if you don't care about how i feel then leave me alone

everything keeps disappointing me

✌️✌️

epic

i love that

it seriously sucks why can't i just be completely satisfied all by myself

i know nobody gaf and it's ok and as long as i gaf then it's ok (paradox)

i need communication form enrichment about the stuff i like, or i'll go crazy. crazier?

it sucks to be left behind about this. being the only person who still has the same outdated thing in the front of their brain for several years straight is lonely. now i'm talking to the brick wall about all sorts of things. and lately i haven't even done that because i don't wanna feel more lonely

it's crazy how people can go from creating, spending time, analyzing, etc. one series thing, and then completely drop everything about it for another new shiny thing just a few months or so later. and then never return to the previous things they were working on ever again

what are you venting about?

it's still difficult

after the meltdown of school not being a sustainable place for me, i started working. it's not my "dream" job (i don't really know what), but i fight so hard to keep it stable and i haven't given up in almost 8 years, and i'm an expert now, aren't you proud of me? (he isn't satisfied enough still)

i still keep a great amount of my life and my true feelings to myself because it's easier that way, to not be misunderstood or have arguments about "what is best for me". but, it would be nice if the chain of unreasonable expectations around me could dissolve completely some day

it's hard to struggle and not know what you want to do for the future, but still be expected to be perfect and have it all figured out... and otherwise, you'll be punished with your things taken away, or scolded coldly, or worse, if you don't achieve the expected results... it's miserable

there are not too many people around me now who know how much i can resonate with that kind of thing... but, it took me actually doing the same things and advocating for myself for my parent to really listen to me, the real me, and gradually it got better. of course, it's still not "great"

i went back to read it properly in EN, and it just made me think that in the past when i was suffering similar unreasonable expectations and punishment, i wish i could have had someone, who valued the real me and would stand up for me, to run away to when things became unbearable...

free will

i don't want to twist myself into a shape that has to exhaust myself to please everyone else

i've come to spend a lot more time doing what i want to do instead of what is expected of me, why is that so difficult?

why does it become so easy to believe that people don't care because you're probably just bothering everyone by existing and not feeling at 100% all the time? not being palatable all the time? not putting up with everything like an impenetrable wall all the time?

yay

i need one of these boomers to leave so i can have a shift to myself

next week i get to work by myself for nearly 2 months at the cost of waking up super early. it's gonna be worth it. i need some alone time that i haven't gotten in a year since they got rid of graveyard shift 🫩

me after every direct with no new PMD news and then i realize we haven't gotten a new game in 11 years besides the remake of rescue team and that was 6 years ago

FF turned out to be a timeloop of despair, and the first boss is the last boss, that's awesome. a bunch of the optional stuff kicked my butt so i was around level 88 by this point. a new game+ kind of ordeal keeping the bestiary is really ideal tbh, i like that. maybe one day i'll 100% it

i know it's a stupid irrational fear, but i really do hate going around and having to mute new ~words of the day~ that felt like they were concocted overnight for the same characters or shows when i come here or elsewhere

yay

if it isn't clear, I'm with the 18+ artists. don't think because the majority of my art is market friendly that it means I am. fuck censorship, fuck fascism, fuck puritanism. people should have the choice to decide what they want to see, not have the choice made for them.

it's not even just limited to fandom either, the bad opinions, it begins to be about real life stuff, politics, etc... i'm like, there's no way you people are actually this far gone, right? despair

i'm generally quiet about my opinions, but i seriously go crazy thinking "well, if they can be loud assholes without any regard to others, i should be loud with my passion and love" and i've been trying to act on that. i can put my voice out there too, it's okay right?

even if nobody cares, as long as i care, that's what should make me happy. i just get so so down when people are loudly saying how much something i love sucks. i can't deal with those types of people who only absorb themselves into conflict and negative opinions

my sleep schedule is awful right now but at least i can come here and see everyone awake on the other side of the planet

yippee my awesome sugoi life

love

i will sleep even more peacefully now

🥺

we can be weird together🎶💗 i want it that way

after that, i realized how good so much of it is, so i became an omnivore

sometimes you can't change what impacted you the most even if time passes. i understand this (what 120 and then thinking too hard about everything before and after did to me) (is doing)

Shie-san's mysterious past, i learned a lot

AiRyo Forever

i love it so much i would print these out and eat them (snack) (don't do that