Also i got married, we eloped. It's great, but my mental health is still shit or shit again or always has been shit and I feel extra guilty about it

Im hungry

So ive been failing at recovery but luckily! I have adhd and my gw is a deadline so. Last minute turnaround in 9.8lbs i mean ill keep slowing myself down and trying to eat more but I can do it when the pressure is real idk

I highlighted everything i related to chat should I get tested 🫩 what if they take away my adhd meds 🥲

I'm 99% sure I have POTS and i have thought that for a couple years but I am so scared to get tested i cannot do tilt tables i vomit or pass out its like torture there's gotta be another way

110

This job is ill suited to someone actively restricting

I keep wanting to throw up so im going slow and taking breaks but im doing the whole orchard it might take days lmaoooooo whatever I need weed money and I can keep anything I find in here. Mainly lemons.

Send help im hauling lemon branches today 😭

Yeah I'm doing a summer theme i got heatstroke today in April I can call it summer all I want

For my next trick I wont explain that im tracking again

Thanks ladies

Mirrored sunglasses so if anyone asks what my problem is I don't have to say anything

Why is it so hard to recover this time?? Did I ever actually recover or did I just binge freely 🤨

Usually th1nsp0 does nothing for me lately im like so scared of it im like oh Jesus we're all dying oh fuck like I knew that but I didnt feel it idk

I'm such a drama king it feels like glacially paced gastic emptying, anemia, a permanent sense of dread, nightmares about my body decaying, and utter loneliness not nothing 🙄

Can y'all remind me this is not too much 🫩🫩🫩🫩 i know it's not but idk when it's just me I congratulate myself for everything and I can't recover that way lmao

I think my stomach ulcer might be back it feels like it 😕 I have to stop drinking 80oz of coffee and day 🙃

My fiance said I look so good but I feel so sick and now I realize I'm so alone in this

I could wear a sign that said "please help me please this is not a joke I'm so fucking scared" and people would just walk around me

Im almost the size i would have done anything to be last year and it feels like nothing 💀 its just a hollow what now

I feel so awkward venting lately bc like I want to recover but food is so gross and I try to eat a lot and I don't pass 1k and I keep losing weight like this is all exactly what I worked for 💀 I feel so fucking stupid

I have to recover when I hit my gw and i am so dreading that what if I gain 10lbs to buy some time or is that crazy 😅 I am Not lowering my gw I know where that leads and I'm not actually suicidal anymore so. Fuck.

This is the best thing ever and it's 100 calories (with 1/2 a bottle of protein)??? I shook the protein into cold foam it tastes like vanilla ice cream

All my heart does is beat too hard and lie to me

I started therapy, deleted most of my social media where irls can contact me, finally started getting more arm hair from T, took 54mg of ritalin, and found coffee concentrate on sale so aside from the profound realization that I've procrastinated all grief AND healing in my life I'm doing okay.

Its so weird I can suddenly see the weight loss bc of the boxer band. If these were different boxers idk if I would see it 💀 i am bmi 23 now my goal is 14lbs away why does it feel lik3 I havent started losing yet?????

It's crazy how many manipulative evil men people are dealing with all the time. I dated a lot of men and a lot of them were dicks but never smart enough to be evil I feel like I dodged a bullet

Adhd boredom got so bad for a minute I wanted to do a crime and get arrested just for the novelty. A couple days in jail would be fun for me actually I think and that really says something about my life rn

Y'all got any recovery youtube channels or books I can "buy" a pdf of or something i think my recovery method of "just dont think about it" has its limits and I dont think I actually know wtf recovery even is

I'm honestly just about happy with my weight i just dont want to stop dieting and this is what happened last time I hit my lw I wasn't even aiming that low I just get so stuck and pls I cannot have that happen again

I'm doing great in every way except with food in which I'm doing very badly

I feel so stupid I want to recover so bad but now that I want it its so hard???

My daily average over the past six weeks is about 500 and I feel like shit but I also feel completely fine bc it's only six weeks and mentally im not fixated on ed stuff

I'm getting so bad I'm freaking the fuck out tbh 💀 im completely out of control

having side effects of an ed without being skinny is just humiliating

I think my wl is triggering my fiancé's ed 🙃 or something im doing is. I really try not to trigger him we basically never talk about eds and I never tell him how bad mine is but like he's totally getting worse and I feel horrible 🙃

Oh boy more coffee and I found out I was over estimating it this whole thing is only 114 cals? Granted theres a lot of ice but still. 240 total yesterday, 40 hours into a liquid fast. Im sorry im not active i really am trying to get better its just so hard to stop logging 🫠

Spending all my food money on weed ngl but at least the sun is freee

Im on some bullshit today lol (120)

All the weedwhacking i did paid off (in money, but money = weed sometimes)

My stomach hurts lmao shocker everyone gather around breaking fucking news

Guys pls watch i know im stoned but this is so funny tome

Cheesy eggs and potatoes (450) and not pictured larabar (220)

Busting out the big guns (grape ape) to break this fast bc I wanna have the munchies

Getting back on meds feels amazing. Testosterone ✅️ Birth control implant ✅️ Adhd meds... check on that tomorrow 🤞

Limiting myself to a 24 hour fast and only 1 energy drink today. I guess I've gotten pretty bad? 24 hours seems pointless and 800 calories sounds insane I think my perception is really off.

870 yesterday. I really think the fasting is starting to have an effect on me. My fingernails are a mess, I'm so tired and cold all the time. Idk if im fasting enough to have side effects like that? Seems dramatic. I am a huge sissy about things.

Sorry for coming on here and being weird and leaving. Really struggling to interact with anyone lately. I can't tell if im ever acting normal or not so I isolate. Does it help? No</3

2lbs away from a healthy bmi and it seems further away than ever before