Sure, it's prime days, but how can amazon afford to do this?

damn it I only got ruptured today

the rapture coming on september 23rd is why we shouldn’t have laughed at pumpkin spice stuff being sold in august

Gotta say I’m feeling pretty good about my matchup this week based on Yahoo projections

socks gotta start eating better

The Grapes of Annoyance

Slightly diminish a book. On Walden Puddle

Over 2000 shows in four days seems crazy.

It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday The unholy thing shambles in He’s too big for the chair sitting next to me And he makes an unbearable din Sing us a song, you’re the piano man Your skin is a wooden facade You’ve brass pedals for hands And your hair’s copper strands Give unbearable insult to god

www.writingbattle.com/join-battle I joined the Summer Nanofiction Battle with writers from around the world. Less than an hour till the prompts drop. Hop in. @writingbattle.bsky.social #flashfiction #writingprompts #writerslife #WritingCommunity #writersofbluesky Join the Battle and Learn More

One long ago offhand joke means my wife and I can only call them Six Pants None That Fit Ya

WARNING: IF YOU MUST GO OUTSIDE, FOR GOD’S SAKE, WEAR ONLY YOUR LIGHTEST OF JACKETS!!

C’mon, Breezeline. I mean, I never expected you to be accurate about the wait, but don’t insult our intelligence by claiming to estimate *to the second.*

Impressed Hollywood didn’t try to Barbenheimer the weekend with Lilo and Mish.

(kermit, hungry) Someday I’ll find it, the

“dramatically thinner” yet I can’t floss with it smh

“I hope Real Housewives calls.”

This fall, on NBC.

The conclave considered switching to an electoral college but stuck with the pope-ular vote.

Can’t wait to hear about the pope’s time at Second City.

“Will you be voting in the swimsuit or non-swimsuit section?”

Timely suggestion, Roku

"I have never accepted a bribe." The prosecutor pounced. "Explain this ten thousand dollar deposit!" "That? That's from my Medium story about using AI to buy crypto while doing Keto." #30words30days #pounce

The Olympian dove, earning perfect tens. "I wish I could dive without the water rippling," said Fred. "If you don't want ripples," said his coach, "lay off the fudge ripple." #30words30days #ripple

"You'll never make any progress if you don't challenge yourself!" my personal trainer shouted. So I grunted, heaved, pulled, and... I did it! I'd squeezed into last year's workout clothes! #30words30days #challenge

George and Paula stared at each other, mouths agape. Parenting had been full of surprises, but none had shocked them so deeply as their eight-year-old announcing, "I'm gonna skip dessert." #30words30days #skip

It'll be a blue wave, the pollsters predicted. They were right, Carol thought, watching the jubilant red hat wearers on TV while a wave of the blues crashed upon her. #30words30days #wave

A headache cutting his long run short, Ken rummaged through his wife's purse for aspirin. Before he could wonder about the condoms inside, he heard the moan from the bedroom. #30words30days #rummage

Gerald swung the racket. Heard the poiiing of a string breaking. He hadn't scored a point all match, but now he had something almost as good as victory--an excuse! #30words30days #string

"I've come to gather my belongings, Gary said." "That truck isn't necessary," said Jenny. "You changed your mind about breaking up?" "Hardly," Jenny said, handing him a bag of ashes." #30words30days #gather

Daryl dribbles furiously, weaving between defenders. He heaves a shot from midcourt, that falls through the hoop as time runs out. Dream come true, Daryl thinks, just before waking up. #30words30days #weave

What hope do we have when even our socks have given up?

One beer during the news, thought Jake. Just to wind down, de-stress. After a half-hour of CNN, he sped to the liquor store, wondering what his credit card limit was. #30words30days #wind

“You are a feast for the eyes,” said Anbrgkk, approaching the human woman. She screamed as his pupils dilated, then opened in a smile, baring hundreds of razor sharp teeth. #30words30days #feast

“Look, Midnight!” Paula set the fifty-dollar cat toy on the floor and pushed a button. Ribbons wiggled. Lights threw dancing patterns on the rug. Midnight yawned, licked himself, and slept. #30words30days #wiggle

“Awesome!” shout my friends, watching the hawk swoop down to nab the fish. I join in the high fives, though I imagine I can feel the talons piercing my flesh. #30words30days #swoop

Pop! Little Tommy giggled wildly. He imitated, “Pop!” Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop. “Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop!” Mary turned to Tom. “If you ever give him bubble wrap again…” #30words30days #pop

The table bears dinners with gray moldy fuzz Glasses of soda that no longer fizz We know this is where the Smith family was But wonder where the family is. #30words30days #fizz

“How could we let this happen? We let our guard down, and we’ve been plundered. Everything valuable stolen from us. There is no recovering from this horrible fantasy football trade.” #30words30days #plunder

Sometimes you need to relax, Daryl thought. Let your mind wander. His brain summoned images of girls and sports and movies, and when the bell rang, algebra hadn’t intruded once. #30words30days #wander

This @hbomax.bsky.social update is great. Commercials when they say none, movie format screwed up after most commercials, requiring a birthdate to access the site. Cool.

“New videogame system? That’s a switch.” “Yep.” “What’d you get?” “A Switch.” “I know, what to?” “A Switch.” “That’s what I said! What do you have now?” “A Switch.” “Aaaaggghhhh!” #30words30days #switch

Does anything say “summer” like that first refreshing dive into the community pool? And does anything say “selective amnesia” like forgetting what every kid does while they are in there? #30words30days #dive

Eight-year-old Bobby walked out of the candy store and handed a chocolate bar to his little brother, Andy. Andy fished coins from a jangling pocket. “Nah, just Venmo me, bro.” #30words30days #Jangle

Here are 2.1 apples. Consider us even for my stealing your 4.7 apples.

“This has always been my position,” said the politician. “I would never flip.” Shown video evidence to the contrary, he adamantly declared, “Fake news.” And somewhere, Orwell’s ghost laughed mirthlessly. #30words30days #Flip

She was proud of her ability to make heads turn. To watch them swivel in her presence made her giddy. But the reality was her Swivelheads would never replace Bobbleheads. #30words30days #swivel

I try to maintain my cool, but my heart flutters as she approaches, slowing, stopping directly in front of me. There is simply nothing more beautiful than an on-time bus. #30words30days #flutter

"Faster!" I called, riding The Spider at the fair. I laughed as I zipped and bobbed and twirled. I stopped laughing when the funnel cakes I'd eaten started their twirling. #30Words30Days #twirl

"I'm not overprotective, Tom, I'm just a good mother," Denise told her husband as she attached the floaties to their eight-year-old's arms. "There you go, Bonnie--have a nice shower." #30Words30Days #Float