Calling my shot on this one. #voiceover #IYKYK

I didn’t realize missing bedtime was an obstacle to overcome.

I mean with such a personalized outreach, how can I possibly say no?

“I’m not trying to criticize him, but there’s student driver, and this guy was like a…”

Last I checked, burning is painful.

Oh this last name of mine…

Let me think about this one…

Rockstar should probably just not announce a date until the date. #GTAVI

(Uncle Dan and Niece play their own version of Rock Paper Scissors where they make up whatever they want. Uncle Dan: Shark Niece: Straw. I win. Uncle Dan: Why do you win?? Niece: Pollution. My niece is five years old.

C'mon phish-bot, don't beat yourself up like that.

“Sir, this is an Apple Vacations kiosk.”

Meeting your comedic hero in your own hometown is pretty damn cool. @pattonoswalt.bsky.social

Narrator: The food item in question was, in fact, chicken.

Watching Episode 9 of Change or Die like…

I'd rather select crosswalks.

This feels condescending.

So hear me out...

75-game Wordle streak is over...

Not digging Apple’s new “I Judge The Way You Sleep” feature…

Introduce yourself using only one food you refuse to eat, once movie you'll never watch again, and one song you can't stand: - I know it’s a condiment, but mayonnaise is the most disgusting stuff on earth - Batman vs. Superman. Crushed my comic geek soul. - Rock the Casbah

Pfft. “New?”

Don’t you dare judge me.

It's a trap!

Are Peabo Bryson fans called Peabodies?

This season's Peacemaker, man...

Did all the voiceover scammers get together and agree upon The Ashwood Curse as the project-of-choice? Is there a convention every year? Asking for a friend.

I’m stuck on what to write after “Dear Mr. Last Name.” Or is that too formal? Just go with “Hi First Name?” I don’t want to blow this opportunity to work with Heidrick and Struggles!

My wife and I are voice texting 90s lyrics to each other… …which has led to, unequivocally, the greatest Siri interpretation of all time.

I missed the part where I asked for your opinion, Creepy AI Meeting Bot.

Me, managing to avoid all Peacemaker spoilers for almost 48 hours...

Grubhub is great if you like missing food with every order.

Baby Steps might be the most lovey/hatey game I've played in my entire life.

That whole rapture thing I heard so much about...

They'll probably blame the rapture on Tylenol too.

I hope Jimmy Kimmel gets Super Bowl-level ratings tomorrow night.

Anything for Lunch (But I Won’t Chew That)

Wait what?

Anyone else randomly have the DuckTales theme stuck in their head?

Standard Ring notification: Oh it’s just the lawn guys. AI summary Ring notification: I’m about to get shanked.

Knockoff apps bring me endless joy.

This is the part where I sheepishly admit that I thought Robert Redford died a long time ago.

According to my iPhone, the new iOS update will take anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 days to install.

#Borderlands4 is just such crazy stupid fun.

But...I don't want skincare products that contain eczema.

Well that’s awkward.

Lawnmowers, leaf blowers, and tree removal -- the voice actor's trifecta of terror.

Every time.

I need an extra therapy appointment just from reading this headline.

*mumbles* Well YOU have several password issues.

Ok CNN, bravo on the peak picture selection...