Alexander Armstrong is a man of the people. It’s just those people are fucking loaded & hate paying tax

Great to see Santa kicking back after an obviously tough Christmas #Hogmanay

Before it gets too late I’d like to wish you all a very happy Easter

Getting up in the morning is woke

Taran Egerton is alright but he’s no Kenneth Williams

At 57 asking my wife if the Ocado delivery has arrived is my “Has Santa been yet?”

Welcome to the Church of Barry Gibb

Anyone fancy a cheeky mushroom

He’s been!!!!!

A wool scooter? Must be a Lambretta

Probably the best idea

My other car is a Millennium Falcon #starwars

My time as a professional trampolinist had many ups & downs

Even my alarm clock is woke #thiscountry

I think it’s actually stationary

BBC pulls MasterChef? Gregg Wallace must be thrilled

Is this a half a dozen eggs or a Gregg Wallace look a like competition?

BBC pulls MasterChef? Gregg Wallace must have been thrilled

I can’t believe Joe Biden pardoned Gregg Wallace #breakingnews

“I can see the complaints coming from a handful of middle-class women of a certain age,” says an unknown gentleman in Whitechapel this morning.

Apparently this isn’t the Spar weekend my wife had hoped for. She is going be livid when finds out she’s on the early shift tomorrow

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got I'm still, I'm still not a geologist #MakeASongBetter

Dylan Jones really is sub Standard pressgazette.co.uk/the-wire/med...

Who knew that putting up posters was so exciting?

A great thread

Deep down I’m not very deep

Sieg Heil & I

I see the wife of the American Gothic guy has left him

I’m having a bath like a King of a very small fictional country

Is this a garage name sticker or the "Pampas Grass" of dogging?

Colin is in fine form again

At work everyone has a favourite toilet cubicle don't they?

Farmers are like buses.

@mightyboosh.bsky.social merch is niche

When a man is tired of Twitter, he is tired of strife

I left the other place last year leaving behind loads of funny & interesting people. Great to see familiar names popping up here. I’ve been following like a lunatic

If you can't handle me at my wurst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my Chorizo

I’m guessing they would’ve preferred cash

Unbelievably I am only 99967 followers off hitting 10000. I never dared to hope that my life was going to be this successful

There’s no small parts just small actors……. in porn

All castles could be bouncy castles if they tried Care to comment @nationaltrust.bsky.social

I am not Sparticus

Donald Trump Appointments Odds Vladimir Putin Evens Palaptine 2/1 Hannibal Lecter 5/1 Hans Gruber 7/1 Jar Jar Binks 8/1 Dexter 9/1 Darth Maul 12/1 General Zod 14/1 Bane 15/1 Sauron 20/1 HAL 9000 50/1

Now that’s worth slowing down for

Yet again the Simpsons saw it coming with RFK Jr

Matt Gaetz bringing all the dignity he can muster to the roll of Attorney General #trumptrain

If RFK can become health secretary then despite being 57 with no musical talent I’m still hopeful of becoming BBC Young Musician of the Year 2025

Hello from Soho where even the Christmas decorations look like cocks