My biggest fear in life is driving a tire into that hole in the ground at the oil change place.

Make you watch a 4min propaganda reel before you take their “public” survey 🙃 Then casually ask “should immigrants be denied access to govt programs?” Classic UCP: wrap xenophobia in folksy nonsense & call it “listening to Albertans.” Tell them to shove it up their saddles: albertanextpanel.ca

Personally I think if the automatic doors shut in your face walking into the office, you should get to go home for the day.

“Fooled me once, you can’t get fooled again”

Starting a war bc nobody went to his birthday.

me: I need something to take my mind off things right now. universe: how about the threat of nuclear wartime? me:

Trump leaving the G7 early is like the kid who went to sleep away camp and made their parents come pick them up the first night.

Prediction of Trump at the G7: Kananasticks… Kananaskips? Kanka… what a name! What a name. Canadians, they have very strange names, very strange. I said to the guide, I said, ‘Is this even English?’ He says it’s Indigenous. I said, ‘So is Liz Warren,’ you know, Pocahontas, and we all had a laugh.

Let me get this straight: the ucp government has banned windmills in certain areas to protect the viewscapes of the same mountains they now want to mine for coal. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Greta Thunberg should win the Nobel prize

Nothing has convinced me that politics has become show business more than the media covering the Trump-Elon breakup 24/7 when they could literally report on *gestures broadly* ANYTHING ELSE GOING ON IN THE WORLD!!!

"YOU WANNA BUY A SLIGHTLY USED TESLER?!"

It’s not “sudden death” overtime so much as it’s “gradual emotional damage” overtime. #LetsGoOilers

“WHY isNt ThERE a STRaight PriDe pARADe 😩” There was. It was in Ottawa and they blockaded a downtown and harassed residents for like 3 weeks. 0/10 NO NEED FOR ANOTHER

When it happens, they should let out puffs of orange smoke from the White House chimney.

Well, I guess I have to let go of my secret dream of becoming a billionaire and buying Taylor's masters and gifting them back to her as a way of making her be my friend.

Does anyone want to start a podcast with me where we go out and find old answering machine tapes and listen to the messages and then make up stories about the context? We can call it, "After the beep"...

It sure would be nice if Danielle Smith and the UCP were as interested in protecting kids from measles as they are about protecting them from books that they've never even seen or had access to.

Someone who doesn’t even know me well just wrote, "you're wonderful!" in an email to me and now I'm crying in case you're wondering how things are going.

I know this is morbid, but I hope beyond hope that the fetus inside Adriana Smith does not make it to birth. They will use this as justification for using dead womens' bodies to harvest babies.

Maybe they’re just filming a new govt funded reality tv show: “Big Brother, Bigger Conflict of Interest” Or “Love It or Lease It (From Mraiche’s Sister)”

New tenants incoming on my patio! 🐣

PSA: That ice breaker game “2 truths and a lie” is a lot more fun if you just tell 3 lies.

Ottawa-area unemployed man criticizes Mark Carney's cabinet picks.

The best and worst thing about being an adult is that you can have an ice cream sandwich for lunch.

Really hope the new pope chooses the name Popey McPopeface.

*Record Scratch* You're probably wondering how I got here. Well, it all started when...

Someone’s ending the campaign in Calgary which I think says a lot!

Question for the ladies: Who would you rather have as a PM? Pp or A bear 🧸

If you don't want people to think you killed the pope, then simply do not meet with the pope hours before his death. Follow me for more great tips!

Me: sorry Kona, dogs can’t vote. Kona:

Blanchet's vibe is giving Quebecois Grandpa Simpson

Every time Poilievre speaks I have the same reaction I would have if a bird shit in my drink.

If I ever got to ask a question at a leaders' debate, I would ask the candidates to accurately list the birthdates of their wife and kids and also their wedding anniversary.

DEBATE PREDICTION: everyone will declare the leader they like better as the winner

ucp caucus will kick you out for demanding transparency and accountability, but not for comparing trans kids to feces. cool cool.

I wonder if Guthrie looks good in orange.

I wonder if poilievre’s campaign has considered that bragging about crowd size at rallies could majorly backfire. It’s just gonna give extra motivation and fear to the #NeverPoilievre crowd to get out and vote and vote strategically to make sure he doesn’t win.

DOES CORY BOOKER GET TO GO TO THE BATHROOM? How does that work?!

Danielle “everybody but me is lying” Smith. www.ctvnews.ca/calgary/arti...

If you don’t do this with your Girl Guide cookies, you are wrong.

If they can’t run a campaign how can anyone expect they’ll be able to run a country? www.cbc.ca/news/politic...

One of these things is just like the other

I hate that we’re all sitting around trying to decipher the tone of trump’s tweets like some girl who finally got a text back from her date from 4 days ago. 😐

Reminder: This is who is running Poilievre’s campaign.

Warning signs you’re in an abusive relationship. They: put you down. dominate conversations. check up excessively. suggest they are the victim. try to isolate you from others. act like they own or are entitled to you. lie to make themselves look good. 🇨🇦 out ✌️

I grew up in this riding, in Munster Hamlet! I just donated too. Hope Bruce Fanjoy takes Pierre's seat.. he's done nothing for his constituents.

Just imagine what's being said in the groupchat they created to talk about how they accidentally included a journalist in the groupchat.