A friend of mine keeps insisting I read it specifically for the prose but it must be noted that he’s also a Sw*ftie

"Ohhh it stands for Cell-Based Therapy, sure" -Me after staring brow furrowed at a work email for several seconds

Conversely, told a man I wouldn't be spoken to that way

I get that people have always suffered for fashion but choosing to make your phone bulkier with a figurine or a decorative chunky case is so incomprehensible to me

"Post you from a different era" me in 400 years after I've used profane necromancy to become the dread lich Benjamin the Blasphemer :)

Yeah no I mean it's frustrating for sure but I think maybe you should take a couple deep breaths man

Can't say how universal this experience is but every biostatistician I have interacted with has had more or less this energy

Drinking a Cherry Coke Zero at 9:36pm even though it has 34mg of caffeine!! I don’t give a FUCK!!!!

In our first apartment after college we had a rooftop party (in July, in New York, so it was ~85°) and our friend brought premixed White Russians in a plastic water bottle lol

Used the "dislike" react in the group chat, no more Mr. Nice Benj

“The Power of Love” by Celine Dion coming on at the laundromat is something that can be so personal and so healing

Master has my pathetic tofu locked up

Quite a feat that Bari Weiss has managed to brand herself as a brave heterodox iconoclast despite always coming to the conclusion of "the status quo is good, actually"

Vendor at the holistic wellness street fair is selling twee baseball hats with “eldest daughter” and “traumatized” embroidered on them lol

Had the passing thought of "ehhh if I weren't insecure about that I'm sure I would just be insecure about something else" and suddenly a lot of things clicked into place for me

This guy’s pillow talk went on foreverrrr and was mostly a belabored yet vague plot summary of The Boys……… might have to put “sorry not into masc” in my profile

Okay drag me U.S. Census Bureau American Community Survey.............

Cafe on the corner got rid of its patio ash tray because too many non-customers were using it so now everyone just tosses cigarette butts in their tree bed. A very American parable

Saw a flattened roach, rat and pigeon on my walk to the office from the subway which feels like a particularly morbid little New York bingo

Not sure I see the savvy in releasing a diss track that just plays into the target’s brand while reinvigorating her expired album cycle

My barber did something really inspiring today that I think more people should emulate (he called me "beautiful" and "handsome" and said I have a "perfect head shape")

The class consciousness and environmentalism leaving my body when Blank Space comes on in the grocery store

Fair play correcting the right wing journalist, but I have to confess it’s hard for me to enjoy a political culture whose main point of consensus is that it should be illegal to use federal funds to treat people who are injured or sick and happen to have the wrong immigration status.

Woman on the train with a wolf cut and a septum piercing wearing a t-shirt that says “I Like Lucy Dacus” oh I’m sure

🗣️DON'T 🗣️YOOOOOOU LIKE 🗣️ME FOOOOOR ME 🎸🎸🎸 🗣️ISTHEREANY BET-TER FEE-LING THAN 🗣️ COMING CLEAN 🎸🎸🎸

I got dragged to Walmart a lot as a 10-year-old in 2002 and I really can't see how that nostalgia bait AI slop would evoke anything other than boredom or mild irritation

They also make a suspiciously big deal about never using seed oils 🤨🤨🤨

Are gay couples from Montreal as likely to be open as gay couples from NYC? (Quick bc their flight back is this afternoon)

One really sexy and alluring thing about me is how much stew I eat

Texting my dear friend of 15 years “omg did you see that Hades 2 came out?? Btw, about me coming to your wedding today,”

Decided to be wild and reckless and run my little errands in a bold-colored tee I found buried in my dresser (it's mustard yellow)

Pharmacist told me I could take Tylenol if the flu and covid shots made me sore and I asked if I could take something else but I meant it in a "I only have Advil at home" way not a weird political way omg

I voted for Harris and I don't believe there was any compelling reason not to but does anyone seriously think you'll win back non-voters by sneering "told ya so" at them??

An older woman on the train kept sliding her hand up the pole so it bumped into mine and eventually I got tired of moving so we were just lightly touching. But then she started to stroke with her index finger 😨😨😨

In college the topic of my freshman writing seminar was “The History of the Apocalypse” and it was suuuuper boring for one big, obvious reason

I can't make fun of dogs for always checking spots where they found food once bc I found a loose $20 in my grocery store's ATM a couple months ago and guess what I do every time I go to the grocery store

25% class participation grade so we’re all just cooking up bullshit in the replies to each other’s forum posts

Is he... y'know... a fan of Hades?

Video game loading screen tip:

I get irrationally rankled by those “SMILE YOU’RE ON CAMERA” signs!! I find no joy or whimsy in the surveillance state!!

This bathroom stole my look kinda

Hosting a highly esteemed researcher for work and we passed the host of MTV's Catfish on the street (this one) so I asked if she had heard of it (she had not) and I felt like one of those entertainment reporters asking Liam Neeson if he owns a Labubu

More and more industries finally taking a stand. Glad the tide seems to be turning at last!!

I don't think pointing out the fascists' 'hypocrisy' is a good use of time. It's not hypocrisy, it's hierarchy. They actually do believe that they have the right and obligation to dominate you because they are superior to you. They are using their power not being hypocritical.

Sometimes I ❤️ flirty skeets between oomfs because I'm seconding the flirting but sometimes it's because I'm channeling her

I know I don't have an MD but it's still not nice to hear "the reviewers' comments were so minimal even YOU could've handled the revision" 🥲🥲🥲

One fascinating anthropological thing about masculinity is that men often go into a bathroom stall, stand to pee, and then sit down for the rest of their visit

Seeing Soccer Mommy tonight and fondly reminiscing on the year Spotify Wrapped cooked me with this

The only charger that would (mostly) reliably connect to my decrepit iPhone 12 is starting to give out

Can I have your heart in a plastic box? Never used, fully clean, untouched Like I’m the only one you’ll ever love