I'm mostly on X now, again, whatever. I actually get interaction there. Bluesky is sweet and all, but maybe too much performative goodness from some? Don't know, but I'll check in here occasionally.

You could've interacted with me constructively on this, but instead you did a QT to sick your followers on me. That's a big show of immaturity. It doesn't matter how many of your thousands pat you on the back about it. I learned more about you than I wanted to. Imagine that.

I'm sick of social media. I go out in the real world and nobody knows who most of these bigass supposedly influencer accounts people are, and most won't engage but might sick their following on you. It's empty. I'll miss some of you, but I'm out. I'll be better for it.

Sometimes my meds cause my blood pressure to drop and I'm dizzy for a period of time. This doesn't happen often. To me, it's a tolerable adverse effect. It's tolerable because my other choice is plunging back down into depression. I wonder what others find to be tolerable adverse effects.

the lovely sun

Once again psychology papers and articles making huge leaps. There’s no causality here but it doesn’t stop the authors actively suggesting it. Many psych illnesses are associated with poor sleep and conspiratorial beliefs. It doesn’t mean one causes the other. This conclusion is totally unsupported.

time to cook

fabulous Audrey Jane

I've found a great outpatient psychiatrist & therapist. Yet, if I need inpatient care, I don't know what I'll get. One hospital is excellent, but if beds aren't available, the other half a dozen choices are awful. It's shameful to be put where you're made worse & we know better & can do better.

I find posts about taking on tRmp & EElon & billionaire influencers in general that are like 'prove them wrong, and show that people power can beat big money, by electing thus & such' so tiring because elected politicians don't do shit. (Just a bit disillusioned here is all.)

This, and, as the posted article discusses, while inclusion of PMDD was an important first step, the majority of people with clinically significant effects of their cycle on mental health are excluded from that dx. This needs to be a much broader part of psychiatry/psychology training and practice.

Audrey's appreciating the nice sun.

Oh! Hi, Audrey.

Jumping around the sofa and out the door - busy afternoon for Audrey

Hard Stories to Tell (38"x 30" acrylic painting) I just finished this painting, a piece I started way back during pandemic quarantine. I've worked on it sporadically, then much more consistently in recent weeks until I said stop, it's done. 🧵of start to finish, if you're interested. 1/4

late day sun

shadow cat

sweet baby Audrey Jane

This painting is getting near completion.

I agree, @owenmuir.bsky.social Reassurance is Poison in OCD open.substack.com/pub/thefront...

Do you want out, Audrey? Do you like being out? Do you want to come in?

Far away from my childhood, memories still haunt No one there, no one sensing held back tears In the roll of thunder, as shadows sway in lightning flashes, tree branches on walls as if in the room, I stay small, so quiet, okay, okay, I repeat, calming myself, fearing trouble if I cry out for help.

4 weeks ago - -> now (not finished; still a work in progress)

My flying monkey and me looking for my fucks to give.

A decade of trialing various modern ADs and combinations starting in 1999 and I had given up on medication. Then a psychiatrist I had come to trust asked me if I would try an MAOI, selegeline. Game changer, esp in patch form.

Before I opened my mind & read more about psychiatry & mental illness (in terms I can understand as a patient), I thought the medical model was a thing psychiatrists followed to justify medicating. Ha! Obvious I was coming from bad prescribing experiences. www.psychiatrymargins.com/p/people-are...

I’m at the auto shop having an exciting time.

Today’s activities include a tire pressure adjustment because that indicator light is on, grocery shopping, and more painting. I speak only for myself, not Audrey, who I think is planning to nap.

Waiting for the coffee to wake me up so I feel more sociable. (photo by Robert Frank)

teefs

Fears

When there's so much to worry about, cats don't.

I went to art club this morning.

I didn't expect the zombie apocalypse to go down this way.

I once told my stepmom that I no longer had a primary care physician & she said you have to, they receive all the reports from other doctors & coordinate your care. And I replied something about I don't know what world you live in. There's no magical coordinator, especially in mental health care/

Sweet Audrey, or at least insistent Audrey, is keeping basic functioning in operation while I spend the day feeling like crap.

"There’s humor and richness and quirkiness to all experiences and I’ve been witness to so much that’s colorful or dirty or a revelation. I like being in the thick of it. I’m not stuck in a mindset of being only a psych patient." rwillowfish.blogspot.com/2025/02/life...

liminal space

liminal space

When I was 5, I dreamt that my dad, who was bipolar, removed the top of his head, my interpretation of his instability. That image made its way into my art - open heads, things bursting from or inside of heads, etc. - a personal symbolism. Not intended as an expression of mental illness but it is.

such a beauty

The little beast sees that I’ve returned and must come down to direct my next actions.

My heat wouldn't turn off problem has been fixed by apartment maintenance so Audrey and I can live in comfort.

Meds for depression/bipolar/psychosis have stabilized me and freed me up. I've also been seeing a therapist. Wednesday I got to an issue, deep in, without my usual self-censoring. I feel less burdened, more open to my life. It's meds+therapy for me & then I'm relaxed enough to pursue activities.

Today I'm getting an MMR vaccine (measles) because apparently between 1963 & 1967 it maybe wasn't 'strong enough' in some cases, so...(yes, I'm old-ish) plus the shingles vax because I've already had shingles once & it sucked & yes, you can get it more than once. So I'll have sore arms all weekend.

Audrey’s having her after waking up and eating nap.

Audrey’s ready for cat games.

I’ve been painting. The left one was a couple of days ago with the one on the right being the work I did on it for the last few hours. This is a section, not the entire painting.

Cooking is done. I never like to leave a mess in the kitchen.

garlic burgers