I always use hand sanitizer before I pick my nose because I have the smarts.

“You're solid gold, I'll see you in hell”

Justin, this is exactly why I didn’t want to take you to Hersheypark! Don’t you ever scare me like that again! @jokeherr.bsky.social

Just, no.

“Oh, you’re so cool, Brewster!”

“Who puts fifty tons of shit on the Foreign Office roof?”

I just finished watching The Life of Chuck. What a wonderful film! I can’t believe it only made $12 million at the box office, but it goes to show you that box office returns, positive or negative, don’t mean shit.

The Producers (1967) is one of the few films where I can look at screenshots and laugh my ass off.

The Shining is a 4th of July movie.

Pardon my language, but this heat is 100% booty.

Yes, please! 1000x yes! I know this has been talked about for decades, so I’m hoping this time it comes to fruition.

I just saw this, and I immediately started crying. No, I never met him and had no direct connection to him, but that’s the power of the art he left behind. Pet Sounds will get many spins from me this week. I’ll also re-watch a film I feel is criminally overlooked, Love & Mercy (2014).

Breaking News: Brian Wilson has died

ChatGPT kept losing chess to an Atari 2600, but it did come up with excuses as to why it lost.

If these immigrants that are being arrested for deportation are no-good criminals that contribute nothing to our country, why is ICE targeting their workplaces?

Banning THC edibles from adults is the very definition of Big Government. Congratulations, Texas Republicans. The Big Government stink is all over your shit party.

So excited cuz I’m finally firing up Doom: The Dark Ages! Let’s see how this goes…

This may be the best YouTube comment ever written.

You motherfuckers need to chill the fuck out.

I just told my dog that Steve Winwood sucks and he agreed with me.

It makes no sense to me that so many people waste lots of energy complaining about a TV show or film they say they have no intention of ever watching because “it sucks.” Great. Go get laid or do something else constructive with your time. Just shut the fuck up already.

Tell me you’ve never had an orgasm without actually saying it. www.dallasobserver.com/news/texas-l...

I’ve only watched episode 1, but The Studio on AppleTV starring Seth Rogen is perfectly cast from top to bottom. So damn funny.

Chuck Schumer, John Fetterman, Catherine Cortez Masto, Dick Durbin, Brian Schatz, Gary Peters, Kirsten Gillibrand, Maggie Hassan, Jeanne Shaheen, Angus King: go fuck yourselves, you spineless shit pile fascist enablers. The stink of this administration is on you now too. Good luck with that.

If I paid him $12,500 to be his assistant for the day, does that come with a shot of penicillin?

Photos from President Zelensky’s meeting with Trump and Vance.

FUCK. NO. They should send them to the gallows for even attempting this disgusting shit.

What the hell is happening at the White House these days?

If Musk would like my SSN and bank account info, all he has to do is ask me...at a 30-minute in-person meeting at a neutral site, inside a locked room with just the 2 of us, and with no way to open the door except from the inside.

Hey, you’re doing the exact opposite of helping. Go fuck yourself, Senator Hills Have Eyes. @johnfetterman.com

"I will tell you, when I go back home to Texas, I am somewhat regularly asked by Texans, 'Should we abolish the FBI?'" -Ted Cruz You are so full of shit, Turd Cruz, and I seriously doubt this has ever happened, much less "somewhat regularly." However, you are a total dickhead, somewhat regularly.

Yesterday, I read a few articles about a push to end school lunch programs in public schools. Apparently, high school students should be working their way through high school instead of “sponging off the government.” That’s plain evil, and I’m sad anyone actually supports that garbage line of

Anyone else sense a pattern? - Suck at something (everything?) - Pay for someone to not suck, then take credit for it. - Lie about it. - When exposed, double-down and then use your platform to go after them. - Once you can no longer lie, half-ass admit to it, but never apologize. - Rinse, repeat.

Go fuck yourself, sugar tits.

I want you all to know that my nails are trimmed and I am generally well-groomed.

Based on the picture, I assume they will tell you to stop spreading your legs to anyone and everyone.

Puck enjoyed the snow this morning!

Y’all just inaugurated a shit stain of an administration. Hope that works out for you like you thought it would when you voted for it. Spoiler alert: It fucking won’t. So yeah, take this is as a preemptive “I told you so” for the entirety of the next 4 years, ya rubes.

Billionaire trash. I hope if and when we get out of this mess, the technology is there to banish all of them to one of those General Zod Phantom Zone mirrors.

My fellow Cishet white dudes: It's going to be very easy to put our heads in the sand the next two years and just look away for our own well being and sanity. But we can't just look away. Our trans friends need us. Our queer friends need us. The women in our lives need us. They can't win this alone.

You’d think a billionaire could afford a better haircut. To quote Ron Swanson, “Are the scissors broken in your house, Son?”

I know the game is like 5 years old, but Carrion just hit Game Pass recently and I’m completely obsessed.

I need these motherfuckers crowding the grocery store right now to go the fuck away. So “Waka/Jawaka” it is, as loud as my AirPods will go.

With David Lynch's death, it reminds me of how The Elephant Man absolutely should have received the Best Picture Oscar (Ordinary People?!), Hurt should have won Best Actor (you deliver a stellar performance like that through 3-4 inches of makeup),

Finally fixed up my turntable and thought I’d break it back in with one of the best.

Science: you can’t hear a picture Me:

Visual proof that all the money in the world can’t change the fact that these two are ugly as fuck.

A convicted felon US President. Fucking pathetic.

Interesting, because “Hot Nuts” was my nickname in college.

Here’s a reminder of how Queen was one of the tightest live bands to ever grace a stage. As far as Mr. Mercury goes, he was one of the best to ever do it. Holy fuck that man could sing, and he was stage presence personified.