I have a laser. It’s not attached to sharks, it’s actually a crafting thing but still. Laser.

Sleeping like a little angel after terrorizing everyone all morning.

Shoutout to the kitten for knocking an entire plant onto and into the living room air filter.

If I won the lottery, I would hire someone to keep the kitchen clean. I hate cleaning the kitchen on a pathological level

One tired kitten.

I bought a chocolate zucchini loaf from a local bakery and the icing looks like chocolate but also tastes like zucchini

Chuck is very good about eating his meals but now he is energized with the might of a thousand suns and wants to fight demons in the air

I wandered down to the park where kids were playing baseball and not to be a jerk but is no one teaching the children how to throw a ball

Me: Chuck don’t bite that! Chuck: *makes eye contact and bites it again*

Theme for the year. It is decided.

My neighbour likes my rental van and no kidding, it’s the Cadillac of vans. I love it too but I am probably going to buy a Toyota Corolla and disappoint both of us

I heard the ducks talking about you and they said to bring peas to feed them. They’re tired of bread and it gives them a bellyache

I went in the water and a little ways in where I thought it would get deep it was actually terrible soft sand and I thought this was it. The quicksand got me

Those cut water drinks everyone loves are no joke

The ducks had a conference in the middle of the water then made their way over to a group of families who really wanted to feed them

Infused pre-rolls are great if you don’t want to feel your legs and walk straight into a wall.

Apologies to the men at the beach who heard me mutter “ew men” about their presence but honestly. Ew, men.

I started feeding Leia up high on two storage bins so she can get a bit of peace from Chuck but he made such a big fuss that now he’s eating beside her again. She doesnt seem to care.

Women don’t like men. Women like those bowls that aren’t quite bowls but aren’t quite plates that are perfect for pasta.

Ok so I love paddle boarding and will be taking the child this summer

Me: Have you guys ever considered letting me eat in peace? My cats: Absolutely not.

We begin harness training the kitten in a bid to release some of his energy and see the world.

Anthony has to read a ghost sex scene on After Dark because Kate Lister is the guest and he is so unequivocally horrified that it made my whole day

Chuck has woken up with murder and pillaging in his little heart. We both had a big sleep day yesterday with a lot of napping and now he is capital-r Ready to Fight

It’s giving “whomst among us doesn’t have questionable, slightly racist Reddit posts”

I rolled out of bed the other night. I wasn’t going to say anything because what adult falls out of their own bed at night but also it’s kind of funny

Everyone freaking out about McConnell as though Woodrow Wilson’s wife Edith didn’t run their country after his stroke

There are only a few constants for left wingers and one is never, ever trust a dude with a nazi tattoo to have any position of authority, ever. Reformed or not, it doesn't matter. He can run the phone bank if he's reformed.

Wasn’t that platner guy the one with nazi tattoos, how did it get this far? If someone shows up with nazi tattoos you kick them the hell out.

Neighbour birds finally noticed Chuck in the window and sent out the alarm. He’s a 3-month old baby who is not allowed outside and all their squawking actually scared him but who can blame them

When are they going to weekend at Bernie’s Mitch McConnell. Seems like that farce of a July 4 celebration would’ve been an alright time

Do you ever hear the birds talking and they are so obviously talking shit about someone? The neighborhood crows are definitely on about something tonight

I’m out of Diet Coke and will have to walk to the store to get some and it’s not even that far but ew

Everything has been a lot recently but you know what, I get to see the ocean on my break.

Chuck went on his first hunt! He found an ant and he ate it

It’s funny how no matter what I’m eating, it’s my cats’ favourite and I should share a bite.

All day I’ve been recalling the random things I lost out the window last night and it includes my new nail polish 😭

Maybe I should hire an Etsy witch to lift my curse

The excitement of my night before it went to shit was that I found a 1949 nickel with King George on it and I used a new King Charles nickel to trade. There’s nothing else special about it but I like it.

When I said I wanted to get rid of the van and get a smaller car, this is not what I meant.

Guess who crashed her second car in six months. My entire life has gone to shit in these last six months. I’m not injured this time. That is the bright spot.

Cats can be chilling out, doing their little cat business and it makes me happy.

Holy shit did you know Alan Alda is 90? We’re watching Canadian Bacon

I just saw a kid walk back to her place from the nearby bus stop. It had the feel of it being her first time doing it on her own, she looked scared as hell but she did a good job of it. She’s the right age for it and she made it home. I was the same at her age, everything was scary!

Chuck spends so much time annoying Leia that when he wants to sit with her, he has to maintain a polite distance slightly out of her sight.

Is a planet or moon doing something untoward because today was fucked up

I’m trying to see my kid in the sea of graduation caps and every time I think it’s him with his beautiful curly hair, it’s a girl

I didn’t mean to but I had a cup of tea late at night again

How it’s going. #rughooking

I pulled the emperor reversed today because of course I did.