had to mute the tv and cover up the reaction guy with a jacket to make this content watchable

where were you when you learned celebrities are just like us? i was in the belly of jacob elordi

i changed my baby’s name from Robert to Slug once it came out and I saw how weak and stupid it was

i made a new friend on the bus today! this never happens. (they said it was okay if i took their picture)

i listen to underground artists like mole, worm, rock

burp me, bitch

artist friend who compulsively shows you everything they make despite you never showing any interest

my version of punch buggy is called strangle toyota

That’s a really nice piece of game-changing artwork you made there. Only one problem: I could’ve thought of that.

I love you because we’re both victims of existence, and you’re sexy.

when the baby skeletal and the daddy plump 👀 #breastmilk

I’m training an AI on your ineffable essence

Ghosts, skeletons, spiders, ghouls… heh, sorry, you caught me listing off things I’d UNITE SEXUALLY with.

this is what joan rivers looks like now. feel old yet?

murderers have got to be kidding

Shouts outs to the ones who have no interiority to retreat to. You’re the real heroes

Calling my mom to tell her about how much my Youtube algorithm has improved

I pee for the length of an average Swans song. My stream has more mass appeal though.

No offense bro, but you’re a blight on this world and should be exterminated. And I mean this with love, but I hope time isn’t cyclical so you never manifest again in any form. Anyway, I’m going to McDonalds. Want me to get you anything?

Ok I’ll bite, what’s a “worm”

So you’re just gonna let an unknown entity hover around you and whisper evils into your mind? You used to be cool man

It’s important to recognize The Joker was once a white male college student. So please… treat these weak men with kindness and antipsychotic recommendations.

oh no, im chopped, and unc as well

im changing my underwear each hour performatively to attract a mate

putting on clothes for legal reasons

downloading an app that lets all my homies know when i change my underwear

this man blasts you (1/2) and you forever see the world like this (2/2)

some square art doodles i made recently. please view, like, share, follow, and more please

you had me at “om nom nom” but lost me entirely at “scrommy nommy nom”

a pizza problem i encountered today

ive mostly been eating things lately

My mom caught me begging people not to get political over voice in a call of duty lobby

The mole children and I have been hanging out in the tunnels under central park just shooting the shit and listening to the new Magdalena Bay singles (on repeat). They’re actually really cool and none of them want to meet you.

I fantasize about missionaries knocking on my door so I can dump the totality of my religious trauma onto them

you just telegraphed your surreptitious activity to the whole world via your omnipresent telepathy, foolish fr

Apologies Apple, none of your pregnant man emojis are esoteric enough for a revolutionary artist like me to use in my family group chat

You’re the first sickly creature seeking to enact revenge on their creator for bringing them into this world without purpose I’ve had sex with in a very, very long time.

You fell for my prank I reserve for the dumbest in the world. Being three years old is no excuse. Now get out from between those buns before you are eaten by the burger-loving giant, c’mon. Wow. You fell for that too. Giants don’t exist. For a dog that understands speech you sure are moronic.

my frat pranked the professors by replacing their mattresses with quicksand. worked a bit too well! #noteachersnotests #triedformurderinaredstate

I work at a jean greasing factory as the person that whips the people providing HR for the people greasing the jeans

am i the only one asking for three virginal pigs for non-nefarious reasons? y’all sick in the head

I drew 100 comics of my mom giving birth to me to try to remember if it was fun or scary for me

whoever said “anything is possible if you put your mind to it” has never tried doing the dishes!!!! 🤣 Having clinical depression can be lowkey crippling!!! 😅😅😅

When I learned at age six Santa was fictional, I was so mad. I was planning a trip to the north pole to make him my bitch

As a three year old, life was so mystifying. Now, at ten, I feel like I get everything, especially when it comes to the fiction of Santa Claus

we made a Duolingo for shitting oneself

your bitch is absolutely wonderful bro. i feel awful using sexist language against her, but you know how i was raised bro, and im fundamentally incurious too, cant face my past or toxic beliefs also, and im ugly and dumb too — that cant help

i broke my ribs with a bowling bowl to escape an engagement to see tron ares. deal with it, jared

i worked so hard, the fruits of my labor are gonna be called my bugs stuffed to the gills with fruit of labor

whats up broseph, mind if i shower you in lavish gifts? i fuck with your casual approach to life