⚠️ Warning: @thewellredmage.bsky.social's book may trigger memories of random encounters, turn-based trauma, and the sound of your little brother erasing your save file. Read with caution.

Every. Single. Time.

We made the mistake of casting Berserk on Umaro one time. Never again. The cave is still condemned. There was piss, shit, and yeti cum everywhere. We made Mog clean it up. He still won't talk to me.

One simple rule to living your best life

The rapture was pretty cool. Got some free stuff when the Walgreens clerk suddenly disappeared. Surprising number of people still left - I guess we should have gone to church more. 6/10 would rapture again.

Brotherhood of the Unlimited Breadsticks

I just had a zoom call with Jesus and he said the rapture is happening at 7:30 PM PST. You can catch it live on NBC, Roku, or at your local SportClips.

On the nature of storytelling.

Drop something Horny

Tomorrow’s rapture is just gonna be Tifa’s Final Heaven, don’t say you weren’t warned

Kefka did nothing wrong

All trains are fair game

Diarrhea upgraded to Diarrheaga

Every day we stray further from God's light

Never talk to Spanky at 3 A.M.

Every day we stray further from God's light

There's something wrong with you, bro

Cancel culture is out of control. I just saved Spira and they erased me from the cutscene!

No robot masters. No robot kings.

On weekends, Gogo stands in front of the mirror and waits for it to make the first move.

I finally finished my bestiary in FFXII

★☆☆☆☆ Too many stakes, not enough appetizers. Would not recommend.

I just realized autocorrect changed this from opposable to opposite and I'm very angry and will nuke Swedzerland in response

If man wasn't meant to suplex trains, then why did the goddesses give us opposite thumbs? Checkmate.

This is why you always take the magicite

Don't talk to me until I have 99 dried meat in my inventory

... and that's all! @thewellredmage.bsky.social

K, my phone is in place, let's see how this goes: Kingdom Hearts was always kinda crap.

... and that's all! @thewellredmage.bsky.social

Put a blanket on the poor girl, Meryl! She's probably freezing!

Not even once

Can a train suplex a Ferris Wheel?

Am I wrong?

At the South Pole, suplexed trains hover angrily in place until the penguins declare a victor.

The moon's surface is littered with Australian locomotives

Happy 40th Birthday to Super Mario Bros - Peach made him this nice card!

Happy National Video Game Day 🎮🤼🚂 Here are my top 4 games to celebrate ❤️

Is this Suplex?

Happy 40th Birthday to Super Mario Bros - Peach made him this nice card!

Who's excited for the Final Fantasy VII Remake Demake Nintendo Wii U Wii Compatibility Mode Virtual Console Edition Digital Keycard for Nintendo Switch 2? #NintendoDirect

"Umaro is just two moogles duct taped together." - Yoshinori Kitase, probably

Eating Speed Tabs as a pastime activity

Isn't nature amazing?!?

Prompto owes me 500 gil

Outrun always had the best music

Ted Woolsey missed a golden opportunity to localize Ultros as "Squidney Poitier"

Every. Single. Time.

Suplexed a train wrong, now I'm icing my caboose.

Chocobos are fascinating creatures!