An update from the Your Body My Choice, Right? merch sales 💃🏻

Takopi’s original sin spoiler- Tbh Shizuka being solely motivated and after her dog, not caring what else is going on around her, or the people involved and crashing TF out when she still can’t reunite with her dog is so real.

Part 2: A slow approach generally makes them only move away by an inch or two so you can tell where they are on your head and go to a nearby structure and lean your head on it so they can exit. Or you can walk around with a spider hat- dealer’s choice.

Part 1: Pro tip: if a large spider falls on your head because you’re prone to “spider hour” walks in wooded areas: If you swipe at it instinctively the spider will scatter all over the place and potentially get tangled in your hair.

I’m devastated- this was my favorite glass 😭 if anyone helps me find the artist and get a new one, I’ll find you a dubiously sourced kidney. I think I got it from Metrocon in Florida circa 2022?? Maybe?? I don’t know but I’m sad.

People ask how I learned I could talk, laugh etc without moving my face and the true story is I was talking to myself and noticed my face wasn’t moving in a wall mirror.

One time a guy had a seizure during a party at my place and when the paramedics came I convinced them to get in my coffin. “When’s the next time you’re gonna get to try one out. That you’ll remember at least. Don’t worry- you’ll fit. It’s made for men.”

The emotional support lettuce was a success

Will acts of terror occur? Yuh probably. But realistically you should be more concerned about your local white man going on a personal rampage. It’s statistically way more likely.

Don’t fall for the “sleeper cell” bullshit. It just the Red Scare but in a newer, tackier, and ironically red hat. It’ll be used and sensationalized to push for Islamophobia and Arab “deportations” in the states.

TikTok’s algorithm seems to think I’m part of the dead dad club this Father’s Day. I’m afraid not 😮‍💨 The one thing I inherited from him was the “lasted way longer than they probably should have” gene. I’ll give the guy that much, he’s definitely been annoyingly durable >:T

Why did no one tell me there is a Madoka Magica ass Drowsy Pokemon card??? Step aside prismatics I want this beauty

🌙: the scariest ghost movie for me was The Grudge. ☀️: I find that so interesting. Perhaps we fear what is reflected I’m still trying to unpack what that means

The most reliable thing in my life is wafflehouse’s power to make me take a dump within 20 minutes of leaving the store

I had to get all new tires because mine were rotted

An honor and a delight 🌙🍄

FYI there’s some kind of scam where “podcast reps” reach out get you on an established podcast, always sponsored by a brand or meta itself and offering a few thousand for the opportunity. Idk what the end goal is, but after I messed with one for a while I can say they’re definitely nefarious.

I woke up with one hell of a hankering for soup

The ironic part is I really don’t even use Reddit that much.

This is my pokemon team line up btw The abra isn’t really for combat. Our psychic link has her teleport us out whenever I get annoyed and want to leave. Or if I lose a battle and want to avoid paying up.

Oh me oh my. A LOLsuit update www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8YE7u5M/

I woke myself up laughing- I can’t remember the joke but it was apparently a good one.

My friend said I have headless mannequin energy

Nothing better happen to Neil the Seal

👨‍🦲: honestly you’re coming across as so condescending and rude when I’m just trying to educate you. 🌙: well thank Satan that my tone is coming across correctly even via text- it so often can be lost 😮‍💨 can’t have you thinking I’m respecting your input.

Blueballs isn’t a real medical condition. It’s a term used as a coercion tactic solely to get sex/ otherwise guilt trip a partner or blame someone else for your sexual frustration 🫶 Can you feel uncomfy from not popping the bottle? Yeah! But to cry “Blue balls” is really just an attempt to coerce 🫡

Men get big mad when I mention I’m asexual. I get that you guys are stuck with a ducttape raft you can’t even get to the surf while I’m letting a dream yacht rust- but you need to understand some of us just aren’t interested in sailing 🤷🏻‍♀️ don’t get mad at me because you can’t get your dingy wet.

The terms are nonnegotiable

I was overtaken by the spirit of the Levan Polka Leekspin from like 2009 (specifically the version done by the first YouTuber I ever followed but she’s since unlisted hers, so I made my own with my duck brother mods. Not the usual stuff I know- but I have my own fun.

Me: I’ve never understood being brought to tears over musi- *Laika Party Plays* Me:

You guys wanna see something funny?

I’m not suprised the guy behind Terrifier is “anti politics in media” (we all know what that means) Like he’s definitely making a political statement by giving his most extended/worst death sequences to his female characters. Men get it rough in that franchise as well, buuut you notice a treeend

Oh hey my birthday is ambiguously soon

Update! We’re a little over $400 🫡 I’ll do an update on tiktok and hopefully that’ll push us over the $500 to fund a whole deletus procedure ✨

Keep an unused and sealed reusable menstrual product in your emergency bag- if you wanna be a girls’ girl pack an unused sealed spare. Even if you usually use tampons and pads- get a reusable option and keep it in your emergency supplies.

Get a reusable menstrual product. Get a backup or two of said product. Make recommendations below, and keep an open mind. What works for you may not work for others (our undercarriages are complicated and vary) I’ve been using a silicone cup for years with no trouble.

Look for ways to be more physically present in at-risk communities, establish trust and understand you might not be trusted. Don’t aim to be a hero to anyone, at best you’re just a resource and hopefully one that isn’t needed.

Remember kids: historically the best hiders didn’t tell the seekers that they’re planning to help the others find good hiding spots. Sometimes they even pretended to help look for them or seemingly sat the game out entirely. And they definitely didn’t talk about it online where it could be flagged.

Challenge the people defending Trump against the Hitler comparisons to make a Venn diagram of the two.

People are finding me on Substack all on their own and honestly yall are impressive to have sniffed me out there. I don’t post yet- full transparency I made an account to subscribe to @kyleprue.bsky.social ‘s series and forgot to ever update my card to resubscribe (sorry king I’m coming back rn)

Since we’re on the topic of Romans and Caesar: Pu huf zpabhapvu, zbycpchs pz hss hivba hkhwapun. HP jhu'a hsdhfz buklyzahuk jvklk tlzzhnlz fla, huk aolyl hyl thuf afwlz vm jpwolyz fvb jhu bzl av zwylhk hdhylulzz. P kvu'a dhua hufvul av il zjhylk, qbza hdhyl vm aopz hz hu vwapvu.

I was able to go live for a few hours- It was an honor to be one of the last ones down and first ones back up for many of you. Anyway I’ve been awake for like 48 hours and need to reset my internal clock (and I’d prefer to wake up once the inauguration is over) lemme know what I missed.

Now THIS is definitely new. I didn’t have anything telling me my region before the ban- which was a big question I had since I was using a VPN and a foreign phone/sim I had access to at the time and it wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t work on a cleared browser either, even trying to create a new account.

It was never about if they could. It was about if they would. And this collective show of force that was this mass silencing out of spite should concern you.

Why you shouldn’t thank Trump for “saving TikTok”

Some of my followers screen recorded the end (I had the pop up on my end) and sent me my own final words. No matter where you end up on the internet- enforce your boundaries and stay evil!

Met with a terrible Fate 😩 thanks to everyone who said their goodbyes. It doesn’t have to be, just come find me! I’ll post weekly. linktr.ee/caffinatedki...

Re: The TikTok ban. It’s annoying to lose a platform thanks to a giant game of capitalist chicken #tiktok #tiktokban #unitedstates #caffinatedkitti #contentcreator

Americans: What do you think the last video you see on TikTok will be before it goes dark?

If there is anything you can always count on me to find- it’s the absolute laziest way to do something. #lazyluciferoverhere