Hookup who also works a 9-5 messaged me to chide me for being on Grindr during work hours

How do I get in with the elderly Albanian men in my neighborhood who spend all day at cafes drinking espresso and seltzer and smoking cigarettes

On a related note, happy Take Me Apart Tuesday! Stream Take Me Apart!

Link in Tears of the Kingdom pointedly ignoring the strange melancholy he feels over no longer needing to dress up as a woman to enter Gerudo Town

Every Tuesday I want to skeet "Happy Time Theft Tuesday" but then every Tuesday I'm too busy/having too much time doing time theft and I forget. So anyway Happy Time Theft Wednesday

And yet a trace of the true self exists in the false self

Probably wise for men to avoid me or at least tread very carefully from 1-3pm just in case it happens to be a Reverse Gremlin Day

There are many ways in which I am an old man but a big one is my penchant for an early dinner followed by a brisk walk

Sorry to be controversial but: I disagree with Microsoft OneDrive's position that "ascending" alphabetical order is A->Z. I would argue A is more intuitively at the "top" of the alphabet and Z is at the "bottom." Just my 2 cents thanks

Responded to this man’s Mother’s Day post with a 😍 and he made a joke about her becoming my mother-in-law

22 year old on Grindr asked if I'm "into younger" and tbh I might just lean in at this point, like that 30 Rock episode where Jack lets Pizzarina Sbarro feed him soup

My gym was giving away these free lemon-scented shower oil samples and I think I used it wrong bc I feel like a branzino ready for the grill

Loading screen tip: “Despite the name, eyebrow scissors can be used to trim all kinds of things. Get creative!”

Kinda funny that "liminal" is essentially just a synonym for "eerie" now

Me: "what a nice photo I just took! Now to send it to–" My phone: "that guy you went on two dates with like a month ago, right? 🙂"

Journal's website has listed the status of our manuscript as "Decision in Process" for four days now 👉👈

Wait a minute... you're telling me it's not detectives who investigate sheep-related crimes... but rather detectives who are themselves sheep?? Game changer omg

Set a 10 minute timer and my phone gave me a “smart recommendation” of “you can ask Siri to change it to 15 minutes.” Like yeah I suppose I could

Walked past a man having a loud coughing fit and as it ended he cheerfully sang to himself 🎶 dying, slowly dying 🎶

Learned a gentleman I've been casually seeing was raised Mormon and is also a full decade older than I thought and so many pieces of the puzzle suddenly clicked into place

“It must be acknowledged” is one of my favorite writing crutches. It:

THE ODYSSEY (2026) is a discourse powder keg. So many discourse variants threatening to converge into one terrifying hybrid megadiscourse

I bit my tongue when they pushed it from 90 minutes to two hours. But now May's session is supposed to be THREE hours and that is simply a bridge too far

I love gay guys: the wind blew over a sandwich board outside a cafe I was walking by and I heard a voice inside whine "not thisssss"

Haha soooooo funny story about this,

Not that it matters but my inner pedant is wondering: can something be considered a cult classic if it was a box office success when it came out?

Why did I wake up with “Can’t Fight the Moonlight” by LeAnn Rimes, international chart-topper and theme song to the 2000 cult classic “Coyote Ugly,” firmly stuck in my head

This man just cockblocked himself by doubling down instead of simply apologizing for flaking last time. Masterful gambit there sir

Not sure the temp of this take but: I do not see the appeal of frozen grapes. Less flavorful and they hurt my teeth :(

Complaining about my little final papers to my friend who’s studying for the last of 6 anesthesiology certifying exams

Forced an issue, got an answer I already knew but didn't want

Highly relevant to my interests since she said this back in 2024 as advice for me, specifically

Hard to know what anyone's even mad about anymore

Neither here nor there but I made really fab cocktails back before I stopped drinking. Just a funny little twinge of wistfulness about that

Freaking out about how much I have to do in the next 36 hours but reminding myself I managed to write my whole undergrad thesis in a weekend (got an A, a cash prize, and graduated magna cum laude)

Every time I see a Sprinter van I think "omg the Real Housewives have come to Queens, for some reason"

How do I professionally tell my coworker "no I cannot just drop everything to proofread our pointless internal newsletter and it's kind of insulting that you'd ask me to"

All too accustomed to Republicans being evil and stupid but I'll admit I'm a little surprised at just how pathetic this whole ballroom thing is

I am 34 years old and it seems I am the only person from my college class who did not run a half marathon this past weekend

Just noticed that somewhere along the way our elderly faculty stopped calling me "kiddo" and switched over to "big guy"

Every song in Mother Mary made me think "hm I could just be listening to MAGDALENE instead"

Had to wait several minutes for my drip coffee since I was behind a few strawberry matcha lattes and a sinister Boomer energy began to take root in my soul

Something I've long wondered about: when filming "POV" clips does the guy just have a GoPro strapped to his forehead?

Is "waking up one day and realizing your handwriting has come to look exactly like your mother's" a common gay guy thing or is it just me

If there were a news story about my alarming work absenteeism I don't know that my response would be to announce "I am willing to spend untold hours litigating this"

Evolutionary psychology on the whole is junk (all its hypotheses are inherently impossible to prove or disprove) but people love using it to give a scientific-sounding gloss to "boys are from Mars, girls are from Venus"

@ Zohran I have an idea for a new law: it's fining people one billion dollars each time they don't pick up their dog's shit

Why do u have an admin assistant to help with scheduling if u ALSO have a private personal calendar she can't access?? How is that supposed to work❓❓

My neighbor's cooking makes the whole building smell amazing but this never happens when I cook and ngl I'm a little insecure about getting #aromamogged

Would anyone like to join me in some good old-fashioned procrastinating? It feels amazing, I promise