gf said "let me go through your playlist and delete every song that makes you sad", jokes on her, all music makes me sad. happy hopeful things are just a reminder of what i am unable to do.

I'm sitting here, in the nothing ever happens land, my body slowly engulfed by quicksand, soon it will get down my throat.

CEOs Never Cum

wowaka - rolling girl 🫀 #wowaka #sekai #miku #fanart #art #n25 #pjsekai #vocaloid

pigeon

i need to pet a bird.

meowy yaoimas to all the ukes!! semes... go eat coal or something

Bitey

my taste in characters is about as good as my taste in food

i forgot i had this acc until my job bored me too much again

🫀 #oc #art #drawing #digitalart #ocart #myocs #mentalillness

12月12日は岩峰先生の誕生日でした。Happy (belated) Birthday!🎉 #Hatoful

i have a sore throat and i hope thus the world explodes really soon

You hear "Clair de lune" once, you hear it everywhere. Dare I say... overplayed?

tbh. sometimes i wonder. is she worth survivor's guilt. was she. that's horrible of me to say about someone who was the only person to hold my hand since i was born. but i also wonder. is this my life? or is it hers? just because i devoted my life to her and her desires and her memory.

the toxicity of our city...

Frankenstein by Rina Sawayama fucks TOO hard.

i need to bring a book to work because the internet is shit and i am gonna die.

considering im gonna be poor for christmas, i should probably think about making some handmade gifts. but i am only confident about jewelry, pouches and small clothes alterations with my energy level these days... i guess everyone is getting a bracelet and a coin purse or whatever.

They're practicing calligraphy! 🐦‍⬛🪶

i still think that same with Art, my main issue is "I wish that I could give it up I wish that I could change enough I wish that I was strong enough to be yours"

i love conspiracy theories with meat on the bones. like aquino or wtc building 7 or havana syndrome. you will not stop me from poking my nose into shit and if i mention conspiracies and you say "oh, like flat earth?", i will respect you less or start a two hour lecture (at least) on psy-ops.

god i want to forget ever reading or watching waiting for godot and do this... i need someone to invent a pill that erases very specific memories.

i need that man to **** ** ** *** ***** ** * **** *** *** ***** *****

полюби меня за то, что я такой, как ты

it's kinda ironic i became so boring and i hate it, but i became so boring because i got older, got help and quit drugs, so that's actually a good thing?

i think i lost like 3 kilos since september started and i hate this.

the reason "bastard" is tattooed on me is that "i'm the illegitimate son of god", as in nameless is not really av's kid.

i think part of why i am miserable again is that i lost like 3 kilos again. but eating is incredibly hard when i feel distraught, so it's a vicious cycle.

my gender is actually real men by mitski lyrics WITHOUT the chorus.

my definition of "embarrassing" shifted so harshly and violently, but i guess an idealist in this world is up for some harsh realizations.

"a bastard angel will take me away from the fat tummy of God he will be the precise sniper that will center my weak chest a bastard angel will lick my wound while your hand will leave me while your hand will leave me bleeding on the floor"

i started listening to manic street preachers several years ago, but these days i feel like if i don't listen (and yell along, even if mentally) to of walking abortion for a single day, i will implode. WHO'S RESPONSIBLE? YOU FUCKING ARE!

and what if i snapped again. what if. i haven't fully snapped in like 6,5 years. i deserve a little psychosis as a treat. (i'm so tired and sad and angry The Thoughts of killing myself are back)

"to share the fruit of my knowledge while completely malnourished"

i turned to listening to Shadow's playlist and i sorely missed that anger and spite. "you're beautiful and sick like me", indeed.

Bluegreen is the best cuz it’s the color of the iridescent plumage of Nicobar pigeons.

women want me, fish also want me, so suddenly i go from "wow, resting for entire 4 days straight" to "why do i have a social event for 2 out if those already"

да кто бы мог подумать

having a father in tech just makes you listen to rat by penelope scott on loop eventually. i thought you were a different type of person, but you're just a paranoid schizophrenic with unmanaged trauma who hates people. who loves machines more than people, i guess, is more correct.

Finished the beading >:]

i feel like it has been playing in my head for weeks.

maybe one day i will stop being a disappointment myself. but i don't think i ever will. it's just. my nature, i guess. maybe. maybe i just shouldn't have ever expected anything. out of both the world and myself, really. i hope i can stop hoping forever. and soon.

i feel like disappointment is the general mood forever and ever.

I'm still proud for this drawing even tho im not so good in traditional art(hate it) but I decided to post it and also cosplayed the girl this month so 😁👍 🫀 #fearandhunger #f&h #funger #thegirl #girlfearandhunger #traditionalart #fanart #drawing

i must be getting real anemic around here. blood. in my mouth. now.

Saving my last cute Japanese stationary sticker for a special occasion, like a marriage proposal or funeral announcement

idea of "go to a doctor" is unhelpful. because 90% of what i can say will land me an involuntary indefinite hospitalisation. even the 10% are at risk, as i found out fairly recently. i'm just... not something they can handle. and i am tired of being a lab rat. i don't want to feel it ever again.

i don't think this is true dissociative identity disorder. i also do not think this is true hallucinatory voices. all i can think of is. symbiosis. parasitosis. symbiont by celldweller. all i can think of is endoparasitic homoparasitic relationships. being eaten alive by one of your own.

WE ALL SURRENDER TO THOSE WE SERVE WE GET THE WORLD WE ALL DESERVE