I am SO MAD at this guy for going into the food industry but not doing so for the sole purpose of making a line of handcrafted breakfast syrups called Stavis Maples

who among us, amirite

why didn’t any of you idiots remind me it was World Kindness Day yesterday? way to go, dummies

I am always saying this

I drew this 4 years ago and have mixed feelings about the fact that it is still…I wanna say “apt,” for lack of a better word

an aspect of this story I have not yet seen anyone discuss: no new pennies being produced means there’s a chance we eventually reach the point where there are zero non ass pennies in circulation

last night I had a dream that I went to our local Walmart and when I got there they were having a “Grand Re-Opening” and they had completely renovated the store and were now selling really nice things, a dream many are calling “the lamest dream ever”

is this bad boy really this long, or are its proportions distorted by the camera angle? gonna go with “yes”

I do not agree with JD Vance on much but I gotta hand it to him here

second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

no* #RockOnTuesday today due to the federal holiday *no official #RockOnTuesday; if you want to have an unofficial #RockOnTuesday on your own time in the privacy of your own home, I legally cannot stop you

when reached for comment, the former The Freeze stated “I just couldn’t handle the embarrassment anymore. I mean, working for the Braves? YUCK. Gives me the ick just thinking about it.”

ooh, just missed

good punt

birds need the aerating attachments

once again: go birds

I Put A Spell On The Edmund Fitzgerald, by Screamin’ Gordon Lightfoot

They held the line for more than three years. Three fucking years. Incredible.

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog said this looks like a great event, I didn’t catch what he said right after that

Guillermo Del Toro’s Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Frankenstein

when Ralph Christmas gets in big trouble with his mom

made this last night and it’s already apropos Senate Dems who are caving, this one’s for you

Why stop at a 50-year mortgage? Let's go full dystopia and make it a 150 years, with your debt lovingly passed down like an heirloom of financial despair. Generation after generation, working not for wealth, but for the privilege of almost owning drywall. Why own a house, when you can haunt it?

well, that was inevitable (have already seen a “the Zohran sign generator thing is lame, actually” post from the professional contrarians/joke police) yes, yes, you’re too cool to have fun, what day is good for you to have your ticker tape parade

gonna put the other two I immediately thought of after reading this prompt in the replies but this dumbass jingle is seared into my brain forever; someday when I am in a nursing home and dementia has cleared every other thought from my head I will still be singing this to myself

CONFIRMED: Joe Davis, Calico Cut Pants wearer

this is the response of someone who has never in their entire life ever been asked even one (1) follow up question

seconded, this vid is an all timer

[standing in front of the dishwasher as it’s running and it starts to make kind of a weird sound] “I am warning you, cut it out”

omg, my carnivorous death ball! I lost it in the undertow while playing in the water at Ocean City, NJ back when I was a kid and just assumed it was gone for good, who do I see about claiming it

Just realised why I've been getting limited interaction on here recently. If you've had the same problem, go into your settings and toggle this to 'Everybody.'

he is not here; he has risen, just as he said

go ahead and have your fun and make your jokes about Sandwich Guy, but this verdict sets a terrible precedent and sends a terrible message that it’s acceptable to assault law enforcnah jk, get wrecked fascists lmaooooo I hope the guy who got sandwich’d reeks of onions and mustard forever

lookit this sick freak thinking about them Trump babies

aw, SHUT UP

pov: a few seconds before you hit Pete with a “he who smelt it dealt it”

can confirm, saw them at the TLA in Philly, also late ’90s and it was by far the worst show I’ve ever been to, Ryan Adams was clearly drunk and to say he was phoning it in would be an insult to performers who do phone it in because that at least involves some effort

I’m no fan of Andrew Cuomo but credit where it’s due: this was a nice word of thanks to his supporters during his concession speech

Good things are possible and we don’t have to settle.

MSNBC has announced that they will have six (6) backup Steves Kornacki on standby tonight in case of overheating/short-circuiting from the current Steve

hey man, there’s a lot going on and I can’t supervise you so just, you know, rock on amongst yourselves or whatever, I trust you #RockOnTuesday

wow, RIP Dick Cheney

they don’t even look 30, there’s no way these two got divorced 30 years ago

[wanting to participate in the “X just endorsed Cuomo” posts but seeing all the popular villain names already mentioned] um, uh…Lavendar McDade just endorsed Cuomo

successfully identified a phishing test email at work today

got some Marxist phone wallpaper for my comrades

that guy on his back on the ground kicking rules, bud watched exactly one (1) MMA PPV and was like “I can do that”