I intentionally collected my first bird with my new binoculars today. I had seen a few by chance prior to this, but this time I heard a bird and went looking for it. A tufted titmouse. A milestone!

"Every person is a world to explore." Thich Nhat Hanh

New goal: see a purple finch

I either chose to stop watching NHL hockey at the perfect time or the universe is punishing me and the Capitals by trading my favorite player

I needed to let this out of me. I hate that it exists in me, and I hate the manifestation of it as a painting, but I'm grateful for the coping mechanism [S]lover. Acrylic on canvas.

My apartment parking lot is like half empty and it's after midnight. I guess everyone is soooo cool and has a late night social life

I canceled my subscription to the streaming service I was using to watch the NHL

The US winning gold was bad for the NHL and hockey at large. Bunch of people making it very clear the sport is full of trash and the culture is toxic. Shouldn't be news to anyone who has been following the sport, but it still makes me sick

My weekend resolution is to not spend the time worrying about the impending snow

I woke up feeling le horrible after a bunch of disturbing dreams for the umpteenth night in a row but after coffee and gluttonous breakfast I had about three good brain chemicals moving me in the direction of a meeting. We did a meditation, and I encountered a deep sense of how sobriety is

Jaw on the floor watching the conclusion of the men's figure skating program. Ilia's performance of this routine at the Grand Prix had me in tears. This performance also had me in tears....

I'm not who I want to be

It's amazing how in less than 200 years, humans discovered the existence of dinosaurs, how dinosaurs evolved into birds, and how we can turn birds into dino nuggets

Finally freed my car from the snow!

I'm feeling really grateful for everyone who helps me and cares for me, especially when work is trying. My partner cleaned the bathroom and cooked dinner, and my new roommate gave me a ride home 🥰

Dueling Breaths. Acrylic on canvas.

I saw my recently deceased friend in a dream last night. I asked him how he was here, how I was seeing him. He said he doesn't have to try, he just Is. He said I don't have to try, to just Be. I tried to go back to sleep when I woke up so I could see him again, see him more. I can still picture him

Loving yourself is resistance of everything that makes you feel oppressed. Your heart continues to beat, and the most vital aspects of survival remain alive within you.

Everything in time and all, but if you're on the fence about going to AA, just know that I wish I had done it sooner. One of the best choices I've ever made. It took me a little while to be sure it's for me, but now I feel at home with my fellow sober people. I've given myself permission to trust.

Nothing is making me feel good right now. I feel pretty low. Smoking and drinking every time I've felt this way for most of my adult life has impaired my ability to handle these feelings. I cried earlier, wishing I could go back to abusing substances, but it doesn't work like it used to anyway.

I recently heard someone say that we don't get to choose our emotions. That kinda blew my mind because I've spent most of my life trying to do just that

I am irritated by all the things that I feel I could exert control over if I wanted to continue to be manipulative and oversteppy, but I am working on letting other people take control of their own shit instead of deluding myself into thinking I can help people who don't want to be helped

I just went to an AA meeting in the city that was for queer women and nonbinary and trans people. I've never felt so in love with a room full of "strangers." It's a 45 minute drive and starts 45 minutes after I get off work, but I might get an ez pass for the toll road just to enable me to go more

This week has been kinda poop inside my head, and I feel bad texting my sponsor to pretend to care how they're doing so I can talk about my own problems. Like I do care about them, but that's not truly why I'm texting. I've been trying to prevent my relationships from feeling transactional, like I

Lowering the temperature significantly while sleeping is resulting in such heavy sleep I don't want to wake up. Almost like we shouldn't be feigning productivity by creating artificially warm environments all winter and instead just slow down and rest more

I'm not sure how to have a good sense of self when I realize what an illusion self is. I've known for a while I need to just believe in something, find My Truth, but the way it's largely fabricated based on subjective factors stands in my way 😮‍💨

More information. www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-...

A friend's photograph of the total solar eclipse we viewed together, and my painting of his photograph

To preface this was my least favorite MKAL ever. The sections were just kind of a slog, and I had to customize it more than I like, however- I am still proud I finished this absolute BEAST (the final bind off was over 1,600 stitches alone) And now on to simpler things!

The nearest sensory deprivation float provider, which was very well reviewed, went out of business. It was expensive but located in the richest county in the country. People live here to work, but that lifestyle isn't exactly conducive to meditation or relaxation....

Setting boundaries is one of the hardest things for me to do in a romantic relationship. I can be convinced my needs are flexible, but they're truly not. Ultimately, I will find someone who understands, respects, and admires that.

I just realized that when I hear about tragedy, I feel morally obligated to pause and channel the pain and suffering of those involved. I try to imagine so deeply what they must be feeling. I truly feel like that's what I can and should do to acknowledge their loss and pain. But I suffer, and do

I honestly just want to curl into a ball and cry for hours over everyone I've lost. I'm not strong enough for this world

I just realized that if having a positive opinion of me stands in direct contrast to your own ego, you won't

Driving an unfamiliar car...it has a giant button/knob in front of the gear shift to control what is selected on the display screen. It feels like a throwback to the scroll wheel on a blackberry 🦳🦳🦳

Happy birthday Jean-Michel Basquiat

The day they put a fat model on TPIR is the day I can die happy

Cut my hair for the first time in over a year. I usually like it short but had lost touch with any consistent sense of preference or identity I guess... I'm back?

You think bell hooks has watched all of sex in the city

Trees that appear to be made of bone

Work in progress. Didn't want to work within the limitations of any previously started piece, so I just dripped some "apple tart" acrylic paint onto this piece of broken board I saved from a taekwondo demo class I participated in years ago. Started moving the paint and was reminded of the Shenandoah

My bio has read "A thinker and a lover" for over ten years, but today I'm realizing it should say "A thinker and an addict"

Telling me I'm not trying is the best way to motivate me to give up. I am trying, my best just sucks a lot of the time

Realized wicked is showing in IMAX at the air and space museum so now I have an awesome day planned for tomorrow!!

I just turned on the price is right channel for background noise, and there was an episode ending. Drew and the models were in the crowd signing autographs, as was Guy Fieri? Now I must search for more info...

#ForestFriday #watercolour #painting #art #ContemporaryLandscapePainting #watercolorOnPaper

I'm really learning how far from love I've been

There is an optimal rate for consumption of an iced coffee. That rate changes based on the strength of the coffee, the temperature of the environment, and the subsequent speed of ice melt. To consume the iced coffee at the optimal rate also requires self-discipline.

A flower from the bouquet my home is currently being blessed by