The neighbor kids I grew up with believed there was an actual organ called the “fart box.”

Anyone else in nyc having issues with your gas stove? I can hardly boil water. It took 1/2 hour to make a pot of coffee.

Let me just state: Argentina is bad.

I tried to engage my kids on a fun chat about Plato v. Aristotle and it ended with near tears. Sorry family. I’m terrible.

Even tho Beck is a Scandinavian and a douchebag (like me), I struggle to like him. I wish I could blame Scientology, but I think that’s the least if it. Something else then.

Didn’t they keep Ariel Sharon alive for like 14 years? Mitch could do a couple more terms.

Bald guy hanging out with the Grenadian cricket players has a straight-up dyed-black hitler mustache. 🇬🇩 ▪️

With regard to professional soccer players, it’s nice to know that if it came to a physical confrontation, I could easily beat them by touching them on the foot.

These Argentine freaks have a player named Tío Almohada. (Uncle Pillow.)

The Swiss should do a RO! -style chant. I recommend “(boom boom) sctitch scritch scritch.” (watch-winding sounds.) 🇨🇭

Norge er død, Vive la France! 🇳🇴 🇫🇷

Beklager, Norge vant ikke.

What’s that board they hold up with two numbers on it?

I made the popular carrot tarte tatine on the internet. It was good but I should have used 1.5x the carrots, and 1.5 the onions. I burned the shit out of my finger, and it took about 3x the estimated time. SMH.

I had a “very funny” pun-based tweet two days ago that o forgot to post. Tears in the rain I guess.

I think I figured it out, the UFO stuff is all fake.

Mermaid parade 2026

When Alex Chilton sings Take Care, that is not an an accent that exists anywhere else on earth.

“Get off Maillard!” 50 easy recipes for angry divorced boomers. (?)

I’m worried about this Tony Blundetto, worried that he may do unsanctioned things that are not necessarily in our best interests.

Crazy that Norway has to beat England, Argentina and then France, in that order. But here we go. 🇳🇴

I’ll move into that collapsing building, if they give me a deal.

This morning I woke up laughing at the most brilliant and funny joke. The punchline was “Frank Herbert says “Super Dune”!” It was so well composed and the wordplay was so bright that I figured I must have stolen it from somewhere. But I googled it and didn’t find anything.

I arrive in the dusty frontier town, the innkeeper tells me the area is controlled by two feuding sides: the Rojo brothers and the Baxters. I decide to take play them against each other for my own benefit. I stroll into the streets to issue my first challenge and immediately throw up due to anxiety

I won’t root against Mexico, but I’d sure like to watch Norway beat England in the quarterfinals.

Norway seems to be controlling the game. 🇳🇴 🇧🇷

Mermaid Parade

101 year old mermaid!

The last few days I swear I’ve been having trouble getting my gas stove hot enough. What the

I am the ghost Of the little puppy named Muffin That ate tinsel off the Christmas tree. The children cried, As the pup died, Bleeding Internally! #Killdozer

I was listening to some Buddhist stuff and someone mentioned a tenth-level bodhisattva, and I wondered “how many hit points”??

Sometimes an AR accent sounds like an AL one to me. I’m sorry for being so dumb.

I keep picking at my cyst, and it’s starting to open up. Like a fine wine.

Evil, fascist, arguably insane, but lets not leave out: really fucking dumb www.cnn.com/2026/07/02/u...

I saw you at Rudy’s

Literally nobody but J could make this shot.

Two of the world’s great fascist powers about to battle it out on the pitch!

I bought some herring on the assumption that I would eat it for breakfast. Turns out I’m really not in the mood for herring at 8am.

@carlquintanilla.bsky.social made me laugh out loud with his follow-ups to Kevin Hassett today. Good stuff.

Mermaid Parade 2026

Knock it off you jerks. Have some dignity. Mitch McConnell just wants to die alone, and take the whole country with him.

Welp, lookout Brazil, I guess!

Norway should call 45 minutes of time outs and run out the clock.

There’s some universe where D. Boon is still alive.

Come on Morocco, beat these Dutch freaks.

My strategy is to cook with a lot of onions. That way, when I have BO, people will just think it’s my delightful cooking.

See here’s why I think Norway should have won the France game: because now if they beat Côte d’Ivoire, then they have to beat Brazil next. Which is a daunting prospect.

In about second grade there was this new kid, Lane B. He pronounced “barber shop” as “barber sop,” and that has bothered me for a long time. I never heard him change sh into s any other time. Just that once.

I’m worried that Norway may not win the World Cup. Then again, they probably will.