whoever invented this specific type of copyright restriction should be fed into a washing machine mangle dick first

i need to speak to the plant doctor again, the break has been nice but i think i need an evening of gently rubbing my chest hair while eating psychoactive chocolate

happy Friday to me, and this glass of delicious, DELICIOUS cold brew

FORZA HORIZON 6 JAPAN FUCK YEAH

there’s nothing quite as refreshing as a course of fried chicken after having my back door knocked in 😌

hell yeah 😎 thanks mister mailman

let’s make out and listen to video game ambience

the problem with trying to reduce scrolling time is you miss out on like a day’s worth of whatever the fuck is going on, and you’re left to connect the dots between tylenol, the rapture, AUTISM ANNOUNCEMENT and fuckin whatever else has popped up since you last tried to catch up

i have made the terrible discovery that hot to go sounds perfect against the backing track for 1999 eurodance hit boom boom boom boom

how I’ve been the last couple of weeks:

me trying desperately and failing to explain to my father in 2002 that the flash video in the browser history is not actually a French Erotic Film, but something much MUCH stranger

I spent my Sunday watching foreign language gay movies, and i cannot say how much i enjoyed the astronaut lovers land of storms however…why write a protagonist just to beat the shit out of him with the plot for the entire movie

“What’s your most annoying video game boss?” oh my god this one. this freak. there’s nothing inherently difficult or challenging about the fight, but pinocchio screaming GET ME OUTTA HERE every 2.5 seconds is just about the fucking limit

why is this damn movie in french

Have you seen this woman? Can we get our $400,000 back? 👀

i expected this to be worse - not even a slur, wow

@profanity.accountant hello :)

“Expertly sculpted for both beauty and performance” babe this is an alien dildo not a corvette can we be serious for just a second please

hell yeah

they’re. wigs.

judging by the bumbling of this pharmacy I’ve resigned myself to, the best time to order a refill of a prescription is while I’m at the counter picking up my current order, so i have two weeks to sort out their fuckery

I just learned you can buy 24 hours of boosts on Grindr for $79.95 (down from $360) suddenly all of my financial indiscretions in the past don’t seem so bad, when someone is spending money on that

there is a northern lad who keeps popping up on my youtube walking around the yorkshires and i tell you what he could crawl into my slate mine any day

i don’t need to hear seppos talking shit about au/nz drag, thanks

sorry to the man who is regularly putting it in me, i’m very very attracted to you but I am not attracted to me rn feels bad to have to keep putting him out, but ultimately more important for my own mental health I guess

this is what cruising feels like

currently levelling RDM, and i'm at this stage of AF armour 😌

hi bloomfs:)

I would like to institute some sort of electric shock mechanism to shock people who email me less than 24 hours after they send an enquiry in; or if they call me more than twice/after I finish work

windows 5000 when the microphone hears me pull out the tissues and unscrew the bottle of poppers

must have been dreaming big last night, woke up without any knickers on - i wonder what that means?

me at work kinda

i have to keep reminding myself that every day is another step forward to being happy with my reflection, regardless of how big or small the step is

ffxi's cid kinda caked up 🫦

GOD i love the pop of a fresh cherry tomato

I could have been the most annoying nine year old in history if I had this in my library (and played a recorder)

going to a pathology clinic is never fun, but it almost feels like an accomplishment to arrive at an empty one

nice try algorithm, serving me videos about calling men "good boy" only works on me when it's a furry pair of fat tits doing it

whenever i look at youtube shorts i keep getting this one channel of japanese commercial cooking, and one video to make a chocolate cake uses more eggs than i have ever eaten in my life

i survived a trip to northland and all i got were these lousy coins for my communal laundry

thank you everyone for taking the time to post your pets, it means a lot to me

this bubbles to the top of my subconscious at least twice a week

why do blinder pimples hurt so bad, and yet so good?

christ if i have another tuesday like this, it's so over

your first mistake was ever taking anyone with the last name "booty judge" seriously

how DARE you have a cameras-on meeting at 2pm, that is the universally recognised "i'm trying not to fall asleep" o'clock

a podcast just told me about james joyce, with explicit instructions not to look up his love letters, and OH BOY that is a HORNY man

online shopping as a big boy kinda annoying - i don't want to see what a twink looks like in those baggy pants, numbnuts i want to see how bad the mushroom top gets, i want to see the ACTUAL inseam, i want to see that big bum and how many awkward creases there are in "baggy" pants

brain is dishing out unnecessarily large amounts of psychic damage this weekend, i hope aimlessly drifting through a shopping centre fixes it :/