But will it kill the algae?

As a non-Catholic my main takeaway here is that "schismatics" is a spectacular word.

Folks, please do not put John Denver, a known abuser of women, on a pedestal. I promise we can do better.

Fuck it, I'm rooting for these guys. Any team whose star gleefully gets silly with Cookie Monster is a team I can get behind.

I don't like Lalas but I appreciate him saying Pulisic is the biggest soccer star in US history "on the men's side." It's obvious but it's also a very important qualifier and I'm glad he made a point of including it.

I know nothing about the USMNT. They might all be lovely people.* And I'm not rooting against them so much as I'm rooting for Bosnia. Not Herzegovina tho; they know what they did. *PLEASE don't tell me about them. I'm enjoying my ignorance & I don't want to know if they're all rapists and Trumpers.

"So what if we're the underdogs?" says Fox, as the US gets set to take on the superpower that is Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Everyone but Paraguay - and to a lesser extent, Morocco - has been a huge disappointment.

For real tho, are those supposed to be bubbles? And if so, why?

I don't know a lot about soccer, so please explain in simple terms what the hell is going on with Belgium's jerseys?

Is "Wonderwall" the new English anthem? Because if so, that's a big point in their favor.

I was getting a root canal during the first half, but it sounded like England very nearly got goalied... er, keepered?

Why don't they make the whole tournament out of Paraguay?

I don't know what's going on in the Catholic Church today but this sure makes me want to find out!

Someone got to the top of the Empire State Building and is there right now. Like, the top top - way up on the antenna. I have nothing else to say about this, but it seemed worthy of mention.

Most truthful and accurate thing he's ever said.

I can't figure out offsides in soccer for the life of me. That play looked wildly offsides to me. Like, not even close.

I beg you not to deny yourself a bit of relief, if not joy, when one goes your way. You need fuel and recuperation and hopelessness provides neither.

Look, man, I'm trying. Get off my back for a second. ewtnvatican.com/articles/pop...

I appreciate Fox's dedication to being as hatable as possible. Jameis Winston doing soccer(?!) reporting. A Mike Eruzione ad on infinite loop. Promos for the White House state fair bullshit. Just amazing work all around.

The thing about the birthright citizenship ruling is that there are a million reasons to hate how it happened but also we're allowed to take the win as a win.

I cannot tell you how unsettling it is to have the very survival of the Constitution rest entirely on Amy Coney Barrett's intellectual integrity.

OR 3) allow the Executive branch to ignore court rulings and do what it wants anyway The law means nothing if it isn't enforced. Trump will deport citizens if nobody stops him, just like he's murdering civilians in international waters.

Every penalty should come with an accompanying embellishment call.🙄

The great thing about New York is they had reporters stationed at a German bar and also at one called "I Love Paraguay" (seriously).

I don't soccer, so correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the Paraguay keeper was fantastic. Like, the clear star of the game for me.

I was sure Paraguay would be Japan, but they were NOT! Hooray for an actual upset!

PARAGUAY!

Jfc why is Jameis Winston on the World Cup broadcast? Disgusting.

Why did this make me *cackle?*

What's up Japan?

NHL GMs should regard a trade-down proposal from Tulsky with the same trepidation a sensible public figure should have for an interview request from Isaac Chotiner. You'll likely regret it.

I know exactly one (1) thing about the NHL draft, and it's that the Habs selected a guy named "Gleb." Learning any more would just ruin it.

Yvonne Strahovski IS Warren Spahn in

Yvonne Strahovski IS Warren Spahn in

You've smashed your last pumpkin

A whole lot of non-Jewish non-New Yorkers are having big feelings today about things they're not a party to. Thoughts and kaddishes, y'all.

What do you think they told him he was taking? Or do you think they didn't tell him at all, and just slipped it into his Diet Coke like a "compassionate use" roofie?

Tremble before me, gods and mortals!

Anyway, I made this pretty thing.

Where? The fuck? Is JULIE CHU????

AMEN

Not in a mall, but I worked at a Barnes & Noble about 200 yards from THE mall against which all other malls shall forever be judged - Paramus Park <insert choirs of angels here>. I used the locals-only shortcut through the mall parking lot to get home every night.

I am legitimately heartbroken that I live too far from LA to go to the GOJI MACA SNACKAROONS guy's yard sale😢

Counterpoint: Fuck movies.

WHERE IS YOUR FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING NOW

"I remember playing FIFA 94 in my room as a kid" he says as I slowly desiccate to nothing.

Without access to Xanax as a rescue drug I would be unrescued and in excruciating physical and psychological pain, if not dead. I STILL have to fight a fear of stigma to say that, which is why it's so important to keep saying it. Demonizing medicine leaves people in excruciating pain, if not dead.

Powerful words, you spineless weasels.