Good morning to everyone except whoever was working the ESPN app last night, who I hope gets the day off and is still asleep

I feel like we need to have a discussion about what’s going on at the oat milk companies. Why is all their marketing so irony poisoned? Imagine an archeologist coming across this in 100 years

Not spot on, but not bad

The ESPN app is having quite a moment

*man bursts from wormhole and runs up to me frantically in 2015* The first school from the 12-team college football playoff to win after their bye week will be No. 1, undefeated Indiana! Me: Whoa! During the second, non-consecutive Trump administration! Me: lol OK buddy

Making a QB change now, unless he’s hurt, is WILD

We haven't seen an Indiana squad turn back an Alabama offense this decisively since Antietam

Alolabama

I’ll take Indiana close in a low-scoring affair and Ole Miss in a barnburner, so long as Chambliss is 100%

Since there really isn’t such a thing as burying a news story anymore in the internet age, I’m convinced they picked this timing at least as much to try to ruin reporters’ NYE

*toddler looking at TV* “Santa!” “That’s not Santa, honey, that’s the Georgia Bulldog.”

I haven’t figured out if this is one of those games where they get away with it and win, like 12-7, or if TTU finally makes them pay on a big play or two

Planet Fitness sponsoring the NYE hats in Times Square is a particular kind of bleak

That pick-six was absolutely nuclear

Had this conversation with a friend a couple weeks ago. It’s both the only way I could see them making enough money to start paying some of these enormous bills, and also rife with potential disasters

This is the third-place game in my fantasy league

When Atlanta was up 21-0 I saw that the ESPN app only had them at 90% to win, which seems pretty low, until you remember that they’re the Falcons

My daughter started asking me to take her to the parking lot down the block to learn how to ride her balance bike. Should be a big year on two wheels for her next year

Just saw a car advertising, in cursive font on the back windshield, the owner’s full URL, onlyfans dot com backslash username. Incredible stuff.

Almost got caught in the crossfire of a broad daylight drive-by, how’s your Monday going

Extremely fitting that the one man who could ruin my fantasy season (which is to say, keep me from getting my money back from winning the loser’s bracket) is none other than Kirk Cousins

I always knew my daughter would be dropping burns on me someday, but she’s just started patting me on the head, saying “hi, little buddy.” She’s 2.

Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn't nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam, or alice in chains.

*does not need another sweater* Thinking about buying another sweater

Inside you there are two wolves @seantcollins.com @robertsilverman.bsky.social

Just found out a good friend of mine’s dad passed away last night. I know holidays can be rough on lots of folks. Anyway, if you’re going through it right now, just know you’re not alone

And for sticking them all on streaming channels

Somebody GIF me Oski drinking out of a straw through his eyeball

D.C. folks — our go-to Christmas Eve Chinese place closed down this year. Any recommendations? (Panda Gourmet is great, but a bit of a haul from where we are)

Without the rest of bowl season, how would Maverick McIvor ever convince a scout to use a 7th-round flyer on him and end up starting an NFL game in 2027, which is why you’ve found this skeet

Absolutely incredible numbers here, to the point where the quote-post ratio alone is in prime Luis Arráez territory

Ah, yes, Morgan Sword. There’s a name I remember well (he was a driving figure behind the contraction and consolidation of the minor leagues) www.baseballprospectus.com/news/article...

My wife’s grandmother gave her a bunch of old recipe books for the holidays and, folks, strap in

The full spiked 60 Minutes CECOT package, clean & subtitled. 1/5

Few sports events elicit as much of a reaction out of me as a great doink

That George Kittle TD means I just knocked my wife out of our fantasy league 😬

It’s been a day, but a random guy at the liquor store just told me I look like a Jonas Brother, which I have to accept as a compliment for the age estimate, if nothing else

As someone who works with researchers who regularly test the efficacy of these tools, the aspect of LLMs that concerns me the most is that (in my observation) the more people know about them, the more critical they seem to be of their outputs, and vice versa

Re-upping, for those in need of a great holiday cookie. If you like mint chip ice cream, you will love these

It’s the “season of love and giving”…but this year, doesn’t it seem more like a “season of fear and taking”? Like many of you, I’ve been saddened by the human impact of draconian government budget cuts and how angry many housed Americans are at unhoused Americans. 🧵 1 of 9

Love the experience of an account on here being so weird that I genuinely can’t tell if it’s a person or a bot

A thing that always makes me smile is every time the broadcasters say that “you need to punt and play field position” and are immediately proven wrong

Made these for the first time tonight, while letting my 6-year-old nephew help, which is to say they’re just about foolproof, and quite good, if you’re looking for a fun holiday cookie. Gift link: cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1027...

Hello from Texas, where our dystopian future of a sky full of Walmart delivery drones is already in full flight

The American humor of my adult life basically began in these 2 minutes and 53 seconds

Man, we were just talking about this festival, which I can’t believe was 10 years ago. What a lineup!

This is an American bike company, which owes more than 25% of its total asset value in tariffs

Every company stop trying to copy Spotify Wrapped challenge (impossible)

Facebook being a sponsor of Duke basketball feels a little too perfect