Wouldn't you like to ride in my beautiful balloon?

Mainly when I'm trying to fall asleep

I corned a brisket and made Reuben sandwiches. I made plenty, so if you hurry you can... oops, too late

Soylent

Stay loud

English is confusing, cont'd.

This just in...

Every time a pun makes you groan - mission accomplished.

What's your sign?

He'll survive

Raise your hand if you'd prefer fries instead of hash browns with your fast food breakfast.

PSA

One day you're young and carefree the next you're doing 30 mph down the interstate with your blinker on.

Not sure about advanced, but it's damned funny.

Welcome to adulthood

Don't be rude

They're all bangers, but this The Far Side is one of my favorite w/o "dialogue" #CatHell

Smooth operator

This is how I eat my vegetables

Star Trek: The Funky Generation

Recipe (that I cut down to 1/3): Weigh out 2 2/3 lbs onions Me: LOL, 2 2/3 riiiiiight Also me: 👇

I'd start going to the theater again. 'Course, the Bucket O' Fries will prob go for $49.99 so I'd need to sneak in a fryer and some frozen fries. Or maybe tater tots.

Bullshit

Dinner. It's why I eat.

Today's taxonomy lesson:

They never specified which way the petting would go.

Just one more thing...

Motivational phrase of the day: FUCK EVERYTHING

Everybody Hates Flying

Science!

If you've been a good boy/girl, you might get a visit from Crotchpuppy this Autumn! He starts before the Great Pumpkin, but has a much lower approval rating, probably because of all of the uninvited sniffing.

LOL, epic finish

Life in 2 panels

My fellow Americans: I have the great displeasure of introducing you to our new National Anthem. The lyrics are simple. Many say they naturally spill out of their mouths several times a day. Now, please practice before ICE comes to your door. You want to sound your best while being dragged away.

It’s official. We’ve hit PEAK NOTIONS

Think he did the same for Arnold Palmer? 🤔

So LG made a wifi connected range, but you have to manually set the time. Unbelievable stupidity is way too common.

I believe I can fly

It sure does feel that way

"Your Honor, I rest my case."

This is in tense

The instructions are clear

being human is weird

Me, most days