Recording a presentation for work and having to delete it because I spend two minutes ranting about appeasing the egos of Catholics, White men, and Italians.

My love language is the slack I just received from my manager that said "I'll lead that call today. You can be cameras off." 🫶🏼

What if I… went to Phish tomorrow anyways? Fuck work and fuck money.

I didn’t know that the hydration breaks were for the grass.

There are so many ways my life has drastically improved in my 30s, and one of my favorites is that I can now justify treating myself to a $6 candy bar every once in a while.

She is safe. Last night a fight broke out in front of her at Flo Rida and the entire crowd started to panic and she got into a close call with a crowd crush situation and her and her friends all got separated.

Waking up to a text from my sister that says “Things are really bad. We almost died. Trying to get to a safe location. Will let you know when we make it.” and then absolutely no follow up from there. 🫠

I think a long weekend on a spooky New England island with dark secrets would do me well.

The older I get, the harder it is to drink a beer on a school bus.

Parking enforcement is really on my ass lately. I haven’t gotten a parking ticket in like 5 years and now I just gotta fifth one in like three months.

Some of y’all’s baby’s nicknames are too forced and will not stick past these first few weeks.

What I wish people remembered about me is that I absolutely fckn hate being late.

10 years ago I befriended a group of women over Twitter and despite us having never met in person, these women understand me to my core and I’m grateful for them every day.

I regularly having people I work with (at a fully remote company) say that the way I talk about Milwaukee makes them want to visit, and I hold that as the highest compliment.

Anyone have dense woods I can use for 4-6 hours so I can host an enchanted forest party?

Preparing for my 1:1 with my manager by making sure I have accurate F to C conversions ready so I can make her understand how truly unbearable the weather is here right now.

Taking the pills that make an unrelenting monster with a straight shot of espresso to really ensure that I burn my life down today.

Wait, why the fuck haven’t I been going to Potawatomi to watch soccer at the sports book? So much wasted time.

Bosnia has a kid from Wisconsin and that banger song and you still expect me to cheer for the US? Absolutely not.

Being in your 30s is so fun because you don't care what people think about you so you start an exclusive daily podcast and send it to your friends every morning in time to enjoy with their first coffee of the day but also knowing damn well no one is listening to it at all.

“MILWAUKEE WAS THE FIRST MAJOR US CITY TO ELECT A SOCIALIST MAYOR” I shout into the void of Mamdani thirst trap TikToks

I’m so deeply unpleasant lately I’m truly starting to think it’s pathological.

I’m so desperately trying to have a Sunday Funday at Brady Street Pride that I’ve slammed six beers in an hour and a half and yet, no matter how much I drink, this is somehow the straightest thing I’ve done in my life. About ready to bail and head to Walker’s Pint.

“So I was playing ghost in the graveyard with my friends a couple nights ago…” -My 38 year old cousin

Last year at our family picnic there was lawn chair drama so my mom was just writing “Guida” on a bunch of lawn chairs to avoid it this year, to which I had to point out that 95% of all other attendees also have the last name Guida.

I’ve been listening (and crying) to a lot of Taylor Swift’s mid-tier 2024 double album The Torture Poets Department lately.

I’m at Summerfest in a sweatshirt and I’m cold. I have never in my life experienced this but I am so delighted. And still not as bad as when I saw Jason Isbell in the BMO stage that one June it was 40 degrees.

I’m laying in bed SOBBING over archival news footage from the day the Supreme Court made marriage legal for everyone. Obama might be a war criminal but he did give us some of that hope and change he promised.

The struggle no one talks about living as close to Target as I do is when I want to place a pickup order and the app is like “babe, you’re literally INSIDE me right now. What more do you want?”

I cried over a man tonight so I need to take a time out for a while. At least a few days.

For the first time in my life I’m doing something where there’s no line for the women’s room but the men’s room wraps around the block.

Bored, might fuck around and send an insane text message.

Is it Taylor Swift’s fault all my friends have started kissing each other? Everyone heard Ruin the Friendship and their takeaway was that if we don’t start kissing our friends, we’re going to start killing ourselves?

I'm pretty behind on my Pride top for Sunday so I know I'll be working on it at my extended family's lil party on Saturday and I just know my aunts will be spewing the most homophobic shit at me while watching me work on it.

I’m unable to sleep because I’m too busy having an imaginary argument in my head with a friend over something that does not matter and will not matter for at least three months.

Giannis Antetokounmpo Takes Out Full-Page Ad Thanking Bucks Fans For Not Eating Him https://bit.ly/4al1sqV

I struggled through work on this gloomy ass day and the minute I have time to take a nap, the sun comes out? Horseshit

Do we think I even stand a chance getting my top done before Brady Street Pride on Sunday?

I'm regularly shocked how many people are finding time to do first dates at coffee shops in the middle of the week.

Are you even a weather hobbyist if you aren’t constantly warning their friends that there is a chance they might get sucked off?

Have you considered Giannis left because he still hasn’t gotten over being snubbed at Bel Air?

Just a girl, whose anxiety has been very bad lately, hoping to have a patio beer tonight to help ease the burdens of the mind.

Really embarrassing going through a year's worth of messages with your extended cinematic friend group and laughing at old jokes everyone made and thinking to yourself "damn, we're funny."

Fireworks on a Monday? In this economy?

Why the fuck is WisDOT actively choosing violence today?

Texting every man I’ve ever had sex with Happy Father’s Day.

There’s a bartender at a bar I’m a regular at that every time he talks to me it’s like getting a glimpse of my personal future.

Truly nothing more humiliating than the McDonald’s in Tosa on North where they don’t have a speaker box, you just order face to face with some guy at a third window.

I’m picking up my groceries and this man keeps loading more and more into my trunk. What the fuck did I order??

Should I start a startup? It seems like all fun and games all the time.