Idk 🤷🏻‍♂️

Taking the mandatory gay guy union mid beard trim break.

The day my sound bar keeps a consistent volume is the day I fully ascend. I dream of that day.

While I'm overall glad not to have grown up with cameras everywhere, I am admittedly a bit sad about not really having any pictures of my life before I was 24.

This rooster in the neighborhood is sometimes just doing waaaay too much. I mean I get it but we can't just scream all day.

Tell me why it took me 3min and one servicenow ticket to get this issue fixed that two other leaders said they've been trying to resolve for a YEAR?! they really need to pay me more like ???

Okay make that $350 and no dilation. Apparently 60-70% of the glands in my eyelids that are responsible for oil production to prevent dry eyes are dead, so that's cool.

Pretty sure today's eye exam is the triple threat of a refractive exam, visual field test, and dilation 😩 My insurance doesn't really cover much of anything, goodbye $250!

After living here for 14 months, I finally caught the neighbor cats enjoying the patio 😍

How often do y'all floss? Had a cleaning yesterday and the hygienist said I need to floss twice a day, but also said my gums are perfectly healthy. Feels like she's working for big floss 😞

Can't even pickup a generic prescription because the insurance company doesn't like the manufacturer and the pharmacy doesn't want to cover a $200 loss. I hate this country so fucking much.

If I don't rub someone else's hairy chest soon I might die.

Returned the rental car and of course there's a scrape above the rear wheel on the driver side. Looks like it should be able to be buffed out, but I'm sure hertz is going to be very reasonable about it

Dang

This small grocery story in idyllwild is putting everyone to shame in the rotisserie chicken game.

Oh lemme pull up my bird ID app and see who's talking shit around me 👀

Seeking sugar daddy to allow this to be my every day life. Please?

✌🏻

Sitting at the coffeeshop in the casino I'm at for a conference and my brain is actively trying to find a way to end it all. Shouldn't have left my headphones and earplugs in my bag while waiting for my room to get ready

Goddess if you are real and love me, please send a big hairy man for me to have my way with 🙇🏻‍♂️

Not sure if they could have made the seats in the genesis g70 less comfortable if they tried. Padding? Never heard of her.

Saw a very hot mustachioed flight attendant working this flight but now he has disappeared? Bring back my eye candy!

Idk is there a greater thrill than finding out someone's sign and everything immediately making sense? I mean I'm sure there is, but I'm choosing whimsy instead of reality today.

Finally bought a second set of bedding so I could stop having to wash sheets every single week and mama when I tell you I am living a life of luxury and opulence, you best believe it.

Instead of being annoyed about the leaf blower noise, I decided that I'm just going to scream out the window in the same pitch. We're all going to suffer.

Flight home was cancelled so uhh, what's up Boise?

Too many people sitting near me to participate in the gay tradition of scrolling sniffies at the airport 😭

Another flight, another dick pat down 😞

Do I find a way to disappear and quit my job when I can exit the lease on my townhouse in August? I feel there's a path, I just can't see it yet.

Okay nvm we're back now that my brain finally realized that I gave it some nutrition. Ya happy now? Get to be all anxious instead of anxious and tired?

I waited too long to make coffee and now I'm concerta crashing on top of that. Breathing feels too laborious to continue, I fear this may be goodbye.

Bestie, the commune, WHEN? 😭

😍

If it happened on my bday, you'll never hear the end of it from me. NEVER.

I fear that I'll never make another cup of coffee as good as the one I just finished. Will that stop me from trying to reproduce it even though I refuse to measure anything? No.

If I was president, I'd make it illegal for dishwashers to make any noise bc wtf, there's no reason they have to make all those different sounds. We were not meant to hear the horrors of the dishwasher, please release me!

Cleaned my water bottle before it grew its own ecosystem, I'm unstoppable this Aries season.

Just realized this license renewal will have me hitting my 20th year in my profession. How that's possible when I only graduated 7 years ago is beyond me.

And how am I kicking off my 3 day weekend? By doing a 2hr ethics CEU so I can renew my professional license that expires in 1 day 7hours bc I am WHAT? (a struggling procrastinator, riddled with brain worms)

Okay y'all, suggestions? I'll be in Temecula, CA for a few days late April at a conference and taking a few extra days. Do I go to: Palm springs: spent a week near JTNP, but never PS proper. San Diego: Never been, I'll have a day there before the conference. Something else? Have 3.5 days 🙃

Nvm sun disappeared, kinda forgot I live in Seattle for a minute. The cunty Sasquatch lives another day!

One day I'll remember to put spf on my tattoos before enjoying the sun, but today is not that day. Sorry cunty Sasquatch 😭

Out of office message turned on and officially started a 3 day weekend. Hopefully I'll be hit by a meteor before Monday and will no longer have to be concerned about the well-being of my meat shell.

Playing slayyyter at the dive bar, hate crime incoming 👀

Pretty sure I'm a robot or something bc I was trying to register for this work conference and after 15 tries, I could not get past the captcha. I apparently can't identify bridges, busses, motorcycles, and cars. Oh well.

This new slayyyter is scratching the deepest recesses of my brain 😵‍💫

The next time I start a new job somewhere I'm telling everyone I have a kid bc apparently that means you have an unlimited excuse to show up and leave whenever you want.

Need a dad to bring me a NA beer from the fridge (and then ...)

Rooftop time 🌞

It has long been a dream of mine to be shot in the face for not removing my laptop from my bag quickly enough. 🥰