This should go in the Metropolitan Police starter pack.

An easy mistake.

The Great Train Robbers got 30 year sentences.

America has discovered the electric kettle. Can’t wait for the launch of iBrew.

Why aren’t people that design packaging in jail?

Don’t bother going to B&M for any gardening items. I went for grass seed but was told it’s all been put away now “because of Christmas”. Actual religious freaks.

Best Photo EVER!

Do you want another Shakespeare fact? Well, you’re getting one. He made the first recorded use of 2,035 words including lonely, horrid, assassination, critical, dwindle, frugal, zany and countless others, including countless.

I’m reading a book about the many ways that Shakespeare shaped our language. He created 314 new words simply by attaching un- prefixes to them. These include ones we take for granted such as untie, unlock, unveil and unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Robert Redford dead. His body of work as an actor is fantastic. My favourites, in no particular order - All The President’s Men, The Sting, Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid, The Candidate, Three Days of The Condor. An A+ lister.

People that are all “I’m all no nonsense, me. I call a spade a spade…” get annoyed when you tell them they’ve put on weight. Double standards/chins.

The return of Best Photo EVER!

America has turned into a country seemingly bereft of decency. Reform supporters - We need that sort of society over here.

Big sigh. Watch this. Can you see why the Yankees’ moment of silence, the lowered flags, the promise of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, feel like a gut punch to the very people he spent years targeting? No one wished death on this man, but what we’re seeing right now is too f*cking much.

The Duchess of Kent hasn’t ’passed away’. She has died. She’s dead. Thank you for indulging me.

A bloke tried painting a red cross on a mini roundabout near us but dropped the paint. Cars drove over it and now it looks like there’s been an autopsy.

Will everyone else be glad when this flags fad is over?

August at B&M. Bastards.

We’re in the Cotswolds. The Internet hasn’t reached here, yet. Shops take Apple Pay, but only after you’ve held up the queue (tuts/hurumphs/bloody tourists) logging on to their WiFi. Lovely area, though.

I’m struggling to figure out the connection.

It’s already autumn at B&M.

I can’t decide whether not starting Chloe Kelly is ridiculous or genius.

Fabulous. Nothing better than a comeback win against bad losers. #Lionesses

Hair straightener.

But here’s the one that’s driving me berserk..

An Amazon tale. I wanted a retractable, wall-mounted hose reel. I chose the one I wanted @ £137 on Amazon. Before ordering I checked on Temu. The EXACT SAME ITEM was £57. With ‘first order discount’ and voucher it cost me SIX ENGLISH POUNDS inc shipping. Ordered Wednesday and recd this morning. 💦

Torrential rain they said.☔️ Flooding they said.🌊 Power cuts they said.🔦 I’ve just mowed the lawn. 🌤️

PRACTICE PENALTIES. #SWEENG

At the next General Election teenagers will be eligible to not bother voting from an even younger age. 🗳️

Those using TikTok are sharing all this with China. Good luck, kids.

I’ve scrolled through posts about who we shouldn’t watch at Glastonbury because of people’s political opinions (Kneecap, Neil Young, Rod Stewart etc). It’s a little bit Thought Police, tbqhwy. Let it be.

Increased taxation of the mega-rich to fund public services is not even on the agenda and I find that utterly bewildering. Or is that just me?

I still miss panic-buying so I’ve told three people that all the shops are running out of onions.

Mrs Brown’s Boys

We’re in Liverpool for tomorrow night’s Springsteen concert at Anfield. I’m in a pub near The Cavern with this sign in the gents.

If someone had told me at the start of the season that #LCFC would finish just below Spurs, who’d qualified for the Champions League, I would have happily taken that, and if I had I would now be feeling distinctly misled.

I’ve noticed increasing nastiness on here, of late. Go back to X, if being nasty is your thing, and leave the rest of us in peace.

I just found this Siemens C35 in the garage. From 2000. Only weighs 110 grams, just 20 contact numbers and no camera. Perfect.

5.5m British Citizens are living abroad, it's estimated that more than 95% of them cannot speak any language other than English. More than 50% of them are living in non-English speaking countries If our measures were put on us, 3 million British immigrants would be coming home

Israel’s government is insane. They disgust me. Why are we not taking action to stop them?

Brits that emigrate abroad and then call themselves ‘expats’ (eg my sister) are ridiculous. It’s from the Latin word expatria - “ex” (out of) and “patria” (fatherland). They are immigrants.

My Mum and Dad died with dementia. It’s was 10 years of utter torture for me. I have nothing but respect for the wonderful dementia care workers that looked after them until they died. Not one of them was British. Aren’t they the sort of people that enrich us?

Well, that proper pissed off the Notts Forest fans. Lovely stuff.

Quite the payoff

Now they’ve closed our store in town M&S want us to shop in-store because of their cyber attacker. Ironic. Try listening to customers.

*puts summer clothes away

It’s the annual date when Star Wars juveniles reveal themselves.

Farmers voted Brexit. Now they don’t get EU subsidies and have lost their biggest market they want us to vote for the crook behind Brexit. They sell to supermarkets at cost price then moan that they don’t make a profit. They’ve gridlocked the town. Arrest them like climate activists. Pay your taxes.

YouTube. An interviewer asked two female US students how long it takes to drive 80 miles at 80 miles per hour. Student 1 - 1.5 hours? (unsure) Student 2 - 2 hours! (certain) This is how dictators get elected.