That feeling when my phone vibrates so I check who's messaged me and instantly feel seen, wanted, and loved. ❤️

As a man who recently survived a terrible illness (the common cold) and was knocking on death's door (spent alot of time in bed and complaining to friends online), I have to say that bravery takes many forms (I'm back at work and miss my bed.)

I look back to my wooden son, Sneedery, and think: "Can a man truly be a good father to what amounts to no more than a bunch of sticks nailed together?" No, no I think not. I am not to blame for him murdering me repeatedly, it's in his nature.

Inside of me there are four dogs. Tony Knives is my daily driver. Piss: The Dog is reserved for fancy dress parties.

If it's bad for your eyes to stare at the sun, then how come I can now see the sun everywhere I look? Checkmate.

You know that feeling when you get up from a one hour nap that lasted two hours and feel like you wasted part of your evening? Yeah, me neither, extra nap is extra good. High five!

Ngl, I am not a social media user and often forget this account exists. The word of the week is "Flidindle." You may use my word, but you must provide your own definition.

I finished reading The Spirit Bares its Teeth by @ajwhiteauthor.bsky.social today. Such a hauntingly beautiful story that would have me brought to tears one moment, then frothing at the mouth in anger the next. I really enjoyed it. Will have to add more of his books to my ever growing reading list 😅

"This isn't what it looks like!" I shout, embarrassed. I'm sitting on the floor dressed in a cheap Batman outfit, kissing my teddy bear who's dressed as the Joker. Tea party forgotten. It is indeed what it looks like.

Me every ten seconds when I'm allowed to talk for too long with no clear goal and without interruption.

If you know, you know. This is my favorite spooky season meme I've seen this year. Might be time to watch a good old fashioned romantic horror.

Wouldn't you folks prefer to be lied to by a handsome moose such as myself? I'll even tell you that your book idea is really good!

I wonder if Batman has a flap on his suit for ball itch. Imagine you're running across rooftops and all of a sudden your coin purse has an episode. Is this man stripping half naked on top of an apartment building at 3AM to give his family jewels the ol pinch and roll?

Just a little reminder in case anyone has forgotten 😘

The tastiest of juices always come with a warning label. Life is unfair...

Me when someone at WORK approaches me and asks me to do something related to my JOB while I'm busy zoning out staring at the open field across the parking lot wondering if there's enough room for CTHULHU to take a nice nap.

⚠️SPICY WARNING!⚠️ Actual footage of me bathing 😜😈

When the interdimensional horror destroying the town and I make accidental eye contact

Around 3AM I woke up to loud chanting outside of my window (in Latin?). I looked to the foot of my bed and see my dog slowly rising to the ceiling in a cloud of shadows. I couldn't get a good picture because all the lights and electronics in the house were freaking out but it was so adorable ❤️

@devonagainst.bsky.social is possibly my favorite modern artist. Go listen. youtu.be/00_7tc6-e54

IMPORTANT: THIS IS NOT A MEME Look at this badass moth I had the pleasure of meeting a couple of weeks ago. Dapper as Dan

It's Monday which means the fun times have ended and we must all make our weekly sacrifices to Neahwaem the Corruptor, Bringer of Devastation

Good thing everyone likes me... Right?

When someone tells not to eat the delicious free silica gel that came with my brand new Sketchers Shape Up 2.0s

Welcome to Moose Monday Photographer unknown The photo is of the European moose

Me omw to tell your dad that he looks pretty today

Sometimes, late at night, my dog will whisper Dark Secrets into my ear as I cry. It's pretty neat 🙂

Hi