Living in America is like being locked in a windowless room with a chimp holding a hand grenade. Sure, I'm relieved when he gets distracted and throws his own poop instead of pulling the pin, but in the end I'm still locked in a room with him.

The President of the United States just called for Democratic members of Congress to be executed. "HANG THEM", he posted. If you're a person of influence in this country and you haven't picked a side, maybe now would be the time to pick a fucking side.

Something to stiffen the spine. Rejecting monarchy is a core pillar of the American psyche - however deeply buried. Acts like these revascularize those atrophied muscles.

BREAKING: Satirical news site The Onion has won the auction to acquire conspiracy theorist Alex Jones' Infowars