Remember when Dan Quayle couldn't spell "potatoe" and that was considered disqualifying for being president? No? You should have been there. Good times.

I scanned thru my spam folder and found many, many possible names for your metal band: Legal Boner Tea You, Pervert Deadly Artery Crystal Toenail Fungus Top Urologists Unusual Account Actuvity

Hey, if I can round up a few dozen friends and we storm the US Capitol and smash some windows next week is it too late to get in on that $1.8 billion?

HOW CAN 37% OF AMERICA THINK TRUMP IS DOING A GOOD JOB?

"It's the audacity of the afternoon that matters." A few notes on day drinking, with helpful hints for those just beginning their journey into genteel debauchery. thelongbar.substack.com/p/a-field-gu...

The Aviary opened in Chicago 15 years ago and made molecular mixology mainstream — rotovaps, flavored ice nuggets, cocktails aged three ways. Most of that didn't survive. What did is more interesting. thelongbar.substack.com/p/the-bar-th...

Dear algo: what do you know about me that I don't know mysel?

Leans forward to ask taxi driver: "Where exactly are we headed?"

The best story I've read to date on Graham Platner, who is up 27 points in primary polls for the US Senate. "Organizing is central to Platner’s vision...'This kind of campaign and kind of politics, with an organizing focus, this doesn’t work if you just run TV ads,' he said."

You meet only five types of people at craft cocktail bars. Prove me wrong. thelongbar.substack.com/p/the-5-drin...

"None of these people, including our own, very disappointing, NATO, understood anything unless they have pressure placed upon them!!!” A sentence is trying to find its way out of a atrophied brain. Maybe next time!

A court ruled one whiskey bottle looked too much like another. Which would be more convincing if most whiskey bottles didn’t already look like they came from the same 19th-century saloon. thelongbar.substack.com/p/who-owns-t...

When latte art becomes sentient.

O Tenenbaum....

MTG and Elon both REALLY want to show their independence but also also still want love from daddy.

Now do 151.

"Hello Mr President. My name is Chris Hansen."

When the world wants hazmat-level whiskey, Heather Greene delivers… something gentler, smarter, and far more subversive.

First Bowdoin-American to become NYC mayor

Arsonist calls fire department. Hailed as a hero.

In the Maine woods I established a curated, artisanal bottle dump with my favorite empty craft liquor bottles. I invite everyone to come back in 150 years and marvel at what once was. Read and learn: thelongbar.substack.com/p/a-second-g...

Well if I ain't a snail's turd! It's an email from old uncle Foghorn Leghorn, and he's gone all cattywampus and set down my voter info somewhere and it's gone and walked off! No amount of shaking the overalls upside down and looking in the sock drawer will turn it up! Oh, wait, here it is: 🖕

Apple really needs to think about streamlining their emails if they don't want to end up in my spam folder: Apple Services [email protected]

All the advancements and achievements of Europe are wiped out by the practice of deplaning onto a bus.

It's happening. Everyone should prepare an escape plan.

Love coffee cocktails but hate laying awake at night? For the upcoming National Coffee Day, I offer you a three ingredient solution

“Talking with Patrick McGovern about liquor was like talking to an astronomer about the Big Bang.” A tribute to the man who saw ancient history in every sip.

I was twelve when Butch Cassidy came out and I saw it at least four times and then I got a cowboy hat and on my stingray bike with a friend I swooped out of the woods on the dirt road near our house when cars went by with the idea of holding up the passengers. Why am I not dead?

Un. Fucking. Believable.

Went to a science fair under the I-610 today.

Why it takes so long to compose a simple email.

I took this photo of @grahamformaine.bsky.social on the day I met him in 2023. He’s the smartest and fiercest and he’s going to vanquish Susan Collins finally. His oysters are terrific too. Anyway going to a meetup with him tonight at 6 at Lucky Jack’s on Orchard if you feel like meeting him

Feeling gaslit? Read this.

Find the bar! Sound easy? Have you met Tokyo?

For the love of Christ, just let them. I for one would welcome our iguana overlords.

Found: Lair of the Dark Lord of Dark Rum., in Tokyo

Brown‑Forman's "net sales in developed international markets dropped eight per cent" due to "geopolitical uncertainty". Sales fell 62% in Canada, 16% in the UK, & 10% in Germany. 🍷 #EconSky www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

Bourbon or B**rbon? Canadians are aiming to give American whiskey a run for it's money. A blind tasting suggests that the gap might be closing.

Cocktails are fleeting. So are fog-filled bubbles. Both can still last in memory. At Houston’s Museum of Fine Arts, I found an art show that doubles as a metaphor for every perfect bar.

This is a perfectly natural way to shake hands. There shall be no further discussion of this matter.

A tradition like no other.

Hangovers are the last heroic quest: you wake up lost, led astray by a guide who told you the elixir was harmless, and so you set off in search of a potion that brings you home. Sometimes that potion comes with celery.

Do they award a Pulitzer for spam headline composition?

Spirits industry, we have to talk. You’re in an abusive relationship. It’s time to break it off.

Big, if true

EVERYTHING IS COMPLETELY NORMAL

Six bars, six solutions. How New Orleans bartenders tackle the Ramos Gin Fizz problem

Murphy spent yesterday at a dog care center where they added ice cubes to cool the wading pool. A staffer reported that Murphy took out cubes and made a pile of them and growled at other dogs who came near. "He thinks they're a high value treat," she said. I have never been more proud.

Just one sip, then on to the next drink.