Dispensaries? Well DIS pen’s sagittarius

New strain Sunday: Indica Jones and the Jeef Crusade Choose wisely

Indica (White) Sativa (Red) Hybrid (Rosé) We will not be taking questions

New sentence never before skeeted: Due to high demand, we have sold out of Frankenstein’s Butthole

Please welcome our newest hire, Chaz. His qualifications? He willingly goes by Chaz.

Whichever employee figured out how to set the ATM transaction fee to $4.20, please come to the managers office, we’re promoting you to CEO

Larry’s cousin’s roommate’s stepdad tried to hotbox a Cybertruck. There were no survivors.

Jake came into work high again. That boy right there is management material.

New strain Sunday: JD Vance You’ll be so deep in the couch, God herself couldn’t pull you out

If you can do math here, you can do math anywhere

Step one: wake Step two: bake Step three: cake

Our advice? Same as Dr Dre, smoke weed everyday. Or maybe how to build a toilet paper and dryer sheet filter for Mother's Day

We only started this account for medicinal purposes

One of the local dispensaries advertises a “buy an ounce, get an ounce free” bogo for 420. Oregon is a magic land where folks just hand out weed and kiss you on the forehead and tell you how pretty you are. Don’t move here we can’t afford housing.

Please stop hitting on the female staff. They do not want to date you, they want to eat a stuffed crust pizza and watch Love is Blind

Happy 4/20. We just learned in England today it’s 20/4 so that means Kiefer Sutherland is high as shit

Don’t forget to leave out a fat doink for Willie Nelson tonight

Has anyone seen Larry? He promised a strain so powerful it would change the world but we haven’t heard from him since he left for NASA

Hear us out

Our staff has an encyclopedic knowledge of all things cannabis, but if you ask them about anything else those blank stares are genuine

Our staff has an encyclopedic knowledge of all things cannabis, which is ironic because they are all to young to know what an encyclopedia is

❌ Netflix and Chill ✅ Tubi and Disassociate

If you’re havin girl problems I feel bad for you son. We have zero problems but 420 solutions

Yes, we know you’re high. That’s the Lakeview promise

New strain Sunday: April Showers So many seeds and stems, if you plant it you’ll get May flowers

Why don’t you CBDeez nuts

Probably NASA does not recommend hotboxing a space capsule but we still want to.

We get asked this a lot, but no, same location

Our hours are the same today but please remember time is only a construct

PRO-TIP: Wanna go to the dark side of the moon? Pink Floyd and a nice indica. You’re welcome.

He was Risen yesterday, but today is your day. Pre-rolls 20% off until 9pm.

New strain Sunday: “Easter Sunday” You will be risen.

The local religious community has begun objecting to us teaching locals the metric system

We’re getting a lot of questions about our “must be this high to enter” sign, which are already answered by the sign

You don’t have to buy anything, just come out and watch nine hours of YouTube with us

You can’t April Fool OUR patrons, everything is already funny enough

Some of you will really go to therapy instead of smoking copious amounts of mary jane

All jokes aside, our employees are professional, courteous, and knowledgeable. If you object to Slayer t-shirts and tie-dye, that’s a You problem

New strain Sunday: A sativa we call “The Cops” (it WILL smash your door & steal $500)

If you don’t get marijuana here, please get marijuana somewhere.

It’s Friday and you know what that means? Because we don’t. Please tell us. We are so fuckin high

We now have glassware available in the shape of all fifty states and at least two provinces

lmao. new highers

Our best picture? Strain Dreams

algo1: is it oclock? algo2: yes that larry bitc must be high

It’s New Strain Sunday: This week: Bate Kush (you’ll be hunning up that rill)

For those asking, yes, we took down the neon sign. It was causing pauses in conversation that lasted up to eight hours

We pride ourselves in customer service, but if an employee asks if you’d like the Mind Goblin discount, do not respond

If Larry asks you why we’re called a dispensary and not a cannabis-ness, do not engage.

<warren zevon voice> I saw a lady with a parrot on her shoulder and a crossing guard sniff a couple of nugs of frankensteins butthole