When’s St Patrick’s day?

New influencer shop in town.

It’s all about oil. ✈️💥

On the other place I used to recommend Southland, like I did with Breaking Bad, The Shield, Justified etc. As with Breaking Bad, Southland has belatedly landed on Netflix, so you’ve no excuse. Get it watched. 8/10.

I’m watching US Traitors. At breakfast they are literally eating whole hard boiled gags like they are grapes. 🤢

Me, earlier this evening.

Everyone in this 1977 barber style guide has killed.

Rubio: “Let me tell you, Iran is run by lunatics, religious fanatic lunatics.”

I’m looking forward to the joyous scenes as Americans welcome the millions of Iranian refugees to the US.

Things I’ve seen Americans say on YouTube today. Queen is America’s answer to the UK’s Beatles. If Europeans don’t like Trump why did they vote for him? In Europe you can’t even drink the water. In Georgia they speak American. Nobody in Europe had even heard of Greenland before Trump.

My neighbour just pulled up on his drive looking a bit put-out. He’d been to the petrol station to fill his 5L can for his mower. They shouted at him over the (busy) forecourt loudspeaker YOU CAN’T FILL THAT CAN BECAUSE OF THE PETROL SHORTAGE. That’s why we get panic buying.

It’s like rain On your wedding day…🎶

Dear Jeffrey,

I’ve just unsubscribed from a podcast because of their repeated use of the meaningless ‘uptick’ and ‘fan base’. Let that be a warning to you.

Dear Ignorant Pigs, Please stop using your speakerphones in public like fat-arsed, tight-trousered morons from The Apprentice. Many thanks.

Wouldn’t he be better ending the war that he promised he’d end in his first week in office?

A gloss-lipped contestant on The Apprentice said X, Y, ZEE. Push them in the Thames with a brick.

Tell me. Are you disappointed with your face?

Anyone fancy a refreshing, chilled can of chicken stock?

Everyone else in our road has put the wrong bin out. Every one of them. Idiots. 😑

His Nan bought off an Epstein victim with £12M of taxpayer’s money. They should be gone. All of them.

I’m still watching the Olympics Closing Ceremony. It’s going on far too long. It’s like waiting for a bus in sleet.

I’ll miss the Winter Olympics, especially commentators Tim Warwood and Ed Leigh. I love that they have such enthusiasm and the disgust of the Daily Mail. ⛷️

I’ve just been followed by someone who is following 81,000 (EIGHTY ONE THOUSAND) people. I feel so special.

Wife’s birthday on Monday. You couldn’t make this up.

Are there any photos of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor leaving the Police station?

I notice that Americans miss the ‘a’ from paedophilia like they miss the Trump from prosecution.

I just bought a pair of gardening gloves from B&Q. Inside the gloves are Safety Instructions in 6 languages. This is most fortunate as I was going to have them for lunch. 🧤

One in five children infected in the recent London measles outbreak were reportedly hospitalised. Don’t believe the anti-vaxxers when they say “it’s a mild disease” or “it’s better to get immunity naturally”. It isn’t.

Virtually every country in the world includes the measles vaccine in its national immunisation program. Most have higher vax rates than the UK. Despite this, I’ve just had a draining spat with a man on Facebook who thinks unvaccinated children are catching measles because of immigrants. Hold me.

I concur. ☔️

Isn’t it brilliant to see the Union Jack being held by people that are not ill-educated racist scum?🇬🇧

Matt Weston. That was really superb. 🥇❄️

That US President chap. The size of the fella. He’s practically a cube. He must be forcibly dressed by a crew. His fleshy sprawl will become his coffin-maker’s greatest challenge.

I visited Bletchley Park yesterday. It’s up there with the greatest museums. How 9,000 people worked there for 6 years in absolute secrecy is beyond me. We’ve all heard of billions and trillions; they worked in Septillions, such was the complexity of the German Enigma codes. What brilliant people.

Brutally honest description.

I love Marmite. Everyone does, obviously, but this is unwelcome.

“Some men improve the world only by leaving it.” - Oscar Wilde.

I bought a Kobo Libra Colour today. Better than my previous Kindle Paperwhite in every respect. Most importantly, it’s not American.

I’m making an effort to avoid US goods and services, wherever possible. I was just about to buy something from Amazon (delivery tomorrow) but found it same price at Argos and it’s in my hand right now. The satisfaction is immense. Try it.

Meantime, in Hollywood an American adult is asked by a TV reporter to identify Greenland. 🇩🇰

Fair question.

American electorate. Everything is your fault. Twice FFS.

Severe? Let’s overreact.

Just been to see Bryan Cranston in Arthur Millar’s All My Sons at Wyndham’s Theatre. Fabulous. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ We were on the front row, a mere 2 metres from Heisenberg.

NYE was such a thrill. 🕺🏻 We watched Jaws and Jaws 2, moaned about cacophonous (good word) fireworks then went to bed. 🧨 Today, I’m mildly excited for The Traitors at 20:00 followed by The Night Manager at 21:00 (8 o’clock and 9 o’clock in the evening, if you’re American). Woop.

Fireworks should only be set off indoors. 🎆🎇

When a car crash is reported and people on Facebook post “I hope they’re OK” it takes all my mental fortitude to not reply “I always hated him”.

I just donated £2.50 to Wikipedia simply to get them off my back.

I’ve been reading about the power ‘outage’ in the Channel Tunnel. I wonder which media moron decided that we should adopt the American term for a power cut. Fortunately, there is now a power ‘inage’.