Melania says Donald deserves a gold medal in sex, because he always finishes first.

Top GOP officials are watching the movie "Dave" and trying to decide if they could make it work.

#svengoolie Shouldn’t that song be called Svenfield?

#Svengoolie In honor of you snow plow campaign

#svengoolie “Dracula” roughly translates to “Son of the Dragon” That means the Lon Chaney Jr. vampire movie should have been called “The Son of the Son of the Dragon” which sounds like a Jimmy Buffet song if you ask me

#svengoolie Nobody wanted to share an Uber with the creepy Brit.

Who remembers?

Anyone called to testify before congress should have all of Pam Bondi’s “answers” from today transcribed and just parrot them back. If it’s OK for the AG, it’s OK for every other citizen.

If Pam Bondi was Dorian Gray, WTF must the portrait in her attic look like?

Ladies: When a man tells you you just need to calm down, it’s because A) You just caught him with your sister or B) He’s about to go back door.

Meet "Redacted". The national zoo's newest family member.

All of that crotch grabbing was disgusting and vulgar ~ Donald “I just walk right up to them and grab ‘em by the pussy, because I can.” Trump.

If you watch the Super Bowl on Telemundo, it‘s all in Spanish except the halftime show. Bad Bunny sang in English on Telemundo.

As the evening progresses, be sure to check in on your feeble minded friends and relatives who might lose their minds over a 20 minute halftime show in Spanish. It takes a village to protect the village idiots from themselves

#svengoolie Carla can’t be the Gorgon. She’s not hideous. She’s a stone cold fox!

#svengoolie Megaera: “Book him Dano”

#Svengoolie It was horrible! The most horrible thing I’ve ever seen. That’s coming from someone who’s seen “Leonard Part 6”

#Svengoolie The Gorgon works at the local pizza place here in town. I think her powers have diminished over the years because so far after seeing her several times, only my arteries are hardening

#svengoolie on Batman, only Alfred knew that Batgirlwas actually Barbra Gorgon

#svengoolie. Don’t you just hate it when the new negate into those Gregorian Chant CDs

#svengoolie Five minutes into this movie and we know why they don’t talk about Bruno

#svengoolie Is it true the ELO song “Turn to Stone” was inspired by this movie?

#Svengooli From the folks that brought you Goof-Off, it the all purpose, crime scene cleaning solution Gorgon (aka Gore Gone) BuBuBuBuBulbhead!

Preorder yours now!

Imagine thinking "Oye Como Va" isn't an all time rock classic because it's not sung in English.

So far today we’ve gone from sunny to complete cloud cover to hail to dense fog. By the end of the day I wouldn’t be surprised by toads falling from the sky, locusts and a chunk of blue ice crashing through the roof.

I’m not saying he’s all over the documents but if Trump’s last name was Lee, the Epstein files would read like the Beijing phone book.

One of the plus sides of the whole Melania movie debate going on, is that it provides me with ample opportunity to block a bunch of Russian bots without having to go looking for them.

One of the plus sides of the whole Helen of Troy debate going on, is that it provides me with ample opportunity to block a bunch of racist assholes without having to go looking for them.

Too bad characters like Jack Reacher, Orphan X and The Grey Man aren’t real. It’d be nice to hand them the Epstein files and turn them loose.

Trying to log in on a different device and after typing the password, it tells me "Rate Limit Exceeded". What does that mean?

He didn't keep the receipt, so he had to keep her.

Neither the images nor the concept for this are mine “Grok, make her beautiful by contemporary standards”

Anyone think Donald Trump won’t claim political bias as the reason ”Melania” doesn’t get nominated for an Oscar? He’ll threaten to have the Academy investigated. Then sue them and the network that carried the show. Then, to make him happy, the Golden Globes will give her a lifetime achievement award

Rob Schneider blames third failed marriage on liberal bias.

A modern retelling of “A Tale of Two Cities“ It was the worst of times. Seriously, things were completely fucking bad.

Well, look, this has obviously been a very fluid and fast-moving situation throughout the weekend. ~ Karoline Leavitt Fluid. Like the explosive diarrhea that spews from her mouth, every time she opens it.

An update of a Sci-fi/horror classic

But how can we move him? Play that song from Titanic! #svengoolie

I can put him to sleep! How? Play that #svengoolie stand up Comedy album!

#svengoolie Telling people to “remain calm an don’t panic“ is like telling your wife “promise you won’t be angry“7

#svengooli the King King suit make the Godzilla suit look real