parents feel about gay people. i appreciate your contributions to this world but stay the FUCK away from me. disgusting.

theyve invented a new computer. theyre calling it God

egg nog in a can

13 year old: i wish i had a homeless person accent me: wtf does that mean 13 year old: i’m not quite sure but i would like to find out

my favorite eeveelution is singaporeon

well ya know what they say. god gave you three throats for a reason

woke reagan

i hope i can keep losing weight without medical assistance discovered today that a bunch of old shirts that have been rotting in my closet once again fit me. this rocks

who is Papa Squat

guy just walked up to me at work holding something that was very much so not a pizza and said “are these the only pizzas you got”

twice #balisong

hungry baby keem be like: when you come see the stir you better fry, ho

do any of yall ever randomly remember something that pisses u off so bad that it ruins ur day

do you think the entities in area 51 are enjoying a nice break from testing and tormenting during the shutdown

extra credit on a polygraph test

if ya fart what i’m sniffin, yknow?

you know what they say. same shit different butt

schizofennec

danny phantom pain

going to a late halloween costume party in a suspiciously high quality straitjacket and muzzle and convincing everyone that it’s just a costume and nothing else

i wanna give a tweaker an ipad with chatgpt and a notebook and make them journal daily

i’m convinced that ppl just don’t have tastebuds coworker gave me this, glazing it hardcore. this is the nastiest fuckin thing i’ve ever put on my tongue it tastes like a raisin boiled in cranberry sauce and marmite. what the fuck do u mean “chocolate chip brownie”

transfers with the DE kraken :3 posting this a day early over here lol #balisong #butterflyknife

strict peanut diet. blasting anaphylactic ropes

got a DE (double edged) balisong finally :3 #balisong #butterflyknife

no one ever comes out of the bathroom disheveled with a strip of toilet paper stuck to their shoe anymore. what happened

i think we should bring back extinct foods from the 19th century mystery pastes and crushed up Stuff probably hits different

call me dave the way my bag be biggie

bubblegum is a skilltoy

won a knife from a bali competition :3 #balisong

just heard a kid call a song from 2021 “soooo nostalgic” man tf do u mean that was like…. yesterday

it’s been How long? and my bluesky discover tab is still unusable it’s still all niche fetish porn that i strongly dislike and then random posts that i genuinely could not care a morsel less about like great. sarah11823.bsky’s favorite k-pop idol’s horse got a new saddle. this is not for my eyes

extreme blade show west fomo #balisong

fell asleep watching youtube last night and woke up to a few screenshots. what the hell was i watching

being corny and retweeting

either one of my coworkers is shedding like a dog in spring or they felt the need to shave their genitals on the toilet and not flush

squirrel #balisong

catching up!

i think my dream in life is to get a “come to brazil we love u” comment unironically

i’m actually the second coming of L Ron Hubbard

coworker threw a 3 pointer into the trash can and exclaimed, “bowling!”

“e-s-g-a-e-s eagles!” -my coworker

your cup is giving…. runneth over

*to the tune of Disturbia by Rihanna* transphobia